Friday, November 30, 2007

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The DarJeeling Limited

Very beautiful. Time flies past. Not Wes' best, but a very close third.

Textile Porn

Textile porn? Have The C'mons been stringing
us along - what do you think?

"If the inquiry names names, then names will
be named." - Gordon Brown, PM.

"The house has noticed the Prime Minister's
remarkable transformation in the past few
weeks - from Stalin to Mr Bean." - Vince Cable
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 30.11.07 ISSUE 377
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Say hello to the Wine-alikes
* Munchkins: The true story
* Charts: Leona Lewis is still number one

>> Beware the Crack-Finger <<
The latest thing to blacken Amy's name

Photos of Amy Winehouse have highlighted an
unfortunate new physical development - a
nicely blackened thumb and index finger.
Either she's been lighting a lot of candles
recently or it seems that she might have
winter 2007's least on-trend accessory -
The Crack Finger. Users burn rocks with a
cigarette lighter at an angle which discolours
the fingers and makes the lighter plastic
melt against the skin.

FYI: Why does Blake Winehouse always wear that
pork-pie hat? "Male pattern baldness", we're told.

FYI 2: What is Amy Winehouse's favourite tube
station? High Barnet. (Sorry)

You're reading popbitch so your morals are probably
suspect. If you're married and horny but want more
we've got 140,000 solutions for you:

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which ex-England rugby player made few friends
at a corporate after-dinner speaking engagement
recently? A waiter tried to clear up the
tables as he was speaking, so the rugby star
greeted him with the phrase, "Excuse me,
could you fuck off? And go back to Italy."

The tour manager of which indie band got so
sick of the band getting wasted on gak every
day that he started crushing up pro-plus tablets
and getting someone to sell them to his charges?

Hot Chip's next single, Ready For The Floor,
is brilliant

>> Say hello to the Wine-alikes <<
The sound of 2008 - much like 2007

Every day the music industry comes up with
another excuse for the implosion of their
hegemony. File-sharing, technology, climate
change, monkeys (probably). We've got another
theory. A lot of people in it don't know their
arse from their elbow. The one thing they do
know how to do is copy what is already
successful. Amy Winehouse has been huge in
2007, so next year we get loads of bluesy
female soloists.

Adele - we brought you her music back
in the summer - and she has the charisma
and talent to take on Amy head-to-head:

Duffy - somewhat dull and mumsy, the perfect
soundtrack to a pro-biotic yogurt ad:

Beth Rowley - disturbingly tall former
jazz singer. Interesting:

Gabriella Cilmi - Winehouse-lite, but
better looking, and without the
Crack Finger:

The centre of Khartoum is laid out like the shape
of the Union Jack.

>> Whatever happened to... <<
David Sneddon. Remember him?

In 2002 David Sneddon unexpectedly won Fame
Academy. And that was that. So what's he doing
now? Well, we spotted him at Bush Hall this week
getting drunk at the Colby Caillet gig. This is
what we learned. His parents are coming to visit
him this weekend. (He lives in London with his
girlfriend). And the following weekend he's going
back to Scotland to see them. But the weekend
after that he is free.

FYI: David also owns a recording studio and is
a songwriter, signed to Universal.

White dogs are often deaf.

>> Big balls Biggins <<
Tips well and leaves a big impression

A_reliable_source writes:
"A friend was working in a hotel in the north
at Christmas time when Christopher Biggins
and Barbara Windsor were staying while
doing a nearby panto. One night Babs and
Biggins were getting royally pissed on
champagne. After their fourth bottle was
finished they requested another and my
friend delivered it to their room. Biggins
was in top form and asked her to stay
for a drink. However, he and Babs were
wearing towelling robes and, as he made
his grand gesture, his robe flew open
and his cock and balls were free for all
in the room to see. Babs got a giggling fit
and my friend made her excuses and left.
Apparently his cock was average but he
had very large balls. And they were
both excellent tippers."

FYI: IMACGMOOH. Popbet knows the winner of
and it's not who you think.

For the first time since 1980, the percentage of
overweight adults in USA has not increased year-on-year
"You can only get so fat," says one physiologist.

>> Money to burn <<
EMIs fruit-and-flower-fest

EMI's new head honcho Guy Hands is said in
the press to be horrified at the company's
excesses. For example, 200 grand a year on
"fruit and flowers" for EMI's London HQ and
20 grand a month on candles for an LA flat
used by EMI artists.

We wonder if Guy knows that while fruit,
flowers and candles are often bought in the
music industry, popbitch readers will
know it has also been a useful accounting
loophole that allowed unlimited money to
be spent legitimately purchasing drugs
and hookers. Primal Scream and Suede were
defrauded by an accountant who used this
"fruit and flowers" loophole to steal half
their money while Billy Idol supposedly
favoured "champagne and flowers".
Wonder who prefers candles?

Fashionistas are wondering if Heather Mills, at
her soapbox thingy about veganism at Speakers Corner,
was wearing a pair of leather MBT trainers?

>> All new Tatu <<
They're back, and pissing on Girls Aloud

Russia's finest sometime-lesbo pop princesses
are back. In the last four years Julia
Volkova has had a baby with a karate champion,
dated the pantheon of Russian male pop stars,
started singing again with Lena Katina and
is now pregnant again, while original svengali,
and tabloid paedo hate-figure, Ivan Shapovalov
has disappeared. New single, Beliy Plaschik,
is awesome, and has a startling video with
Lena ordering the firing-range execution of a
seven-month pregnant Julia.

Watch video and see Julia's boy-menagerie,
including a Russian rapper:

Ziggy's ex-bandmate Dan Corsi is now an
in-house model for River Island.

>> Reality check <<
Nick Rhodes: world's coolest pop star?

Our favourite internet exchange of the
week, from

"Dear Nick Rhodes,
In 2004 you took part in a debate at the
Oxford University to discuss 'that reality
T.V is killing real music'. Do you not
think that your upcoming appearance on
the reality TV music series, The X-Factor,
sits at odds with the stance you fought
hard to defend?"
IzzY World.

"Dear Izzy,
The irony had not escaped me. Just as I lost
the vote at the Oxford debate, I also lost
the vote in the democracy that is Duran
Duran... As I don't personally choose
which shops stock our records, I have to
remain somewhat impartial about the limited
choice of opportunities to perform live
on popular television shows too."

Popbitch's favourite Osterley dentist: Dr Payne.

>> Tall tales... <<
... Of little folk

The Wizard of Oz movie is 68 years old. The
surviving nine (out of 124) munchkins gathered
last week to receive a star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. So many legends exist about
these little folk's extraordinary behaviour
on set that we investigated.

Many tales were started by Judy Garland. She
once claimed a munchkin approached her on set
and said "Judy, someday I'm going to fuck you."
Her alleged reply? "If you do and I catch you..."

The rest of the myths decoded - true or false:

* Boozing
One drunken munchkin supposedly fell into a
toilet at MGM and had to be rescued. TRUE-ISH!

* Orgies
Mervyn Leroy, the film's producer, joked about
epic munchkin group sex sessions. 124 little
folk in one place... we have no other
evidence, but we still say TRUE!

* Hanging
Legend says that one heartbroken munchkin
hanged himself during filming. When Dorothy
& co. dance down the yellow brick road you
see a large object swinging in the background.
It's no munchkin, it's a bird: FALSE!

* Dwarfs v Dog
Did they get paid less than Toto? Munchkin
Jerry Maren said they were paid $50 per week
for a 6-day working week. Toto, the dog,
got $125 per week. TRUE!

Port Sudan airport was until quite recently called
Osama Bin Laden International, after the man who built
it. Maybe that says something about the country.

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Binturong, rap maths and vagina purses

Rap represented in mathematical graphs
and charts:

Lady-part bags:

Morrissey manager Merck's riposte
to the NME cover:

Shag trophies as clothing. Nice:

Loads of music, pop culture, tv and
film t-shirts at our pre-Christmas sale.
Free P&P, all prices slashed:

Cool clothes for rock'n'roll chicks!

Get a Binturong. They're now legal to keep
as a pet. And so cute:

Under 24, or still pretending to be?
Free texts and phone calls:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 2nd Dec

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
GIRLS ALOUD Call The Shots

++ Top Twenty
SOULJA BOY Crank That (Soulja Boy)
ELVIS PRESLEY An American Trilogy

++ Top Forty
EDITORS The Racing Rats

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

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* Web hosting by:

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* Adam Curtis is presenting his documentaries at
Whitechapel Art Gallery, 8-9 December. He's also
going to tell you why the YBAs are our equivalent
of the Socialist Realists in the Soviet Union
under Stalin and Khruschev. And why he likes
marmots so much. Get tickets:

Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, party_b, S, onthehushhush, DM,
AC, onthehushhush, NZGirl69, missus, eddie, SW,
the dusthunter, FF,


Old England Football Jokes Home:
Brian Barwick sees an old lady in the street
struggling with heavy shopping.
"Can you manage love?" he asks.
"It's OK", she says, "I don't want
the job, thanks".

Still Bored:
Our favourite Xmas song - We're All Going To Die:

Thursday, November 29, 2007


Wednesday 28 November edition
10th British Independent Film Awards
Winners Announced


Hi everybody from the British Independent Film Awards.

It's been ten years since we started doing these awards, and everyone at Raindance is really proud at how they have grown.
BIFAtrophy Press Release

I'm at BIFA at the Roundhouse, and the winners have just been announced.

Ten years on and BIFA has grown to celebrate the ever increasingly diverse range of talent out there.

This year's winners are no exception to this rule with Anton Corbijn winning the Douglas Hickox award and Dame Judi Dench winning Best Actress

Read the full list


Raindance Logo Our Next Big Venture

They say things come in three's, right?

How about this one: The very best independent shorts, features and documentaries on the internet - free to viewers, but making money from ads watched to go to filmmakers?

And you've heard of other companies doing this, but is different
PLatform Available from a platform near you

See it now.

On Joost (created by the duo who started Skype)
On Blinkbox (from the founders of Atom Films)
On Jalipo (the-Pay-Per View service)
On Binkx (the premier video search service)
On Nokia Video Centre - shorts straight to your handset

Coming soon to a platform near you:
On Binkx (the premier video search service)
On Dailymotion (France's top video site)
On Azureus Vuze

Over 15,000,000 can now access worldwide.

What's a platform?

We are really excited about what we are doing here. And we couldn't do it without your continued support.
Thanks much,

Elliot Grove
Raindance Festivals Limited
You can call us at +(44) 207 287 3833
Every week we print some cool stuff.

You can subscribe here
Filmmakers: To find out more about

For the FREE Raindance Film Course Catalogue

To have your event or crew call listed next week

If you liked this, you could help us stretch our marketing money by forwarding this to a firend by clicking the FORWARD EMAIL button right below. We'd like that!


I love Letterman. He's on Diva TV. Sky channel 282. Certain weeknights.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


I'm moving house on Saturday ...

Monday, November 26, 2007


Just as good as the first one ...


Boring film. Garner is fit though.

Loads More Bad Stuff - NewsBiscuit

Climate Change Scientists Warn ‘Loads More Bad Stuff’

In a shocking report released by the World Climate Change Investigative Committee yesterday, scientists have warned of 'some really bad stuff, more bad than the last stuff'.

The report goes on to say that if we continue to burn fossil fuels, strip forests, and sneak empty coke cans into the black bin instead of the blue bin, then the human race is headed for that total annihilation and rapid extinction that they warned about before ; only more so.

To read the full story, click here.

This once a day email is brought to you by NewsBiscuit.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

A Number Of People Are Hitting Me

Here are the last 20 people to click on this here blog today. A nice range of places. Click on the hit counter up there on the right and rummage.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Good Morning Vietnam

Everyone's seen this by now. And why not ? It's great. Good soundtrack too.

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - American Gangster

Awesome stuff from Scott. Edting could have been a tad pacier though.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Usual Suspects

Neo noir classic. It's very, very good. Watch it.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - Thirteen Ghosts

I like it, it's not too bad. The girls are pretty.

The mystery of Dag's hat

How's your movie and celebrity gossip knowledge
coming along? Spent enough time skiving online instead
of working so that you know the heroes from the
zeroes? Find out now with Buzz! The Hollywood Quiz;
click to set up your own office mini-challenge:

"Whenever I feel depressed I just talk to my
rabbit" - Captain Sensible

"I've gained no wisdom. There's nothing good about
aging. You just deteriorate and die" - Woody Allen
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
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| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 22.11.07 ISSUE 376
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* "Gordon - I'm Out!"
* Skull guard caught red-handed
* Charts: Leona Lewis is still number one

>> You've been framed? <<
Watch out Blake, Beadle's about

Blake Fielder-Civil, aka Mr Amy Winehouse,
currently banged up in Pentonville, is
telling anyone who'll listen that he's
innocent and didn't attempt to bribe the
bloke he assaulted to drop the charges, and
that it's a fit up. Well, whatever the truth
of that, one gang does have a plan afoot to
get some drugs and a hidden camera into
Pentonville to stitch him up and sell the
subsequent photos to the tabloids.

Chechnya's Presidential wingnut, Ramzan Kadyrov, has
given an order to limit the amount of celebration
gunfire at weddings. "Two or three shots are enough,
and not from large-calibre machine guns", he says.

>> Chelsy boots Harry <<
Prince's lady back on the market

Despite tabloid reports that Chelsy and Harry
are back together, that might not be the
whole story. We're hearing the bubbly blonde
has her eye on a tall, dark and handsome
Leeds-dweller.Well, you do need something to
keep you warm in your first Yorkshire winter.

Ian Brown is often seen in the village cake shop in
Lymm, Cheshire. He buys cream doughnuts for his
children and an iced finger for himself.

>> Art wank <<
Guard caught red-handed

When Damien Hirst's diamond skull was exhibited
at White Cube earlier this year, as well as a
guard on duty 24/7, it had a secret safe hidden
underneath, into which the fifty million pound
skull would drop at the end of the day. On one
occasion, after the gallery had closed, the
guard turned round and saw the skull had
vanished! New to the job and unaware of the
existence of the safe, the guard pressed
the alarm and called for help. All was well,
the skull was in its safe, and the guard was
suitably embarrassed. Although not as
embarrassed as he was later, when gallery staff
had checked the cctv to see what had happened,
and saw that the guard had missed what had
gone on because he was standing in the corner
of the room having a crafty wank.

The Spice Girls' comeback single looks set to be the
lowest-selling Children In Need Record.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

A crew member on a very posh Mediterranean
yacht tells us he stumbled upon which
world statesman snogging the yacht captain's
wife on deck, while his spouse was asleep
in their cabin?

Which Cabinet member's son was snapped after
a university party with a couple of
Anderton-alikes in bed and several lines on
the table nearby? The student who took the
photos still has them.

The latest McCann swingers rumour doing the rounds
is that Robert Murat is the King of The Swingers
in Portugal, and is therefore responsible for
snatching Maddie's disappearance.

>> Safety first <<
Airport security: not all that

A flight attendant tells us about a recent flight
out of Johannesburg. The attendants were doing
the usual cross-checking, pre-flight routine
when the senior steward realised that upstairs
on the jumbo no-one was responding.

Confused, and mildly concerned that something
bad could have happened, like a flight attendant
falling ill, or a hijack, he ran up the stairs
to investigate, but just found a scene of calm.
"What's going on, and why didn't you answer me?"
he asked the flight attendant. "Well", she
answered. "My sister is the flight attendant.
She wasn't feeling well this morning so we
thought if I wore her uniform and came along for
the trip no-one would notice."

Sky News have a show next Monday about otters being
killed by people trying to catch crayfish. (They
are being enouraged by TV chefs, apparently).

>> Safari so goody <<
Jackiey talks her way to the Gambia

Jade Goody's mum, Jackiey Budden, was on a
flight to the Gambia recently. The poor chap
who found himself sitting next to her was
treated to a six-hour non stop monologue about
her life, including a 30 minute slot just on
how she spells her name. There was no movie
on the plane. Not even headphones.

Detroit band The Romantics are suing Activision over
a version of their song What I Like About You that
appears on the game Guitar Hero Encore: Hits of the 80s.

>> Unfair trade <<
Farmer tells TV chef to hop it

Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall isn't the most
popular man in Dorset. He recently went
to Axminster farming suppliers Mole
Avon, picked up a basketload of goods and
walked to the front of the queue. A
farmer who had been patiently queuing
shouted out "Hey! What are you doing? Get
back!" Hugh replied "Don't you know who
I am?" When the farmer suggested that he
didn't much care, Hugh abandoned his basket
and walked out.

FYI: The main gripe about Hugh in the
village currently is that the scones he sells,
costing one pound each, are not made by him or
on his farm, "but in Bridport".

Get free mobile content from the amazing NME Rock'n'
Roll Riot Tour when you buy the new Samsung F210 on O2

>> Bleeding love <<
Lynne Franks meets Mother Earth

Legend has it that on one balmy summer's night
in Majorca Lynne Franks decided to lie in
a ditch by the side of a road casually
menstruating. She was giving something back
to Mother Earth.

FYI Get Rodney Marsh or John Burton Race out.
Want a free 25 quid bet?

The girl in the Wonderbra take-off of the Cadbury's
In The Air Tonight advert is Bad Ass Strippa
flop Jentina.

>> "Gordon - I'm Out!" <<
Dragon tells MPs to cough up

When Dragon's Den judge Duncan Bannatyne's
company took over the Living Well gym in
Westminster he discovered that MP members
(including Estelle Morris, Gordon Brown and
Paul Boateng) were paying a hugely reduced
rate compared to the 85 pounds per month that
all the regular members were paying. Bannatyne
was not impressed, raging "If Mr Brown wants
to be a member of THIS gym, he can pay the
same as everyone else".

Gordon Brown no longer uses that gymnasium,
but Anne Widdecombe does.

FYI: A fellow gym-goer tells us that Gordon Brown is
"incredibly pale and doughy" and that he's "not at
all keen on flashing" his penis in the changing rooms.
However he's seen it briefly and it was "unmemorable".

Free holiday, all expenses paid, round Europe with
five mates? If only...

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Pheromone, football heads, Sesame Street

Send someone a message in which McCain potatoes
sing a song. It's silly, made us laugh, and our
mums loved it. (And we rather stupidly gave
you the wrong link last week):

Thinking of donating marrow? Make sure it's the
right kind of marrow for the Anthony Nolan Trust:

Would you like to go to the most outrageous
party in London?

Original Sesame Street series are now on DVD.
And have a "parental advisory" sticker - not
suitable for children. We disagree:

10% off two or more t-shirt. Promo code
"popbitch" at the checkout.

Brilliant football game to waste your day playing:

Where Mick Hucknall gets his pulling power?

Altec Lansing's Orbit is the only portable speaker
you are ever going to win. And you can win a NYE
trip to Berlin by dancing like a God:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 25th Nov

Spice Girls blunder but Leona just keeps
bleeding. Will she ever stop bleeding?
We're starting to prefer Jamie Scott &
The Town's cover:

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
SHAYNE WARD Breathless
SPICE GIRLS Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)

++ Top Forty
GALLOWS Staring At Rude Bois

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

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Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, CS, LT, AM, SW, T
LP, LB, ladyvictoriadevonshire, thatevilwoman, CS,
thegingerprince, danceswithmustelids, toofattoskate,
ME, ladyvictoriadevonshire, shitkicker, NS, NJ
kps_jockstrap, theabominablehoman

Old Jokes Home:
I asked my girlfriend to tell me something that would
make me happy and sad at the same time.

She said I've got a bigger dick than my dad.

Still Bored:
The best (and hardest) sea otter quiz in the world:

Monday, November 19, 2007

Watch and share


Good comic book caper. Not as good as 2, better than 3.


Great (but depressing) hyperlink cinema drama thing from the guy who gave us Babel.

Sunday, November 18, 2007


Decent British true story film about a misunderstanding. Go track it down.


One of the worse films I have seen in a long, long time. Avoid.


It's okay I suppose. Demi with a crew cut ain't a good look.


Classic cult weed slacker movie. Ice Cube's pretty good in it.


What a load of shite ! Stay away from this tripe.

Late Popbitch

"My daughter had a birthday - I spent weeks
planning it - and they did an article saying I
killed the neighbour's dog" - Heather Mills
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 15.11.07 ISSUE 375
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Whatever happened to S Club Juniors
* Twizzle that turkey
* Charts: Leona Lewis still number one

>> Lynne Franks: the "inside" story <<
I'm a Celebrity, get it out of here

Lynne Franks is playing the earth mother on
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but her
legendary PR company was a terrifying place to
work in the 80s and early 90s. There was
compulsory African dancing and Buddhist chanting.

A favourite story among her staff was when
she phoned her PA in a panic early one morning
asking for an emergency appointment at her local
clinic, "for a retrieval". Her PA was bemused
but the story filtered out. Lynne had been having
sex with Seal the night before and the condom had
got lost "inside" somewhere.

FYI: Why not profit from Rodney Marsh's misogyny?
9/4 Marsh first to go.

Gordon Brown was in Soho bar The Player last Saturday,
sipping Sauvignon Blanc, surrounded by minders.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which Brit DJ/dance producer went on a
prestigious gig to Russia but woke up in his
hotel bed covered in blood? At his club appearance
the local mafia were horrified at his request
for mixers to go with his vodka so he embarked
on a eight-hour drinking binge with them
culminating in the DJ being carried back to his
hotel. His hosts were similarly trashed so
didn't notice they'd bashed his head on the
door to his room and cut his ear open.

Guests arriving at the state banquet for Saudi King
Abdullah were welcomed by a military band playing
tunes from Hello Dolly.

>> Our hero <<
Enrique throws himself into his work

Enrique Iglesias has been over here in UK
doing concerts at Wembley and hitting the
London clubs. Sadly nothing of much note
happened which could beat our favourite ever
story of a Enrique Iglesias gig. Enrique was
doing a concert in Rome and his people arranged
for some models and pretty girls to be stationed
in front of the left-hand side of the stage, so he
could dive in for some great photo and TV shots.
The crew reminded him when he went on, "left side,
Enrique". He thought they meant stage left.
So when Iglesias dived off the stage for his photo
opp, he wasn't where he thought he'd be. Instead,
he landed right in the disabled fans area.

David Beckham made some flight attendants very happy
on a recent BA flight when he stripped down to his
underwear in first class and changed into his pyjamas.

>> Tawdry telly <<
ITV's morning glory

While it is obviously amusing to see Jeremy
Kyle getting it in the neck from the tabloids,
it's good to remember he's not the only person
responsible for his "bear-baiting" TV show.
One TV executive told us how surprised they've
been to see ITV claim to be shocked that violence
should break out on the Kyle show, as at a
commissioning meeting, TV production companies
were told they were looking for new shows
to fill the "Chavs Fighting" morning slot.

Lilly Allen is getting her own BBC Three show. What
she doesn't know, is that for internal political
reasons, she might have to record it in Scotland.

>> Pop mini-me's grow up <<
Whatever happened to S Club Juniors?

S Club 8 burst on to the pop scene in 2001
to a general sense of indifference. They
quickly went away. So where are they now?
Hannah went back to school, Jay wants to go
into business after his A Levels, Rochelle
is "modelling", Stacey is learning to play
the guitar, Calvin is on a US TV show, Frankie
recently received her bronze swimming
certificate and Aaron is a dancer.

And Daisy? She's a Score Angel, one of the
News of The World's barely dressed cheerleaders.
So how does the paper, the scourge of Britain's
paedophiles, introduce this 17 year-old "32C
blonde beauty"? "At 12-years-old she was the
sweetest thing on the pop scene... but now
she's set to be the hottest talent on
England's football pitches."

