Monday, March 31, 2008

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Relative Values

Alright, if you like that sort of thing.


This is the best bit of the film..


Heat-esque. The HD scenes are cool.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Around The World In Eighty Days

Coogan, Coogan, Coogan ...

Saturday, March 29, 2008

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Transporter 2

Insane film. Enjoyed it though.. More ludacris than the first

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Transporter


Thursday, March 27, 2008


"I'm friends with most cops in the city and they
told me the guy who got me isn't even liked by
his colleagues. He's a 400-pound fuck unfit
for duty." - Mickey Rourke
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 27.03.08 ISSUE 391
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Tennant's Super
* Madonna for Malawi
* Charts: Estelle is number one

>> Curb your emissions <<
Larry David acts like Larry David

Larry David was married to high-profile
environmental activist Laurie David. She filed
for divorce in 2007. The first thing Larry did
when she left? Go around the whole house
turning on all the lights.

Princess Beatrice has just taken her PADI Open Water
qualification on Koh Tao, Thailand, at the beautiful
Ban's Diving Resort.

>> Kabbalah 4 Africa? <<
Madonna raises awareness for Malawi

Madonna has been making a documentary about
Malawi, I Am Because We Are. The film is a
serious attempt to raise awareness of this
impoverished country, in that Bono/Bob Geldof/
Richard Curtis kind of way, but some things
about it struck us as a little odd. After a
sensible look at the AIDS epidemic, the film
seems to suggest “thinking like victims” and
“drinking after work” are contributing factors
to Malawi ills. (Well, that's Britain fucked, then.)

And the new Spirituality For Kids schools are
heralded as one of the answers to their problems,
without any mention to the fact that they are
run by that other K word - Kabbalah. As that is
obviously the one thing missing from Africa.

Carla Sarkozy’s maiden name, Bruni Tedeschi
when translated in the most literal manner,
means “Brown German”.

>> Big Questions <<
What are people asking this week

One of this year's leading rugby union clubs
was enjoying another win in the bar of a
Westcountry hotel last week. Many of the players
got wildly drunk and started to annoy the
other residents by swiping people's drinks.
Other players just retired to a room for a
bonding Circle Jerk.

The BBC's Gaza correspondent, Aleem Maqbool, bought
his house in west London from one of Dick and Dom.

>> Tennant's super <<
Just what the Dr ordered

zookeeper's boy writes:
“I can confirm that David Tennant is indeed the
nicest man in the world. I work in a post-
production house and Tennant was recently in to
record a voice-over for a new documentary. He took
a break in the coffee bar, where he was approached
by a member of the sales team who works with
disadvantaged kids in his spare time. The man
explained that the kids were massive Dr Who fans.
Tennant then spent his break doing an improvised
skit in Dr Who character while being filmed on a
phone camera for these kids. Pure class.”

Popbitch's favourite New Zealand health official:
Canterbury District Health Board's alcohol and drug
services clinical head... Dr David Stoner.

>> Milkshaking <<
Not what Kelis had in mind

Americans are world leaders in many things.
Including horse doping, it seems, now they've
invented the Milkshake. This involves inserting
a tube up the horse's nostril, down into the
stomach and pumping in a solution made from
baking soda. It delays the build-up of
lactic acid in the horse's system and stops
it getting tired. You have to give your horse
its milkshake just before a race and can't be
detected afterwards, so random testing before
a race is the only way it can be spotted.
So far in Britain milkshaking is rare -
it's dangerous as you can misdirect the
baking soda into the lungs and drown the
horse - but in California last year 10% of
horses tested positive for a milkshake.

Viagra is 10 years old this week. Vince Neil spent
$15k on prostitutes when he started taking it, "So I
could try and come, because it just wouldn't happen".

>> Cruel crews <<
The Goldfrapp Scale

It's hard being a woman in the music business.
Keep quiet and you get walked on, speak your
mind and you're a bitch. Still, sound and
lighting technicians in the Bristol area
use one woman as a reference point for all
others. When faced with a new artist they ask:
“How difficult to work with is she on a
scale from 0 to Goldfrapp?”

Where are they now pt 1?: A member of Blazin' Squad
now works in the tape library at BBC TV centre.

>> The little and larges of pop <<
Who is weirdly sized to you this week

Enormous: Courtney Taylor-Taylor: Dandy Warhols

Taller than you'd think: Paul Young

Tiny men: Dizzee Rascal and Goldie

(More suggestions? email

What is it with celebrities and backward baby names?
Reese and Ryan had Deacon Joseph, now Caron Keating's
ex and TV presenter wife have Tilly Jennifer.

