Avoid.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Strong Cheese Game
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Popbitch Christmas Annual is out soon! Answers to 150
blind items inside. Plus games, jokes, smut, animals.
http://tinyurl.com/4p9duk
******************************************************
"I just can't help looking at Sarah Palin,
though, like she's a car wreck on the 405.
It's scary!" - Cybil Shepherd
"I was a compulsive, serial masturbator"
- Robert Downey Jnr
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POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 09.09.08 ISSUE 417
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* Celebrity Stupids: Leon X Factor
* Sadie Frost is being touched
* Charts: Pink is number one
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>> Madonna's milk <<
Sean Penn starts to understand women
Sean Penn has hot Oscar buzz for his portrayal
of gay politician Harvey Milk in Milk. Our
source on the set claims that after a kissing
scene Penn called his ex-wife, Madonna, and
left her a message saying that he now
understood her a little better.
Watch trailer - film looks great:
http://www.apple.com/trailers/focus_features/milk/
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Alex James apparently had a bowl of spinach and pasta
dumped on him by an unhappy contestant at a recent
awards show after referring to them as "ugly bugly".
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>> Sadie's back <<
And she's touched for the very first time?
When Jude Law married Sadie Frost she was the
famous actor. Since then Sadie's done little
except be famous by association. First Jude,
then Kate and the Primrose Hill set. Then
the "clothes designing" but as that went
tits up the less said the better.
But all that's about to change - a giant of
British acting is taking to the stage
again! Sadie's getting ready to star in
Touched For The Very First Time, a one-woman
show at Trafalgar Studios, Whitehall. Well,
at least we hope so, as they are still looking
for investors. In the play, Sadie is Lesley.
"Lesley from Manchester is a ‘modern woman’.
Lesley dreams of being best friends with
Madonna. Lesley is an idiot."
Apparently this is "a new high energy one
woman comedic play about ‘The Myth of Modern
Woman’. It asks the question – are women
made to be careerists or are they actually
happiest in a more traditional role?"
We can't wait...
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Another celebrity offspring hits the fame trail.
Jethro, son of Nick, Cave has starting modelling.
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>> Big Questions <<
What the hotel concierge is asking this week
One Mayfair hotel nicknamed which Hollywood
superstar "Mr Revolving Door", after the
number of girls he was inviting to his
room every night? Maybe he's not gay after all.
Which radio DJ bursts into tears at the
point of orgasm?
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Popbitch's favourite Republican strategist:
Mr Joe Gaylord.
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>> Censorship 08 <<
BBC deaf to Little Britain USA cuts storm
The first Little Britain USA episode contained
two noteable edits on BBC: the pay-off line to
one sketch, "I love you more than blowjobs", was
heard by American cable viewers as "I love you
more than cumshots", while one sketch - about
two pumped-up, sexually boastful bodybuilders,
Tom and Mark, who drop their towels to reveal
pitifully small genitalia - was cut in its
entirety. No-one would have known if they'd
remembered to change the subtitles. Oops. Some
deaf viewers were unimpressed.
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Simon Callow was walking up Camden High St on
Wednesday night "wearing a pin stripe suit and
singing very loudly to himself."
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>> Supporting Razorlight <<
Only one band is big enough for support
Razorlight may finally have let all the
adulation and stardom go to their heads.
For their upcoming tour, they've decided
the right supporting act is... Razorlight!
One idea being explored is something similar
to past stunts pulled by Black Crowes and
Foo Fighters. The band go on, posing as
the support, and do a shambolic set before
several crew guys come on - dressed in
overalls and flat caps etc - and hustle them
off. The band then reappear as "themselves"
and do their regular headlining set. They're
rehearsing at Black Island Studios in Acton
and Fortress near Old Street.
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No longer a gruesome twosome - Greg Barker and Will
Banks-Blaney? MP Greg is being linked with a
Greek polo player.
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>> Poor Patsy <<
Crisis bank has no love for the stars
Even Eastenders stars are affected by the
credit crunch. Patsy Palmer was in the Royal
Bank of Scotland in Brighton this week. She
seemed to be having trouble getting her hard-
earned cash out, Patsy was heard asking the
cashier, "What, nothing's clear at all?
What about my tax account? Shouldn't I be
paid by Bacs by my agent?" She then
spent her time, while it was being sorted,
on the phone, which kept cutting out, as
she tried to instruct someone to "try the
butchers in Hove". A fellow RBS customer
said "It made my day. The cashier was as
unhelpful to her as they usually are to me".
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Wasilla was recently named the meth capital of
Alaska, with 42 meth labs busted in a single year.
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>> How to lose friends... <<
... and alienate Brazilians
Block Party went to Brazil to perform at
their MTV awards. For some reason the band
decided to mime their hits Talon and Banquet,
which lead to much booing in the auditorium.
Everyone else played live, and locals got
angry, and a bit bemused, that the band had
come all this way and couldn't seem to be
bothered to play live.
More:
http://br.youtube.com/watch?v=55deELVe9SQ
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Gruesome ex-twosome: Danny (Mr Kelly Brooke) Cipriani
and Danielle (engaged to party-hands Lineker) Bux?
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>> Celebrity Stupids pt 82 <<
X Factor winner needs to go to school
X Factor troll Leon has been promoting his
album in Australia. This is what he said
to the Sunday Herald:
"I believe in reincarnation, that when you're
dead you'll be able to look down on people -
come back and haunt them. You watch programmes
like Sixth Sense, with Colin Fry, and he can
pick up stuff that dead people are saying.
The people with the dead relatives look
totally shocked."
******************************************************
What happens if you mix dance, rights and magic from
the stars of Gavin & Stacey? Ask the Secret Policeman:
http://tinyurl.com/3uk637
******************************************************
>> Parlez vous pre-credit crunch? <<
Phrases we won't be hearing for a while
On Silicon Valley, employees who have ridden
the company IPO and made a mint overnight often
fail to come to work for weeks on end. In
the company they are listed as "called in rich".
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The word Arctic comes from the ancient Greek
Arktikos, or "country of the great bear".
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>> Marco Pierre Right <<
Celebrity chef not cock shock
too_fat_to_skate writes:
"My mam was at a photoshoot at one of Marco
Pierre White's resturants. Marco turned up at
the end of day looking very hassled after a
five-hour divorce settlement hearing, but was
extremely polite and made sure everyone on the
shoot had had a big lunch free-of-charge. And he
stayed out of people's way unless spoken to.
Everyone was amazed about how down-to-earth he
was - and genuinely passionate about food."
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Russell Brand spent last Friday evening wandering
around the Francis Bacon Exhibiton "with a
delectable blonde lady."
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>> Things that make you go hmm <<
PG porn, tiger cubs, US election betting
Will this safeguard your career from
the recession?
http://www.executiverockstar.info
Rolling Stone's next issue has an
interesting feature on John McCain:
http://tinyurl.com/3toabc
To find out everything you need to know
about the US election and make money with
some clever betting moves:
http://www.popbitch.com/promotion
Honolulu zoo has some very cute new
tiger cubs:
http://www.kitv.com/news/17651569/detail.html
Want some lovely Pai organic skincare
products? Sadly we got the link wrong
last week to get your 25% discount.
Use this code - earlybird7511:
http://www.paiskincare.com
Go see Plastic Little tour which
started last night in London:
http://www.myspace.com/plasticlittlerap
Latest thing in US is PG Porn. Adult movie
scenarios without the sex. Here's Firefly's
Nathan Fillion not-getting-it-on with porn
star Aria Giovanni:
http://www.spike.com/video/pg-porn-pg-porn/3041858
*** Check out Stewie the anteater eating ice-cream
with a spoon and click on our sponsored ad ***
http://www.popbitch.com
Monkey waiter:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/7654267.stm
Geri Halliwell wants to build a huge new house
near Goring on Thames:
http://tinyurl.com/47v726
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 12th October
++ Number One
PINK So What
++ Top Ten
COURTENEERS That Kiss
KAISER CHIEFS Never Miss A Beat
++ Top Twenty
CAGE THE ELEPHANT In One Ear
++ Top Forty
SNOW PATROL Take Back The City
>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch
* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com
* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com
* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.
* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk
* Mail by aysabtu
*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, bee, plastiktom, AM, The Earl
of Essex, MM, marcia blaine, SK, CMH, HL, fatlimey,
CS, CGF,
*****************************************************
Old Jokes Home:
A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk
"I hope the porn channel is my room is disabled?"
She says "No sir, it's just regular porn. You sick bastard."
Still Bored:
The Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart:
http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/10/3/43222/8057/718/618653
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
TransformACar
Citröen deny problem with ‘non-Transforming’ C4 model
French car maker Citröen has rejected complaints from buyers that its best-selling C4 cars don’t turn into giant robots as advertised on TV. The cars sold in their thousands after TV commercials showed the model transforming into an eight metre tall roller-blading android, but now disappointed owners have flooded the car-maker’s offices with angry phone calls after attempts to make their cars ‘Transform’ ended in disaster.
‘I tried to make my C4 stand up and slide along a crash barrier near my house like it showed on the telly and it broke straight away,’ said one Glasgow motorist.
To read the full story, click here.
This once a day email is brought to you by NewsBiscuit.
To unsubscribe, please click here.
Monday, October 06, 2008
Saturday, October 04, 2008
POP
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Amnesty’s famous Secret Policeman’s Ball is back on
4th October! For exclusive podcasts from the likes of
Robin Ince and David Baddiel. See it live at a cinema
near you and go backstage with our live blogger go to:
http://www.protectthehuman.com/ball
******************************************************
"I'm a huge fan of gays. They love me. I love them.
They consider me kind of a gay icon, which they've
labelled me as." - Tori Spelling
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POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 02.09.08 ISSUE 416
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* Gerry Rafferty found in Harrods
* Jordan & Peter v Demi & Ashton
* Charts: Pink is the new number one
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>> Gerry Rafferty found! <<
Surprisingly, he's not on Baker St
Gerry Rafferty is a legend for three things:
Stealers Wheel, Baker St and boozing. After
years of hard drinking Rafferty checked himself
into a London hospital this summer for tests
on his liver. On 1st August he disappeared,
leaving all his belongings behind. The
hospital filed a missing persons report.
Or did he? Our spies in Harrods drinks department
claim that one week ago Rafferty bought some
expensive whisky there...
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Coleen Rooney books cabs under the name Jane Aspinall.
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>> The unreality show <<
Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?
Peter Andre went on TV yesterday morning to
refute all the "Jordan and Peter to split"
stories floating around the media. Poor
Peter, it must be hard to know who your
friends are sometimes. There have been some
internal discussions at OK!, the magazine that
pays Jordan handsomely to wibble on about
anything she wants, about getting the pair to
split, so they can have a "my split hell" series
of covers. Then get them back together. Just
imagine the sales for "our remarriage joy" edition!
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Courtney Love is buying a 2.3 million GBP house in
Marlow. The 5 bed, 4 bathroom riverside home
comes with its own boat house.
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>> Ginger nuts <<
Geri Halliwell likes Mamas and Papas
Emma Bunton, when pregnant, modelled for Mamas
and Papas, the cutesy maternity and baby store.
On finding this out, the ever-competitive
Ginger Spice, Geri Halliwell, thought that maybe,
as a celebrity mum herself, she would also be
the kind of brand ambassador that the store was
looking for. So Geri started to visit the shops
and, coincidentally, always seemed to get snapped
by a photographer when she was there. Eventually,
Mamas and Papas received a call from one of Geri's
people saying that as Geri was bringing them so
much great press from being seen at the stores,
maybe they'd like to formalise their relationship,
like they had with Baby Spice? Mamas and Papas
execs were a little unnerved at the whole
experience and didn't end up taking Geri up
on her kind offer.
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Dirk Kuyt was the air guitar champion of Holland
for four years running.
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>> Is this Love? <<
Probably yes, so it seems
Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have been living
in Chicago. We're told Demi "looks really,
really old. You can see her all frown lines
without her makeup on. And because her skin is
so pale, the wrinkles on her neck are accentuated,
especially when she smiles." And yet, refreshingly,
in an industry filled with fake relationships
and looks-based paranoia this doesn't seem to
trouble Demi or Ashton. The couple, we're told
were very down to earth, popular with people they
came across, and genuinely seemed to be a very
happy and loving couple.
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Keane's singer Tom Chaplin's booze addiction was port.
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>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which European acting beauty is suffering
from huge skin problems? Too many chemical
peels have left her skin scaly and dry like
sandpaper, and magazines are finding the
touching-up of her photos increasingly hard.
Which LA-based Brit celebrity has had so much
botox and restylane filler around the mouth,
she's got dozens of tiny but noticeable
pin-holes above her lips?
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Will Young was a pub in Portobello Rd this week
"getting very cosy with a very pouty guy who had
on a LOT of fake tan".
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>> The world's your oyster <<
Business guru doesn't use tube much, shock
kaulquappe writes:
"Lord Adair Turner was on Newsnight this week
talking about the financial crisis. Cool and
calm, I thought - and well-prepared to help
fight the good fight for us proles. And then
I remembered my mate at the FSA, who'd met him
during a tour of the offices a few weeks ago,
when our good Lord revealed he had no idea
what an Oyster card was. Hey-ho."
------------------------------------------------------
Interesting that the new MTV show where Kerry Katona
gets her nawks out is named after Atomic Kitten's hit,
Whole Again, as the band re-recorded the record before
its release purely to get rid of Katona's vocals.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Apprentice update <<
Winner Lee still a fuckwit
relief_organist writes:
"Mr r_o was on Buckingham Gate last Friday morning.
Across the road from a cafe he noticed one of
two men at a breakfast table doing 'that squawking
act, like that fuckwit from the Apprentice'.
Getting closer he noticed it was, in fact,
Lee McQueen, that fuckwit from The Apprentice."
------------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite defence correspondent:
James Blitz, of the Financial Times.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Word of the day: Outlier <<
Book & talk of the month: Malcolm Gladwell
In statistics, an outlier is an observation that is
numerically distant from the rest of the data which
will affect the results. For example: if you want
to calculate the average temperature of 10 objects
in a room, and all but one are between 20-25 degrees
but an oven is at 350 degrees, then the oven will
distort the mean result. This is an outlier.
Malcolm Gladwell, the genius who brought the concept
of the "Tipping Point" to everyday conversation, has
a new book out called Outliers. But it is about
the special characteristics of people who are
incredibly successful: human outliers, we guess.
He's coming to London on 24th November and has a special
ticket offer to Popbitch readers for his talk.
Join us and find out why people from Texas have
better manners than people from Chicago, how
Korean pilots went from being the worst in the world
to amongst the best in under 10 years, why
most successful ice-hockey players are born
in January and other stuff.
Tickets and info:
http://www.ticketmaster.co.uk/promo/dcxbyf
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The General Manager of Birmingham Sealife Centre
is called Ian Crabbe
------------------------------------------------------
>> Chateau correction <<
Monty Walden still makes wine
Monty Walden writes:
"Following your story last week I'd like to
correct it. My career as a vineyard owner never
even got started - I rented vineyards, as I didn't
have the money to buy one. With the world in
global financial meltdown I think I took the right
decision, and saved enough money to be able to
rent five times as many vineyards in 2008.
Here are the numbers - in 2007 I rented 2.2 hectares
(about 5 acres) of red wine vines (the vineyard
that was filmed for the Chateau Monty TV series),
this year I have rented around five times that
amount to make red, white and pink wine - and
there are no TV cameras to follow me."
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The temperature at which an object stops becoming
magnetic is called the Curie Point.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Swedish chef, Match Cash, dog poo
Here's an early Christmas present for Popbitch
readers: £20 off food and drink at any Match Bar
http://www.matchbar.com/eFlyeruk.html
The business of dog poo
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/09/18/dog_poop_dna_database/
How to talk like Swedish Chef:
http://tinyurl.com/4kbb29
Chemical habit? Your skin won't thank you for it.
Pai organic skincare has lined up a great new
range to help. 20% off with code "popbitch".
http://www.paiskincare.com
Sponsored video - Doritos animal wrestling:
http://popbitch.com
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 5th October
++ Number One
PINK So What
++ Top Ten
OASIS The Shock Of The Lightning
BOYZONE I Love You Anyway
++ Top Twenty
BASSHUNTER Angel In The Night
++ Top Forty
GABRIELLA CILMI Sweet Like Me
>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch
* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com
* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com
* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.
* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk
* Mail by aysabtu
* How to Lose Friends and Alienate People is
in cinemas today. You can do the same
from the comfort of your own desk with this app:
http://apps.facebook.com/antisocialnetworking/index.php
*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, majorbloodnok, onthehushhush,
J_A_I_H, deep_stoat, theabominablehoman, plastiktom,
leo, lm, PM
*****************************************************
Old Jokes Home:
Q: Whats the difference between Gordon Ramsey
and a cross country run?
A: One is a pant in the country, the other is a...
Still Bored:
For anyone who missed today's Joe Kinnear interview.
Genius. Absolutely genius.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2008/oct/03/newcastleunited.premierleague
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