Countdown to Midnight. This New Year's Eve join Take
That and Sugababes live at The O2. O2 customers have
a chance to get priority tickets here:

>> She's bootiful! <<
The sexual arousal of Turkeys

It's really not a good time of year for Turkeys.
Tens of thousands are being culled in a bird flu
scare. And then there's Christmas. But don't
spare too much sympathy. They're icky little
buggers. Researchers at Penn State University
have been investigating the sexual arousal of
male turkeys. They were impressed to see that
the birds attempted to mate with look-a-like
dummies. Piece by piece they removed parts of
the dummy and found that the males were still
highly aroused when presented with no more than
a head on a stick. However it doesn't work in
reverse. The turkeys failed to get the horn
for a turkey with no head. (We've yet to find
out if this is true of Steve Coogan...)

Rhydian, the one from X Factor who looks like an
android, likes to spend weekday evenings in the
Esporta gym, Swiss Cottage.

>> Plumbing the depths <<
Anthony Costa strikes out alone

Anthony Costa, the one who looked like a plumber
in Blue, has announced his first solo tour
of the UK next year. It starts on February 16,
at The Brindley, in Runcorn and finishes on
March 26, 2008 in Barrow in Furness, England.

From Runcorn to Barrow-in-Furness. One of the
saddest sentences in pop.

Popbitch's favourite London barrister:
Dr Julian Facebook.

>> Charity begins in LA <<
BBC loses out to California sunshine

BBC staff are rather sad this year about
Children In Need, a moment of warmth and
levity in their otherwise besieged world.
Their big celebrity pop guests of the year,
the Spice Girls, have decided to film their
performances in LA. (Even though they
managed to do their supermarket
adverts here). People are grumbling
that "even Madonna managed to drag her arse
down to Television Centre to perform two
years ago".

Bored at work? Bored at home? Shop in 26 different
High St stores, gossip about celebrities and fashion
and meet new friends on a new social network site:

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Potatoes, baby taser, pallas cats

Northern urinal slide:

Send someone a message in which McCain potatoes
sing a song. It's silly and made us laugh
(and our mums loved it)

Baby's First Taser - is it a cute pink seal or
is it a stun-gun?

Royal Males, Golf Sales & Burnside. All
with free UK p&p:

Recently unbanned pet, under the Dangerous
Animals Act. Get a pallas cat:

Madonna and Me: Misadventures of a would-be
pop star: For 20 years singer/songwriter
Nikki Racklin sat breathlessly expecting
stardom to come calling. Instead it happened to
an intriguingly-named Italian-American singer

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 19th Nov

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
ELVIS PRESLEY You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

++ Top Twenty

++ Top Forty
SPICE GIRLS Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
T2 FT JODIE AYSHA Heartbroken

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

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Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, WB, LT, AM, SW,
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* Want to plug your food/booze/Christmas gifts/
beauty products/fabulous things here?

Old Jokes Home:
Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head
with a vase and he went T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?"

"No", said Batman, I've got china in my hand.

Still Bored:
End world hunger, and find a new
game to become addicted to:

Sunday, November 11, 2007


Where was the comedy in this action comedy ? Jolie is fit.

For Selima

I'm cheap and lazy. Enjoy.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Manchurian Candidate

Pretty good stuff, if a little long. Streep continues to steal scenes.

Friday, November 09, 2007

There's A Carrot In My Pocket

"For good classic Indian takeaways I like
The Gaylord on the Isle of Dogs - I never
forget the name" - Enrique Iglesias

"I used to write for Ant and Dec. Before
they were good" - David Walliams
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|_| |_| 08.11.07 ISSUE 374
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Anna Nicole Smith's anus
* How music promotion works
* Charts: Leona Lewis still number one

>> Is that a carrot in your pocket? <<
Driving instructor with dodgy orange todger

Stephen Cooney is a Teesside driving instructor
with a difference. He keeps a 12-inch carrot
in his trousers. Stephen liked to encourage
his female learner drivers by telling them
their driving has been so good it has given
him an erection. At which point he'd point
to the carrot in his pants. 51 year-old Mr
Cooney also kept a selection of photos of his
penis in his glove compartment. Why? He'd been
given a digital camera and "was trying
close-up photography". Of his erect penis.

Mr Cooney is currently appearing in court on
indecent assault charges and hoping that the
jury buys his explanation. However, as the
prosecutor said, "When you go to a driving
instructor you may expect he would carry a
copy of the Highway Code. You would not expect
a driving instructor to drive around with a
12-inch carrot down his trousers pretending he
had an erection..." He may have a point.

Jennifer Lopez confirms her pregnancy - 7th October.
Popbitch brought you the news - 30th August.
You heard it here first.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Can anyone tell us if it is in his contract that
Nigel Barker of America's Next Top Model has
to be referred to as "noted fashion photographer"?

