Thursday, March 20, 2008

Gary Numan

Are you top of the pops? Know your Mutya from your Mariah?
Have a go in our special Buzz! Pop league for the chance
to win a PS2 and a copy of the game. Use code "popbitch"
and enter your email address at the end of the quiz:

“Me? Join in on the '80s revival? I'd
rather eat worms” - Gary Numan
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 20.03.08 ISSUE 390
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Dimitri Medveded 's castrated cat
* Rodney Marsh takes off his shoes
* Charts: Duffy is still number one

>> Age old problem <<
Sir Anthony has shock in the mirror

Sir Anthony Hopkins is in the UK to film a
new version of classic monster movie, The Wolfman.
He plays the distinguished, white-bearded father
of Benicio del Toro's werewolf. Sir Ant was
spotted walking down Elizabeth St, Belgravia at
the weekend. At one point he was overheard turning
to his companions and saying, ”I just caught
sight in that shop window of an old man walking
along the street. And then I realised it was me!”

Brian McFadden says his girlfriend Delta Goodrem
will only let him smoke in the garage. It's a long
way from being married to Kerry Katona.

In our mailout of 11 October 2007 we carried a piece
entitled Maxed out - Beesley makes beeline for beauties
in which we alleged that at a TV industry party in
Cannes, Max Beesley was trying to line up three women
to have sex with and asked one woman who said that she
was not interested in having sex to go away so that he
could find someone else. We now accept the item was
totally untrue. We apologise unreservedly to Max and
have agreed to pay him compensation and his legal costs.

Lily Allen has just bought a flat in Kilburn, in the
same building as Primal Scream's bassist Mani and
their ex-manager Alex (son of Annie) Nightingale.

>> Mott the nine o clock news <<
Star's star holds forth on poltics

Daily Star's much-mocked showbiz columnist Joe Mott
is quitting his column. Luckily for journalism
he's not quitting. He has a new opinion column.

Joe will be “holding forth on topics from politics
to culture, via dogs, traffic wardens, war,
religion and, er, anything else that causes
me anger, mirth or puzzlement.”

Perhaps another front page apology - this time
for readers?

US media is gossiping that Nigella Lawson's weight-
gain is causing problems in the filming of her new
show and the director is shooting only above the waist.

>> Marshgate <<
Load of old balls

W writes:
Old football pundit Rodney Marsh was on my flight
to Tampa, Florida earlier this month. At the gate
he seemed annoyed by a random bag search and
the request to take his shoes off, so he started
playing keepy-uppys with the shoes.

Mark Ronson live, Rob da Bank with cymbals strapped
to his knees, and a gang of rampant housewives.
Make up your own headline:

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

A primary school class sent off letters to
celebrities with a picture of a lifeboat
which they asked the celebrities to colour in.
As the days went on pupils started to get
letters back, which they all opened in class.
Paul O'Grady sent the picture back featuring
his dog Buster, and David Tennant's was
particularly good. But which Newsnight
presenter caused one little girl to cry?
As she opened the envelope, her letter and
lifeboat picture fell out. Untouched and
uncoloured, with nothing else.

Ray Winstone is in talks to star in a new TV version
of The Sweeney.

>> Parlez-vous popbitch? <<
Say goodbye fierce, hello ferosch

“That's fierce!” Is SO over. Following the
maxim that when GMTV presenters start to use a
phrase it's no longer fit for polite company
it's time to do as New York A-gays are doing.
Ferocious is stronger than fierce. So, you
are Ferosch, girl!

For example:
Old: Fiona “Fierce” Phillips

New: Heather “Ferosch” Mills

FYI: The best description of Heather in court
we've heard? “Justin Toper in drag”

Heather Mills was awarded 30k a year for wine, food,
fruit and flowers. That's 82 quid a day. Or one
Starbucks latte, big mac meal, bottle of wine, bunch
of flowers and a gram of coke and change left over!