>> Drunk man of the week <<
New Zealand versus Scotland

1. An orchard worker in New Zealand called the
police to complain that he was being raped by a
wombat. While they sat there scratching their
heads the man, Arthur Cradock, called back to
say he was OK. "Apart from speaking Australian
now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told the
operator. Cradock was sentenced to community
service for the fiction. Even the police prosecutor
seemed more sad than angry, telling the court
“alcohol plays a large role in Cradock's life”.

2. In Scotland, 58 year-old David Bachelor has
been feeding the pigeons wearing only a thong.
A back-to-front thong. The sheriff fined him
ฃ150 and blamed it on alcohol. Bachelor said
it wasn't a sexual thing, “I was just feeding the
birds and if I was wanting to do that I would
just go down town and get a whore”.

England captain Rio Ferdinand was interviewed on Five
Live. He talked about how captain Gary Neville has
been injured at Man Utd this season, "Giggsy has
stepped in and taken up the mantelpiece".

>> Essex royalty <<
Teddy Sheringham goes shopping

loobylou writes:
“I was in a shop in Loughton, Essex. A man was
on his mobile telling his wife that he couldn't
get any nice snacks in there for nibbles, only
Golden Wonder as "it is Loughton after all.'

“A woman shelf stacker took offence at this,
tapped him on the shoulder and said, 'We had
Teddy Sheringham in here yesterday, I'll have
you know.'”

More doctor euphemisms. For when the patient was very
ill - CTD (circling the drain) or and TF Bundy
(Totally Fucked. But Unfortunately Not Dead Yet.)

>> Eurovision pt 2 <<
The puppet gets censored

Ireland's puppet entry Dustin the Turkey has been
censored! The lyrics of the song contain a list
of European countries, including Macedonia.
Someone made a formal complain to the European
Broadcasting Union (and everyone's fingers are
pointing at Greece) so Dustin has to use the
agreed wording “Former Yugoslav Republic of

Three more Eurovision 08 favourites:

1. Bulgaria - DJ Balthazar and Deep Zone.
90s style Euro house, old men, meaningless
lyrics, a release on Technotronic's old
Dutch label, Take Me Away sounds like a hit!

2. Turkey - Mor ve Otesi (aka Ultraviolet)
are a big-selling rock band. Deli is quality.

3. Sweden's 1999 winner Charlotte Perreli
(nee Nilssen) is back. Huge, if dated, Europop
track, an enormous key change (and possibly
some weird facial fillers/surgery?)

Abercrombie & Fitch are re-launching their iconic
limited edition A&F Quarterly exclusively in the UK.
The controversial, sexy publication features pics by
Bruce Weber. On sale at the London store for ฃ100,
Saturday 5th April at 10am.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Guantanamo pants, Carbon/Silicon, soul

Russia's scariest playgrounds:

Tony James and Mick Jones have created a new
supergroup, Carbon/Silicon. Their interview
at SXSW gets weirdly interrupted at 5mins 10secs:

Easter bunny didn't satisfy you? Get your own
rabbit and other goodies from the most luxurious
online adult shop at special Popbitch prices.
Bad bunny:

We brought you Sam Sparro's lovely Black and
Gold back in our first issue of 2008. It's
finally out - tune of the year so far:

Fancy seeing your butt in Guantanamo orange, but
not sure about the waterboarding? Bid for a
pair of Agent Provocateur/Reprieve “Fair trial
my arse” pants:

These nice fellas played at our charity cricket day
last year. And they've got a new single out:

One lady decides to get everything about one night
stands off her chest, in sordid detail:

The London Soul Project -"cheap as chips and
simple as fuck". Loud, funky, soul music:
Sat 29th March, 9pm til late. The Fulwood Bar,
Fullwood Place, High Holborn WC1V 6HZ

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 30th March

* Congrats Leona Lewis. First British female to top
the US charts since Kim Wilde in 1987.

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
SAM SPARRO Black & Gold
JAMES BLUNT Carry You Home
ALPHABEAT Fascination

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Win a Gibson guitar plus guest list places to
the Hotel Cafe European tour.

Thanks to: AM, dollymixture, LT, SW, WB, C, B, NH,
JN, T, ED, danceswithmustelids, AS, SW,

Old Jokes Home:
A man in a shellsuit goes into a posh furriers.
He says to the shop assistant "I want a coat".

The shop assistant, barely concealing her
disdain, asks "What fur?"

The man replies "Fur ma girlfriend".

Still Bored:
Retro Grand National game. You're riding Bingo
Wings, of course. (We haven't yet managed to
come anything but last, sadly):

Tuesday, March 25, 2008


An absolutely pointless remake.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Talladega Nights

Funny places. Amy Adams is fit as always.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Addams Family Values

As good as the first film.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Facebook Suicide

Raindance presents

Holiday Toolkit for Filmmakers
Get rid of those winter blues


This is the the Electronic Intern at the Raindance Film Festival.
Everyone in the office is out shooting or watching festival submissions.

We started Raindance in 1992 in order to meet talented, first time filmmakers like you. That is why we have the Raindance Film Festival. We are open for submissions for the 2008 festival from January 1 - June 1st. Click here to submit.

We have put together this Holiday Toolkit because we know all this spare time on your hands - it's a 4 day weekend! - can leave you motionless, like the proverbial bunny - this time caught in the headlights of inactivity.

Here it is: Get tooled up!

You don't need to live in London to use these:

Top Tips and Tools for Writers

1. Top 10 Undistributed Films of 2007
Our friends at put together this great list, many of which have played at Raindance Film Festival in London.

2. Facebook Suicide and other trends for 2008
Who would believe some of the terms on this list? A great resource for screenwriters, or anyone trying to look the part and impress people!

3) Development Finance
How to formulate a plan to get that hard-to-get first money.

4. Why 3 Act will Kill Your Writing
Raindance is pretty unpopular with the the so-called 'experts' for daring to publish this extremely helpful article by John Truby

5. The 7 Steps to a Successful Screenplay
Of course it's not as easy as 1 - 7 - but we hope you find this article a big help.

6. The 9 element of Great Films
Our favourite, John Truby, has another killer article.

Have you heard about his new book? "Anatomy of Story"?
We think it is the best book on storytelling yet.

7) Want to write intensely complex and satisfying stories?
Character web is the new story buzz word. And if you haven't been following Raindance, you are probably in the dark.

Why don't you forward this to a friend?
Or sign up to our weekly newsletter?

As you can see, there's lots here that you can use without being in London.

7. The Black List
Here's a list put together in mysterious circumstances, by the top story editors in Hollywood. Indispensable.

8. Script Format Guide
Look smart. Look the part.

9. The 4 Routes to Getting an Agent
It isn't easy, but here are some tried and tested ideas of how to get an agent.

Top Tips and Tools for Directors

10. Top 10 Tools for Great Filmmaking
Who said filmmaking was difficult? It ain't! But it is really hard work. Here's some useful stuff to make it easier.

11. The 4 Responsibilities of the Director
Many new directors don't have a clue of what they are supposed to do. Get tooled up if you want to direct.

12. The 10 Golden Rules of Shooting on Video
Tape is great if you use it right.

13. The 13 Steps of Post-production
The 1,2,3's of post.

Top Tips and Tools for Filmmakers

14. How Much Is My Film Worth?
Make if for less than you can sell it!

15. The 10 Dirty Secrets of Independent Film
Our latest article. Beware! Reading this can prick dreams!

16. What is IPTV and why is Important?
Yes - this is the one we really want you to read, because it's all about our latest venture!

Raindance is a people place, and you are our biggest asset. Please feel free to forward this to your mates, by clicking on the "Forward Email" below.

And if you have any comments or ideas or suggestions, please feel free to let us know at

The Raindance Team
0207 287 3833

Movies for free

We'd really like it if you would forward this email to a friend.

What are you reading this for when you could be out shooting?!
What is Raindance?
Click here to read our history

Saturday, March 22, 2008


This film is better than the original.

Wigan, Namur, Coventry


Not sure if I want to see this.


I didn't storm out of the cinema. That's good.

Friday, March 21, 2008


What a load of rubbish.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - High School Musical 2

I don't understand...


Prefer the original but this one's watchable. Lohan's lovely.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Die Hard With A Vengeance

Saw this in the cinema and thought it was okay. Saw it again on TV and thought it was crap.


The first of three great shorts. It's very good indeed.


Awesome. Underrated. Go and rent.


I liked it. There, I said it.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gary Numan

Are you top of the pops? Know your Mutya from your Mariah?
Have a go in our special Buzz! Pop league for the chance
to win a PS2 and a copy of the game. Use code "popbitch"
and enter your email address at the end of the quiz:

“Me? Join in on the '80s revival? I'd
rather eat worms” - Gary Numan
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 20.03.08 ISSUE 390
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Dimitri Medveded 's castrated cat
* Rodney Marsh takes off his shoes
* Charts: Duffy is still number one

>> Age old problem <<
Sir Anthony has shock in the mirror

Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the UK to film a
new version of classic monster movie, The Wolfman.
He plays the distinguished, white-bearded father
of Benicio del Toro's werewolf. Sir Ant was
spotted walking down Elizabeth St, Belgravia at
the weekend. At one point he was overheard turning
to his companions and saying, ”I just caught
sight in that shop window of an old man walking
along the street. And then I realised it was me!”