Did Alan Yentob have to resort to fake noddies
in Imagine because Bruce Nauman told producers
he refused to be interviewed by "that little
shit" Yentob?

A Lib Dem MP could bring his party's name
into disrepute. He's having an affair and
there's not a rent boy or dead dog in sight.
Just one attractive woman. (Only snag is the
politician and the lady are both married,
but not to each other.)

Oops she did it again - track 10 on the new Britney
album has a sample of Gary Glitter's Rock And Roll.

>> Paranoid label androids <<
How music promotion works - part 1

Radiohead dispatch their new album In
Rainbows, on 10th December. Coincidentally
an expensive box set and USB stick of all
six of their previous albums is being
released on the same day by EMI. Of course,
this has nothing to do with Radiohead's
decision not to re-sign with EMI at the end of
their contract. The label wouldn't be running
a spoiler against the band just because they
went out on their own, would they?

Jimmy Somerville says on Gaydar that he likes
having sex with men in suits. They have to wear a
double cuff shirt, preferably pink, and cufflinks.

>> Simon says <<
Bands hate manager shock!

Music industry legend Simon Napier-Bell was
approached by the BBC with a view to making a
programme about his life.

Napier-Bell said "of course", but pointed out
that they'd have a hard job as he'd fallen out
with every act he managed. So if they tried to
interview members of Wham, Japan, Ultravox, etc.
they'd probably say nothing except that he
was a cock. And it turned out he was right.

Pop warzones - four people were shot dead last
Saturday at a Carl Cox gig in Caracas, Venezuela. In
Liverpool, European Capital of Culture 2008, Soulwax
were assaulted live on stage by bouncers at Nation.

>> Wire gives support to bras <<
How music promotion works - part 2

Wire have received a nice paycheck thanks to
I Don't Understand being used on a recent
Victoria's Secret advert. And how did that
come about? Someone at the lingerie company's
advertising agency was trying to download an
episode of The Wire TV series from a file-sharing
site, but accidentally ended up with Wire's
Read & Burn 01 album.

Karl Lagerfeld has eight people travelling the world
filling iPods with music to inspire him.

>> Tit for tats <<
The facts about Anna

Poor Anna Nicole Smith. Dead aged 39 and
now dismissed in her autopsy as having an
"unremarkable anus". And here, at last,
is a definitive list of her tattoos:

* Pair of red lips in the right lower
abdominal quadrant.
* Two red cherries on the right mid-pelvis.
* A "Playboy Bunny" on the left anterior
* The words "Daniel" and "Papas" on the mid-
anterior pelvis region.
* Mixed tattoo on the right lower leg and
ankle representing Christ's head; Our Lady
of Guadalupe; the Holy Bible; the naked
torso of a woman; the smiling face of Marilyn
Monroe; a cross; a heart and shooting flames.
* A mermaid on a flower bed with a pair of
lips underneath it laying across the
lower back.

A taxi driver says the nicest people he's had in the
back of his cab - Maureen Lipman and Michael Praed.
The nastiest - Jim Davidson, Leslie Joseph and Chico.

>> Star-fucker <<
How music promotion works - part 3

Indie also-rans Boy Kill Boy have enjoyed some
surprisingly good coverage in the Daily Star.
Well, the band's singer and the tabloid's music
correspondent have been getting rather
friendly. That's one way to get (a)head
in the business...

Asbestos Andy on suicide watch by Sunday?
Free £10 bet on the next X Factor elimination:

>> Duran are back <<
They say the neon lights are bright...

Duran Duran are preparing for the release of new
album Red Carpet Massacre this month with 10 live
shows on Broadway. After the disappointment of
their Fan Club show a few months ago it's great
to hear that they are back on form. Fans are
raving about their cover of The Normal's Warm
Leatherette, a remixed clubby version of Skin
Trade and new song Skin Divers, a collaboration
with Timbaland. We're a little nervous about
Zoom In - which is apparently about Second Life
- but the song they did with Justin Timberlake,
Nite Runner, is really rather good.


Popbitch's favourite scouse dentist - Mr Chu,
of Rodney St, Liverpool.

>> Vinyl destination <<
Monster Raving Loony lives on

Wild Willi Beckett was the Monster Raving
Loony party's Mental Health spokesman until he
died earlier this year. Willi was also
lead singer in a strange rock band, The
Psychosurgeons. Last weekend, his bandmates
released a special limited edition green
vinyl 7" single to friends and family
which had Willi's ashes pressed into the
vinyl. Making him probably Britain's most
useful MP this week.


Get down to the Woolpack for Emmerdale Bingo:

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Broccoli, Mcfly's pubes, California buses

Talking cats:

Hamster's first broccoli:

PKR, where online poker meets Grand Theft Auto, by
the bike sheds, after school. Play now, for free.

McFly set fire to their pubes:

Heather, Amy, Harry, Dawkins, Pies and
Arsenal - all at TShirts365:,17571,1,00.html?aff=82

Who needs porn DVDs any more? It's
what the internet was invented for:

Rod Stewart has a dirty little secret:

Swedish star Pelle Carlberg's rather cute
acoustic cover of Grace Kelly:

California has the South County Area
Transit bus service:

Smash up the web with rock! Led Zeppelin return:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 12th Nov

This week's chart has been helpfully organised
according to age, starting with the youngest.
Except Elvis who is, of course, dead. Probably.
And Kylie, but she still looks young.

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
CRAIG DAVID Hot Stuff (Let's Dance)

++ Top Twenty
KYLIE 2 Hearts

++ Top Forty
SPICE GIRLS Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
WET WET WET Too Many People

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, WB, LT, honk,
realsausage, S - whats the point - T,
bobbifleckmann, celtiagirl, kev, SG, grev

And Milk & Honey:


Old Pets Jokes Home:
* I discovered my dog has turned into a bit of
a locksmith. I stuck a poker up his arse and
he made a bolt for the door.

* A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van
full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster.

Still Bored:
Bryan Adams does disco:

Monday, November 05, 2007

IN DEPTH FILM REVIEW - The Empire Strikes Back

Awesome. I think I like the 1997 remix better. I'm not sure.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


Demi Moore's second best film. That's not saying much.


I like it. Could have done with a bit more pace though.


Crazy, crazy John Woo film. Not too bad.

Thursday, November 01, 2007

A Few More Arcade Fire Pics

A great night out. Try and catch them !

Popbitch - "Crouching tiger, leaping lemur"

"There's been nothing shoved down our throats
because friends don't do things like that."
- David Beckham... on Scientology
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 01.11.07 ISSUE 373
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Dangerous animal definitions
* Marilyn Monroe: some like it cold
* Charts: Leona Lewis still number one

>> The sun always shines on PB <<>> Some like it cold <<>> Get lucky << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

We reported a rumour that the print version of
the NME was to close. We have been assured by
NME, and accept that any such rumour is entirely
false and there is no such plan in place or in
contemplation. We apologise to the publishers
of the NME for this inaccuracy.

>> Big Questions <<>> Sound pets << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

Alyson Hannigan, who played Willow Rosenberg on
Buffy the Vampire Slayer, has a species of sea slug
named after her - Alderia Willowi.

>> Gere shift <<>> Stop. Lemur time << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

2. Gentle Lemur - In!
Obviously a good pet because they're very clean.
See him washing:

3. Leaping Lemur - Out!
Why? Because it can leap 30m in one bound.
Like in Crouching Tiger, Leaping Lemur.

FYI: The word lemur is derived from the Latin word
lemures, meaning "spirits of the night".

Not only is there a Dry Cleaners at Staines station
called Stains, there is a Dry Cleaners in Turnham
Green called Turn'em Clean.

>> Good thing << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

Swotty Greg Rusedski has been practicing his ice-
skating on the public rink in Bayswater. (So get
your bets on him ready for Dancing On Ice.)

>> Lady Annabelle plays ball <<>> Titi monkey << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

Jim Bacon was the late Premier of Tasmania. His
wife was called Honey.

>> Posh pop << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

At the Bloc Party/Electric Proms gig on Saturday
Miquita Oliver was refused bar service as she had no
ID and the bartender thought she looked 16.

>> Things that make you go hmmm << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

Probably not safe for work - but the numbers are
in, here are the best selling sex toys in 2007.
Heavily discounted just for Popbitch:

Scariest record of the year?

It's over for another year, so enjoy Halloween
Dogs for the last time:

Fab dresses from Ichi, funky jackets from Lulu
& Red and fun tees from Junk Food. Order
today and save 15% with your "otters" code.
(Lovehearts included in every order.)

Careful - this game is addictive. Just
get to the other side...

Dad's-Dead Nicki v Rhydian: the Drama Druid.
X-factor betting tips:

We're drowning in bad copy. Who Writes this Crap,
anyway? Click here to join the campaign against crap:

>> Chart Predictions <<>> End Bit << href="" target="_blank" onclick="onClickUnsafeLink(event);">

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, WB, LT, plastiktom,
RL, doc ws, PB, JB Pglewis, Robin, NI, TF, LB, DW,
spudbunny, zxarse, JD, SW

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's the difference between a bull and
Simply Red?

A: The bull has the horns at the front and
the arsehole at the back.

Still Bored:
Ever pictured Spinal Tap based around a real air
guitar tournament? Air Guitar Nation in the cinema
next week. Find out more and get yourself
in the global mosh pit:

November 1st - Miggs Day

It's here at last ! The General Miggs video. Enjoy and spread it about yeah ?
And leave comments below !

PS - Click here to download a version to stick on your mobile phone. Miggs on the go !