Funding Mentalism‏

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Economy collapsing? Global warming out of control?
Relax and watch some dirty movies: Strictly Broadband -
the adult video site you can trust.
http://tinyurl.com/3qvo3z
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"揑抦 37. I have nothing to say about the new
90210. Who gives a shit.??Sarah Silverman

"I'd love to appear on Strictly Come Dancing myself
although I wouldn't have been able to do it this year
with my swollen boobs and lipo scars." - Kerry Katona
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|_|         |_|  25.09.08 ISSUE 415
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* John McCain's chopper
* Jordan: constipation good, prolapse bad
* Charts: Kings of Leon are still number one
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       >> Help Morris!  <<
       Turn terrorism comedy into movie

   We told you that Chris Morris' terror cell
   comedy had been rejected by a fearful Channel 4
   and BBC. It seems they have a history of
   this. Muslim comedian Omar Mazouk was to
   present a mockumentary about misguided
   suicide bombers for BBC but this was also
   nixed. He took the idea to a TV network in
   Denmark instead, where it's getting rave reviews.
  
   And putting two fingers up to TV commissioners,
   Morris is turning his Jihadi sitcom into a
   film. He's got producers at Warpfilm and a
   distributor. All he needs now is enough money
   to make the film. Which is where we come in.
   Popbitch readers donating between 25 and 100
   quid to help get the film made will get the
   chance to be in it. So get out your cheque book
   and burkha and email:
   fundingmentalism@warpfilms.com

   Chris would not deny or confirm that recruits
   who sign up will also get a free al-Qaeda
   explosives handbook.


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Popbitch's favourite autobiography title:
Girls Aloud's Dream That Glitter.
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       >> Chateau temporary <<
       Maybe Monty likes writing more than vineyards

   Chateau Monty is the TV show that has wine writer
   Monty Waldin trying to run a vineyard. He can't
   have liked it very much. TV folk tell us that
   when filming was over, so was Monty's career as
   a vineyard owner.


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Natalie, Nicole and Mel All Saints spotted yesterday
walking on Hampstead Heath in the rain. They were
all carrying a small dog.
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       >> Bike wars <<
      McCain offers Sarah Palin a ride on his chopper

   All you have to do is stand for President and
   American companies start showering you with
   freebies. John McCain was just given a customised
   motorbike, by Orange County Choppers. It's
   designed to be a tribute to PoWs - the barbed
   wire highlights are especially tasteful.

   When McCain was presented with the bike he said
   "Sarah and I are going to get on that chopper
   and ride it straight to Washington!".

   Sadly John McCain doesn't have a bike license and
   his years as a PoW means he can't lift his arms
   high enough to reach the handlebars. Plus the
   lack of rear suspension would aggravate his
   enlarged prostate. Oh and the bike isn't road
   legal either. Nice work, Orange County Choppers.

Bike:
http://www.sturgistravels.com/2004/occ.po4.jpg

Choppers for Obama!
http://tinyurl.com/ObamaBadge


******************************************************
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        >> Big Questions <<
     What people are asking this week

   Which UK TV star's marriage is going through a
   rough patch not just because of her work
   commitments but because her husband is more
   interested in the attentions of other men?


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Neil Tennant passed his driving test yesterday.
Congratulations.
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       >> Constipation good, prolapse bad <<
       Jordan's handy definition for celeb privacy

   As lawyers desperately scrabble to define what
   is or isn't private, Jordan has come up with
   her own definition in OK!

   Q: You had surgery for a prolapsed womb?
   A: I don't want to talk about that because
   it's no-one's business.

   Next paragraph
   Q: What was wrong with your bowels?
   A: "... I had to have a catheter fitted and I
   was so blocked I couldn't go to the toilet
   for 13 days... when I finally did, it took me
   three hours to give birth to a pebble."


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Emma Bunton and boyfriend Jade were shopping this
week in Borehamwood Shopping Centre. She was carrying
a small bag from Clarks.
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       >> Reporting from Afghanistan <<
       What has the army got up its sleevies      

   The BBC recently did a documentary uncovering
   bullying in the army. Obviously to make the
   show a journalist had to join the army, go
   through training etc. Once his investigation
   was complete he needed to leave in order
   to complete the expose so he claimed his
   girlfriend was pregnant and was forcing him
   to leave the army - allowing him to resign
   on compassionate grounds.

   The army have now worked out this was untrue so
   are said to be looking at making the reporter
   come back and complete his service, as he is
   legally obliged to do so. Bosses think he'd
   be perfect for a posting to Afghanistan.
 
      
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The Telegraaf newspaper in Holland has a column
from renowned personal trainer, Oswin Beingsick:
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       >> Steven Garbo <<
       Gerrard just wants to be left alone, kinda

   Another celebrity with an odd concept of privacy
   is Steven Gerrard. When we suggested Steven was
   looking at a new house in Lancashire, his lawyers
   were very quick to claim Gerrard's privacy was
   being invaded. So it's surprising to see Steven
   this week on the front cover of OK! invading his
   own privacy with a family photo-shoot at his
   "exclusive Portuguese holiday hideaway". As he
   recently told footballers' style-bible Icon,
   "When I want to get away from football with my
   family and there are people following us with
   cameras. I feel I deserve my own time with my
   family too... it annoys me when people don't
   respect my family's privacy."


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Last weekend's best golf news:two-ball pairing in the
Viking Classic in Minnesota: Brian Gay and Dicky Pride.
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       >> Hey Big spenders <<
       How not to get a suit in London

   The credit crunch is even biting in celebrity
   world. Sex and the City's Mr Big, Chris Noth
   needed a new suit in London recently so got a small
   London boutique to come to his Claridges suite
   and do a fitting for him. Noth was pleasant,
   and the fitting went well. After he left, the
   boutique owner asked his 'people" how they
   should bill for their work. There was some
   awkward shuffling of feet until it dawned on
   the shop manager that the actor's staff had
   assumed they would get it for free. Cue more
   awkwardness until the boutique manager left.


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Nearly all of Sainsbury's smoked salmon is produced
by Ian Anderson from Jethro Tull.
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       >>> American thought police <<
       Baggage screening is SO 2007

   Airport security in America is turning Orwellian.
   Homeland Security is testing a new generation of
   security screening -  one that can read your mind.
   Malintent has a series of sensors and imagers that
   read your body temperature, heart rate and
   respiration for unconscious tells invisible to the
   naked eye. Security chiefs say this will help them
   find the signals terrorists and criminals may
   display in advance of an attack. Those of you
   scared of flying, or trying to smuggle a tiny bit
   of weed in your wallet, give up now or prepare for
   life in Guantanemo. The man behind the new system
   says his goal is to "restore a sense of freedom."
  
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Celebrity hotel names: Cindy Crawford checks in as
Ann Walker. Tyra Banks is Heather Kelly.
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       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Ferret, muppets, anti-social networking

  Bored with Facebook? Getting tired of poking,
  biting and throwing sheep at your friends? Welcome
  to the advent of Anti-Social Networking. You can
  even cheat at Scrabble:
http://apps.facebook.com/antisocialnetworking/index.php

  Shoes to die for ?check out the hottest partying
  heels around:
http://www.osoyou.com/street-style/Party-feet/Party-feet-1.publisha

   Everything you ever wanted to know about muppets:   
http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Muppet_Wiki

   Ferret tarot:
http://taroteca.multiply.com/photos/album/274/Ferret

   Killers' new single is absolutely brilliant!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2yoIavS7rE

   Spore is a new computer game where you can
   design fantastical creatures and make them live.
   So, what do the mongs of the internet do with this
   amazing creative power? Make phallic animals of
   course. Like this dancing penis monster with teeth.
http://spornography.net/viewtopic.php?f=15&t=65


       >> Chart Predictions <<
       New entries/High climbers Sun 28th September

++ Number One
KINGS OF LEON Sex On Fire

++ Top Ten
FAITH HILL There You'll Be
JENNIFER HUDSON Spotlight
SUGABABES Girls

++ Top Twenty
JAMES MORRISON You Make It Real
KANYE WEST Love Lockdown

++ Top Forty
DEMI LOVATO/JOE JONAS This Is Me
JACK WHITE & ALICIA KEYS Another Way To Die
WHITE LIES Death


     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

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Thanks to: AM, SW, harry topknot, LM,  toofattoskate,
danceswithmustelids, Am, CS, SW, calendergirl,
fman, fatlimey, godhatesshrimp,
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Old Jokes Home:
Q: What goes clip clop  clip clop  clip clop
clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop
bang bang clip clop clip clop clip clop clip clop ?

A: An Amish drive by shooting.

Still Bored:
Sarah Palin's handler let her out long enough
to do a TV interview. Katie Couric doesn't
look impressed:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vbg6hF0nShQ&eurl