Brian McFadden says his girlfriend Delta Goodrem
will only let him smoke in the garage. It's a long
way from being married to Kerry Katona.

In our mailout of 11 October 2007 we carried a piece
entitled Maxed out - Beesley makes beeline for beauties
in which we alleged that at a TV industry party in
Cannes, Max Beesley was trying to line up three women
to have sex with and asked one woman who said that she
was not interested in having sex to go away so that he
could find someone else. We now accept the item was
totally untrue. We apologise unreservedly to Max and
have agreed to pay him compensation and his legal costs.

Lily Allen has just bought a flat in Kilburn, in the
same building as Primal Scream's bassist Mani and
their ex-manager Alex (son of Annie) Nightingale.

>> Mott the nine o clock news <<
Star's star holds forth on poltics

Daily Star's much-mocked showbiz columnist Joe Mott
is quitting his column. Luckily for journalism
he's not quitting. He has a new opinion column.

Joe will be “holding forth on topics from politics
to culture, via dogs, traffic wardens, war,
religion and, er, anything else that causes
me anger, mirth or puzzlement.”

Perhaps another front page apology - this time
for readers?

US media is gossiping that Nigella Lawson's weight-
gain is causing problems in the filming of her new
show and the director is shooting only above the waist.

>> Marshgate <<
Load of old balls

W writes:
Old football pundit Rodney Marsh was on my flight
to Tampa, Florida earlier this month. At the gate
he seemed annoyed by a random bag search and
the request to take his shoes off, so he started
playing keepy-uppys with the shoes.

Mark Ronson live, Rob da Bank with cymbals strapped
to his knees, and a gang of rampant housewives.
Make up your own headline:

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

A primary school class sent off letters to
celebrities with a picture of a lifeboat
which they asked the celebrities to colour in.
As the days went on pupils started to get
letters back, which they all opened in class.
Paul O'Grady sent the picture back featuring
his dog Buster, and David Tennant's was
particularly good. But which Newsnight
presenter caused one little girl to cry?
As she opened the envelope, her letter and
lifeboat picture fell out. Untouched and
uncoloured, with nothing else.

Ray Winstone is in talks to star in a new TV version
of The Sweeney.

>> Parlez-vous popbitch? <<
Say goodbye fierce, hello ferosch

“That's fierce!” Is SO over. Following the
maxim that when GMTV presenters start to use a
phrase it's no longer fit for polite company
it's time to do as New York A-gays are doing.
Ferocious is stronger than fierce. So, you
are Ferosch, girl!

For example:
Old: Fiona “Fierce” Phillips

New: Heather “Ferosch” Mills

FYI: The best description of Heather in court
we've heard? “Justin Toper in drag”

Heather Mills was awarded 30k a year for wine, food,
fruit and flowers. That's 82 quid a day. Or one
Starbucks latte, big mac meal, bottle of wine, bunch
of flowers and a gram of coke and change left over!

>> Silver machines <<
Neon Neon try to go Back To The Future

Super Furry Animal Gruff Rhys' new band Neon Neon
played LA's Viper Room on Monday. To celebrate
their album's dedication to the DeLorean sports car
the label hired two of them to be parked outside.
A driver was there to whisk them off to the after-
show party. A photo-op with the speedometer set
at Back to the Future speed 88mph was too much to
pass up so they sped down Sunset Strip. And were
promptly pulled over by Highway Patrol long before
they could get anywhere near the mythical 88mph.

The bass player from Sleeper now works behind the
bar in The Old Ship Tavern, Hackney.

>> Bourne free <<
Wolfman Whispers

medium_smart writes:
“I was walking the dog in the Bourne Woods,
Farnham, which is, as every fool knows, the
Los Angeles of England. Last week was the new
Harry Potter - sixty crew and three weeks
rigging for a four hour shoot, and this week
they're prepping for The Wolf Man, which
requires forty caravans, a hundred and twenty
first unit crew and the construction of two
ginormous 'gypsy camps'. The hot word on the
street is that Benicio Del Toro is, in the
words of a straight, male location manager
'so cool, I'd fuck him myself'; Emily Blunt
is 'lovely, not quite as attractive as one
might think but sexier'; and Anthony Hopkins
'just doesn't speak'. They arrive next Thursday
Oh, and the director who shouted at my dog has
been sacked (perhaps for some other reason) and
they now have the estimable Joe Johnston
(Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Jurassic Park III)
turning their $85m budget into cunt soup.”

Huey Lewis's grandfather invented the red wax
sealant you find on certain cheeses.

>> Animals of the week <<
Medvedev's cat moves to the Kremlin

1. New Russian President Dimitri Medvedev
has just moved his cat, Dorofei, into the Kremlin.
Dorofei is quite famous in Russia. The
Medvedevs used to live next door to Mikhail
Gorbachev and Dorofei got in a fight with
Gorbachev's cat. Dorofei lost. The shame was
obviously too much and the Medvedevs got
the cat neutered to stop any further incidents.

2. Knut's father wants to get his hands on
Knut's money. Or rather, the zoo that owns the
daddy polar bear has been suing Berlin zoo
for a cut of the profits.

3. Jacko's animals have been bought. They're
moving from Neverland to the Banjoko wildlife
preserve in Arizona. The private zoo, including
tigers, giraffes, snakes and parrots were being
cared for by Neverland zookeepers, who had gone
without pay for months just to look after them,
but have now been rescued:

3. There's a bear in Macedonia with a criminal
record. For the last year he has been raiding
a beekeeper's hives and stealing the honey.
Zoran Kiseloski kept the animal away with a
generator playing thumping Serbian turbo-folk
music. But every time it went off the bear came
back, so he took him to court. And in his absence
the bear, who remains at large, was fined over
2000 euros.

"Gossip Girl here. Ready to diss and tell."
"You know you love me xoxo"
Starts next Thursday -10pm on ITV2.(diss not kiss!)

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Crucifixion, walruses, Jerry the dog

The Jim McGreevey divorce case is on. Wife Dina is
arguing she was tricked into marrying a gay man.
The driver claims the Governor only had sex with
the missus with him there too and that the former
New Jersey Governor, wife and chauffeur used to
share a hotel room, even on official business.

Crucifixion is bad for your health:

Dancing walrus:

Jerry the dog can play on his own:

Devil child sings love song to 'Mom'
Is that a canoe in his trousers?

Someone from Sex and the City made a
mucky movie and here are photos:

Which lucky model will become the Girl of OSOYOU? Help
your favourite win by logging in and rating them:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 23rd March

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
GIRLS ALOUD Can't Speak French

++ Top Twenty
LEONA LEWIS Footprints in the Sand

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: AM, dollymixture, LT, SW, WB, NK, pauly,
bathwithkirsty, slippery_nipple, deep_stoat, honk,
whitemaninhammersmithpalais, AM, AC, JB, missus,
the_sundance_flid, honk, juju500, c, pauline, SW
dollymixture, GA, real scottish lady,

Old Easter Jokes Home:
Q: There are two cows in a field - how do you
tell which one is on holiday?

A: It's the one with the wee calf.

Still Bored:
Free, open source air guitar game where
you use your keyboard like a guitar. Rock on:

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Bad Story

Get Rid of Bad Story Structure
Once and for All

Raindance presents:
22 Step Story Structure
Sat/Sun 5/6 April 9:30 - 6pm


I'm Elliot Grove, and I am writing you because I passionately believe that there is much misinformation about screenplay story strucuture that is misleading and wrong.

I have decided to bring John Truby to London in April.

John has taught advanced story structure to over 20,000 people worldwide and has been story consultant on over 1000 scripts. He's seen all the story problems and knows how to fix them. That's why he created
22 Step Story Structure and Understanding Genre.

I want to bring his screenwriting classes that would show you the hundreds of story techniques he knows while you're writing.

And I am returning to Raindance on Saturday/Sunday 5/6 April (22 Step Story Structure) and Monday/Tuesday 7/8 April (Understandanding Genre).

Funny Nacho Libre Pic Step-by-step to Great Story Structure

1. 22 Step Story Structure shows you the 'gold' of your idea and which genre forms are best for expressing it.

2. Character Web, World, and Arc techniques help you create complex characters that grow over the course of the story and move the reader.

Click here for a free article on Creating Character Web by John Truby

3. The 22 Building Blocks of every great story, gives you a surprising plot that builds steadily from beginning to end.

4. 22 Step Story Structure shows you the right structural order for your scenes, and lets you figure out the ideal sequence in a fraction of the time.

5. Rewrite shows you the deep structural weaknesses that are likely to be in your script and takes you through the ideal order for fixing them.

What: 22 Step Story Structure
Saturday/Sunday 5/6 April 9:30 - 6pm
University of Westminster, London, near tubes Goodge St or Oxford Circus
How Much?
£250 + VAT
Raindance members get a 15% discount. Click here to find out more.

Call 0207 287 3833 to register or Book Online Here

Why 3 - Act Will Kill Your Writing

The so-called 3-act structure is the biggest, most destructive myth ever foisted on writers. I would like to call it obsolete. but that implies that it worked in the first place.

It didn't.

Let John Truby explain why.

Click here for his article on 3 Act structure

First Feature Understanding the Tool of Genre

The first rule of professional writing is: the entertainment industry buys and sells genres.

Genres are story types, and business has learned that you reach the greatest audience by taking a few of the most popular story types and constantly reworking them in new and creative ways.

The strategy for writers is clear: to succeed, you have to specialize in two or three of these popular forms and write something original.

The Understanding Genre class offers in-depth, professional- level information in the most popular genres in the world. Once you have learned the techniques found in my flagship 22 Step Story Structure class learn more about genre for the kind of writing you want to do.

This way, you're writing from strength, and you're writing the kinds of scripts the entertainment industry wants to buy.

What: Understanding Genre
Mon/Tues 7/8 April 6:30 - 10pm
University of Westminster, London, near tubes Goodge St or Oxford Circus
How Much?
£145 + VAT
Raindance members get a 15% discount. Click here to find out more.

Call 0207 287 3833 to regisister or Book Online Here

13 Most Popular Genres

Here they are: Action, Comedy, Crime, Detective, Fantasy, Horror, Love, Masterpiece, Myth, Science Fiction Thriller and TV Drama.

Having trouble picking your genre?
John Truby has devised a simple and entertaining quiz to assist you.

Click here to take the quiz and find your genre.

Moral Storytelling and Hollywood

This year's Oscar script nominations demonstrated in the clearest possible terms how successful movies are now focusing on stories that change peoples lives.

John Truby has written extensively about this.

Click here to read his article: Moral Storytelling

Click here to read his analysis of this year's nominated screenplays.

DVD Over 160 Script Breakdowns

Can you afford to be without these useful script breakdowns of over 160 screenplays by John Truby.

Learn more. . .

The common complaint amongst producers is NOT raising the money. Tough as it is, it is possible to get money for filmmaking.

The most common complaint is 'Where are all the great scripts?'

Here's our chance to do something about that!
Happy screenwriting!
Elliot Grove
Raindance Festivals Limited
The Raindance Guarantee
If you decide to attend and find that this course is overhyped, or unsuitable, or simply does not meet or exceed your expectations, let a member of the Raindance staff know by noon on the first day or by the end of first night for a no-questions- asked refund.

Monday, March 17, 2008

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Life And Death Of Peter Sellers

Strange biopic. Sellers - great actor. We don't make like that anymore.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Raiders Of The Lost Ark

Classic. I'm looking forward to the new one.


Good ol' kids fare. The effects sill impress. Dunst is in it.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Diving Bell & The Butterfly

Beautiful stuff. This should have won more. This should have been talked about more.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Brothers Of The Head

Fan fucking tastic. Track this down. A rare treat.


Not seen this in quite a while. Eastwood is pretty good.

Thursday, March 13, 2008



You Bitch

Spice up your Friday afternoon by becoming a horse
racing expert. Kauto Star vs Denman in the Cheltenham
Gold Cup - it's the race of the century. Get a FREE
£25 bet and 20% better odds with Betfair here

"The truth is, it's crazy to be able to
kiss your best friend. It's just a really
awesome thing” - Pete Wentz, Fall Out Boy
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 13.03.08 ISSUE 389
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* Eurovision is back - and we're all going French
* Horse up your life with the Cheltenham Gold Cup
* Charts: Duffy is still number one

>> Hamass <<
The donkeys of Gaza do a dirty protest

In Gaza this week there was a demonstration
by animals for human rights. Eight camels bearing
“Save the Children of Gaza” signs; two dozen
donkeys, including one in a Hamas headband;
10 horses and nearly 100 sheep were brought to
the UN building. After a few minutes the beasts
started a dirty protest. Some defecated in
the streets, while the donkeys started shagging
each other. Journalists found it almost
impossible to do a straight piece to camera
without some animal porn behind them.

Gay tory MP Alan Duncan has a new nickname among
some journalists at Westminister. Impressed at his
ability to quietly collar people in the corridors,
they've taken to calling him The Pink Panther.