>> Silver machines <<
Neon Neon try to go Back To The Future

Super Furry Animal Gruff Rhys' new band Neon Neon
played LA's Viper Room on Monday. To celebrate
their album's dedication to the DeLorean sports car
the label hired two of them to be parked outside.
A driver was there to whisk them off to the after-
show party. A photo-op with the speedometer set
at Back to the Future speed 88mph was too much to
pass up so they sped down Sunset Strip. And were
promptly pulled over by Highway Patrol long before
they could get anywhere near the mythical 88mph.

The bass player from Sleeper now works behind the
bar in The Old Ship Tavern, Hackney.

>> Bourne free <<
Wolfman Whispers

medium_smart writes:
“I was walking the dog in the Bourne Woods,
Farnham, which is, as every fool knows, the
Los Angeles of England. Last week was the new
Harry Potter - sixty crew and three weeks
rigging for a four hour shoot, and this week
they're prepping for The Wolf Man, which
requires forty caravans, a hundred and twenty
first unit crew and the construction of two
ginormous 'gypsy camps'. The hot word on the
street is that Benicio Del Toro is, in the
words of a straight, male location manager
'so cool, I'd fuck him myself'; Emily Blunt
is 'lovely, not quite as attractive as one
might think but sexier'; and Anthony Hopkins
'just doesn't speak'. They arrive next Thursday
Oh, and the director who shouted at my dog has
been sacked (perhaps for some other reason) and
they now have the estimable Joe Johnston
(Honey I Shrunk The Kids, Jurassic Park III)
turning their $85m budget into cunt soup.”

Huey Lewis's grandfather invented the red wax
sealant you find on certain cheeses.

>> Animals of the week <<
Medvedev's cat moves to the Kremlin

1. New Russian President Dimitri Medvedev
has just moved his cat, Dorofei, into the Kremlin.
Dorofei is quite famous in Russia. The
Medvedevs used to live next door to Mikhail
Gorbachev and Dorofei got in a fight with
Gorbachev's cat. Dorofei lost. The shame was
obviously too much and the Medvedevs got
the cat neutered to stop any further incidents.

2. Knut's father wants to get his hands on
Knut's money. Or rather, the zoo that owns the
daddy polar bear has been suing Berlin zoo
for a cut of the profits.

3. Jacko's animals have been bought. They're
moving from Neverland to the Banjoko wildlife
preserve in Arizona. The private zoo, including
tigers, giraffes, snakes and parrots were being
cared for by Neverland zookeepers, who had gone
without pay for months just to look after them,
but have now been rescued:

3. There's a bear in Macedonia with a criminal
record. For the last year he has been raiding
a beekeeper's hives and stealing the honey.
Zoran Kiseloski kept the animal away with a
generator playing thumping Serbian turbo-folk
music. But every time it went off the bear came
back, so he took him to court. And in his absence
the bear, who remains at large, was fined over
2000 euros.

"Gossip Girl here. Ready to diss and tell."
"You know you love me xoxo"
Starts next Thursday -10pm on ITV2.(diss not kiss!)

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Crucifixion, walruses, Jerry the dog

The Jim McGreevey divorce case is on. Wife Dina is
arguing she was tricked into marrying a gay man.
The driver claims the Governor only had sex with
the missus with him there too and that the former
New Jersey Governor, wife and chauffeur used to
share a hotel room, even on official business.

Crucifixion is bad for your health:

Dancing walrus:

Jerry the dog can play on his own:

Devil child sings love song to 'Mom'
Is that a canoe in his trousers?

Someone from Sex and the City made a
mucky movie and here are photos:

Which lucky model will become the Girl of OSOYOU? Help
your favourite win by logging in and rating them:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 23rd March

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
GIRLS ALOUD Can't Speak French

++ Top Twenty
LEONA LEWIS Footprints in the Sand

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: AM, dollymixture, LT, SW, WB, NK, pauly,
bathwithkirsty, slippery_nipple, deep_stoat, honk,
whitemaninhammersmithpalais, AM, AC, JB, missus,
the_sundance_flid, honk, juju500, c, pauline, SW
dollymixture, GA, real scottish lady,

Old Easter Jokes Home:
Q: There are two cows in a field - how do you
tell which one is on holiday?

A: It's the one with the wee calf.

Still Bored:
Free, open source air guitar game where
you use your keyboard like a guitar. Rock on:

No comments: