Saturday, July 05, 2008


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"What's the point of having this money and not
being able to do 'owt with it apart from
spending it on my tax bill?" - Kerry Katona
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|_| |_| 03.07.08 ISSUE 404
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* Amy Winehouse - bad!
* Publicist fantasist is OK!
* Charts: Dizzie Rascal is number one

>> Do blue steel, Ben <<
Hollywood A-lister likes his tea at 6

Ben Stiller is Hollywood A-list. And he likes
to play the part. On a recent movie he
stipulated that he had to be off set, away from
filming and back home in Malibu by 6pm every
night. Which seems reasonable. One night
things went badly wrong and he didn't make it
back until five minutes past six. A heated
phone call to the production unit followed. And
rightly so. Tsk, does nobody respect
celebrities any more?

John Hannah had his photo taken by a tout outside
the Radiohead gig at Victoria Park last week. He told
everyone he was pleased he had a snap of James Nesbitt.

>> Baa! <<
Amy Winehouse: bad

Crowd behaviour is a weird thing. Last year
Amy Winehouse could do no wrong. Turn up
late and completely battered at a gig and
the world thought she was amazing. Mumbling
through the lyrics to Back to Black (is that
because she doesn't like singing it since
she got back with and married Blake?) was
a sign of her edgy, electric stage presence.

Cut to Glastonbury 2008. The world has decided
that Amy's drug schtick is no longer cool. So
her performance was collectively agreed to be
rubbish. Less sheep-like observers who'd
seen her during both phases thought she it
was the same as it ever was.

A gay wine goes on sale this month. Tendre Bulle
Gay Vin (Tender Bubbles Gay Wine) is,
of course, a sparkling rose.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which rock star's mother-in-law said about
him this week? "He looks like a rat but he's
a good father to the kids... But he's a
miserable, rat-faced man."

Which aging Hollywood superstar likes playing
golf because the empty fairways give him
a chance to take cocaine in peace?

The publishing world is buzzing with the story
that Coolio has sold a cookbook to an American
publishing house called Cookin' with Coolio.

>> It's OK! to lie <<
PR pariah lands on feet

In 2006 Rob Shuter used to be publicist to Paris
Hilton. Until he was hauled before a court in
California to explain why a completely made up story
about a former love-rival attacking his boss made
the papers, along with quotes from three people.
Who all turned up to be Shuter. The woman in
question sued Paris for $10m. It was “amicably
resolved” before trial. Shuter went on to rep
Jessica Simpson, and told magazines she was
“head over heels in love” with John Mayer.
Only for Simpson to say on TV “I’m actually
not dating John Mayer”, and fire Shuter.

Talent like that seldom goes unrewarded and last
week it was announced that Mr Shuter has a new
job – Executive Editor of Richard Desmond’s US
edition of OK! Magazine, which “brings you
the truth and the inside scoop about celebrities.”

Faxmen: the most dangerous job in the world:

>> Burrito Madness <<
Eat at the Roach Coach

Staff at Gordon Ramsey's new LA restaurant,
The London, like to get their lunch from the
$2 burrito van that parks nearby. The one that
locals have labelled "The Roach Coach".

City Lit brochure: page 42, course "Professional
Preparation for theatre, film and TV".
Tutor: Beverley Hills.

>> Buns & Guns <<
Get a bombin' good burger in Beirut

There's a new burger joint in Beirut, Buns and
Guns. Its logo is a burger and a gun, and the
sandwiches are named after weapons and
explosives. Owner Ali Hammoud says "It's just
an idea I had, nothing more, nothing less I
could have put toys in place of the sandbags
and teddy bears instead of guns". The chefs
wear fatigues and serve the food in camouflaged
paper. And the background music? The sound
of explosions and gunfire.

Members of Chumbawamba have written in and are
starring in a musical, "Where's Vietnam?" It's
about Leeds hippies in the 1960s.

>> Footballer can read, shock! <<
Notts County star startles the world

It's that time of year when we see British
footballers pictured in the tabloids,
frolicking on a beach with their WAGs.
But that's not true for all of them.
Neil McKenzie of Notts County has instead
been on TV word game Countdown. And he
won after successfully making out the
Countdown Conundrum, "clambered".

Chesney Hawkes seen in Exeter services eating a
M&S chicken and bacon sandwich.

>> Westminster v Camden <<
Council gets a pat on the back

Doghouse Dave writes:
"I read your report on outside drinking in
Westminster. Whilst Westminster have no policy on
outside drinking Camden have envoked the ADZ
(Alcohol Disorder Zone) legislation (designed to
remove drunks and derelicts from the streets) to
clear the streets of normal drinkers. We are in
the strange situation where my bar Bradleys is
on the Westminster side of Hanway Street but
the opposite side of the street (where most of
our customers choose to stand) is Camden. There
you can be fined and have your alcohol
confiscated but in Westminster you are free
to drink on the street. All very confusing.

"In conversations with the very helpful man at
Westminster Licensing it would appear that most
notices that appear on pubs in Soho banning
outside drinking, saying it's Westminster's
fault, are put there by the licensees to prevent
noise complaints from neighbours that could be
even more damaging to their businesses. For once
I feel that Westminster should be given a pat on
the back for their liberal attitude, and a
big boo to Camden."

It's lucky the music industry is in such rude
health: Sony BMG are moving into the swanky
Roof Garden/Barkers building in posh Kensington.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
petition, otter rampage, Dalek porn

Popbitch's favourite Australian reproductive
health reasearcher... Ms Cadence Minge:

Text Nelson Mandela a happy birthday greeting on 84707:

Irish voters have started a petition to get 10 Downing
St to reprimand Iris Robinson MP for her homophobic
comments. Sign here:

Two otters in California hang out at Mario & John’s
Tavern and an auto parts store:

Dalek porn:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 6th July

++ Number One

++ Top Twenty
MGMT Electric Feel

++ Top Forty
Jay-Z 99 Problems

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, LB, LT, dollymixture, doghousedave
AM, J, AH, emma, big, onthehushhush, M, MB, JB,
missus, CS, deep_stoat, NS, tommyS , miss nomer

* And thanks to the hundreds of people who pointed
out that Dr Who has two hearts not three :)

* And that Kiss only played one date in UK
(it was a European tour)

Old Jokes Home:
An amnesiac walked into a bar.
He said, "Do I come here often?"

Still Bored:
Ban this sick stunt! Male journalist caught
holding teenage boy's legs wide apart in
sordid office snap. Someone call paedo crusader
Rebekah Wade!

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