>> Spiderdad <<
Tobey's laid-back parenting

Tobey Maguire was recently at a children's party
in LA with his small daughter. Ruby, about 16
months old, spent much of her time trying to
stand up and walk. When other parents tried to
help Tobey shooed them away, saying he thought
adults put too much pressure on children to walk,
and that the babies would get there without
help when they were ready. Tobey always talked
to his daughter about what he was about to do,
like "Do you want to be picked up? I'm going
to pick you up if that's alright with you."

No longer a gruesome twosome? Jarvis Cocker and
wife Camille. Fashion insiders are talking with
sadness about the problems the pair have been having.

>> Clubwars <<
It's like it is 1995 again

All Around the World have been quiety building
up a massively successful pop-dance brand,
Clubland. Not to be outdone, Ministry of Sound
has responded with Hard2Beat Records, home of
Basshunter and H Two O. Last night in west London
Clubland held a gig for over 3000 teenagers.
All decked out in orange lycra, blowing whistles
and waving glowsticks (Clubland sold 16,000
branded glowsticks last week) the kids went
mental to the sounds of Scooter, Cascada et al
We're told AATW scanned the guestlist to stop
Ministry spies coming in, but some managed to make
it through. Whatever you do avoid central Manchester
on Friday. Clubland take over G-Mex, with 12,000
spangled teens. (Although, secretly, we can't
wait for the Scooter Greatest Hits to arrive.)

A source at the Portland claims Victoria Beckham has
an imminent appointment with celebrity childbirth
expert Dr Gillard. Baby no 4 announcement soon?

>> Why the long faces? <<
It's Cheltenham Gold Cup Friday

Horse racing: animals, booze, betting, and
even the chance to bump into George Clooney,
as he's been at Cheltenham this week. What's
not to like? If you don't normally follow
racing, Friday afternoon's Gold Cup is a good
place to start. It's like the Eurovision Song
Contest of the horse world, and not as
confusing to follow as the Grand National.
Here's the popbitch guide:

1. Gold Cup - 3.30pm Friday, so a great
way to waste an afternoon with colleagues.
2. The two best horses in UK race against each
other (and around 14 others) over big fences.
Kauto Star and Denman are trained by the same
person and live side-by-side in adjoining stables.
3. Pronounce Kauto Star caught-o not kate-o to
show your expertise. He won last year's race and
is the first horse in his stable to be fed every
morning (which might piss off Denman), he's a
Pisces “compassionate, empathetic, imaginative,
sensitive”, and his nickname is The
Extraterrestrial. His stableboy says if he was
human he would be most like Roger Federer.
4. Denman is a big horse, nicknamed The Tank.
He weighs 35kg more than Kauto. He's an Aries,
“assertive, brave, energetic, action-oriented”
and if he was human he would be like Mohammed Ali.
5. Bet each-way and you win money on the first
three horses, not just the winner. It's best to
choose a horse with long-odds for most money. Try:
* Afistfullofdollars - Ireland's sole runner.
* Neptune Collonges - from the same stable
as Kauto and Denman.
* Knowhere - people have been quietly bigging him up.

Feeling brave? Pick a horse to challenge Kauto Star and
Denman in Friday's Gold Cup. £25 free bet with Betfair:

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which WAG took her mobile phone to be repaired
and has since discovered that topless photos she
had on her phone are being hawked around
to the tabloids?

This Premiership star might start more
games if he stayed out of the clubs a
bit more. His inability to hold his drink
has got him into compromising situations,
including one after an away game which ended
in him playing away, and some heavy-handed
legal threats to stop the girl doing a
kiss and tell.

Wonder why The Klaxons looked so out of it trying
to mime alongside Rihanna at the Brits? They'd
dropped some acid before the show. Respect.

>> Telling porkies <<
What's going on at News International?

News of The World have had two big football
News of The World had a big interview with
crocked Arsenal star Eduardo, where they
detailed at length the visit to the hospital
of the guy who broke Eduardo's leg, Martin
Taylor. Except it was entirely made-up.
Eduardo gave his first real post-injury
interview to Croatian TV last week, and said
he had not given an interview to NOTW. The
Croatian journalist and L'Equipe both report
that the whole story about Taylor visiting
the hospital was false.

And now The Sun is getting in on the act. On his
blog Thom Yorke accuses The Sun of totally
misquoting him over Radiohead's decision not to
play Glastonbury. In an article about concertgoers'
carbon footprints, The Sun quoted Yorke as saying
Radiohead weren't playing Glastonbury because of
the lack of transport infrastructure. Yorke said
they headlined a couple of years back and just had
no plan to do it this year, “we felt as if we had
only just played there.”


Reasons to be cheerful no 243: Sara Cox has
named her son Isaac. Yep, Isaac Cox.

>> Cheltenham - no! <<
People who shouldn't go racing this week

1. Mark Woollen from Newcastle, who is only
six months out of a suspended jail term for
having sex with a female horse, Molly. The
horse's distraught owner said it was “like
having a member of the family raped”.

2. Gai Waterhouse, Australian trainer whose
horse, Love You Honey, tested positive for
cocaine after it came last in a race.

3. The Queensland lab technician who has stolen
parts of human brains to inject into racehorses
to make them run faster. Ew.

4. Kevin Long, from County Durham, who was
spotted fellating a horse. “I was just being
nice to it” was his defence. Along with the
claim he just “fell under the horse”.

5. Trudie Styler. Horses need their sheaths
cleaned by their owners to prevent the build-up
of smegma. Trudie does the Sting family horses
herself. Not a suitable activity at a racecourse,
though. (How to clean your horse's penis):

6. Patches the horse. Too lazy. Likes cars:

7. Three celebrities described to us as
being “hung like a horse” - Bruce Forsyth,
John Leslie, Richard Drummie of Go West.

More doctor euphemisms for odd or crazy patients.
IWB is one up from NFN. Intercourse with biscuits.
i.e. fucking crackers)

>> France, twelve points <<
Daft Punk is playing at my Eurovision

We're worried that the recent golden age
of Eurovision is coming to an end. Last year's
quality was down on the year before and
this year there are just so many joke entries
that just aren't funny (e.g. Spain, Bosnia).
But it's not all doom and gloom, check
out these beauties:

1. France, Sebastien Tellier:
Divine is produced by Guy-Manuel of Daft
Punk. Brilliant and bonkers. And
mainly sung in English:

2. Finland, Teräsbetoni
Not content with introducing us to Lordi
in 2006, now we get full-on proper rock:

3. Russia, Dima Bilan
Second placed behind Lordi, Dima's re-entry
is proof Russia are desperate to bring
Eurovision to Moscow. Big English language
ballad produced by Timbaland. Dima's
rich backer doesn't like it, he's started
calling Dima "the chief black man in Russia”.

Every thoroughbred race horse is descended from one
of three Arabian stallions that were brought to
England in 18th century - Byerly Turk, Darley Arabian
or Godolphin Barb.

>> Zedonk zurprise <<
Colchester zoo's star

Animal of the week - The Zedonk.
* He's half zebra, half donkey (geddit?)
* Shadow the Zedonk was born in Colchester
Zoo 30 years ago; one of the first born
in captivity. You do find many zedonks in
Africa where the live in the wild together.
* A zedonk was featured in Darwin's
Orign of the Species.
* There's another nice zedonk called
Alex. He lives in Barbados. He's one of
the only zedonks where the donkey not
the zebra was the dad.
* A zedonks can also be called a zonkey,
zebrass, zebronkey, zebadonk, zenkey,
zebrinny or deebra.

Shadow - he's nice:

Sign up with Betfair and use your £25 FREE bet on a
Kauto Star win. You'll make £55 if he does it.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Russian mobsters, sheep and goats

This year is the 25th anniversary of the greatest
Gold Cup yet - when trainer Michael Dickinson
trained the first five horses. Winner Bregawn
died at the end of last year, aged 34.

Russian mobster tombstones

Rap generator:

Last FM meets ukeleles:

Sheep and goats are the only animals with
square pupils:

Fergie from Black Eyed Peas used to voice
Sally in Peanuts. She does the voice:

30% off Men's and Women's Fashion. Discoo is
having a Spring Clean to make way for new
stock. Use code "springclean". Hurry -
ends Friday:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 16th March

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
LEONA LEWIS Better In Time
UTAH SAINTS Something Good 08

++ Top Twenty
PANIC AT THE DISCO Nine in the Afternoon
ELBOW Grounds for Divorce
FUTUREHEADS The Beginning If The Twist

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, dollymixture, LT, SW, WB, WB, CB, SM,
DW, DM, B, JO, LA, enzothebaker, ennuyee, AC, C,
deep_stoat, celtiagirl, MS, DK

Old Scottish Jokes Home 2:
Q: Why are married women heavier
than single women?

A: Single women come home, see what's in
the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in
bed and go to the fridge.

Still Bored:
Nice zombie game.