Sunday, November 18, 2007

Late Popbitch

"My daughter had a birthday - I spent weeks
planning it - and they did an article saying I
killed the neighbour's dog" - Heather Mills
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|_| |_| 15.11.07 ISSUE 375
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* Whatever happened to S Club Juniors
* Twizzle that turkey
* Charts: Leona Lewis still number one

>> Lynne Franks: the "inside" story <<
I'm a Celebrity, get it out of here

Lynne Franks is playing the earth mother on
I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here but her
legendary PR company was a terrifying place to
work in the 80s and early 90s. There was
compulsory African dancing and Buddhist chanting.

A favourite story among her staff was when
she phoned her PA in a panic early one morning
asking for an emergency appointment at her local
clinic, "for a retrieval". Her PA was bemused
but the story filtered out. Lynne had been having
sex with Seal the night before and the condom had
got lost "inside" somewhere.

FYI: Why not profit from Rodney Marsh's misogyny?
9/4 Marsh first to go.

Gordon Brown was in Soho bar The Player last Saturday,
sipping Sauvignon Blanc, surrounded by minders.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which Brit DJ/dance producer went on a
prestigious gig to Russia but woke up in his
hotel bed covered in blood? At his club appearance
the local mafia were horrified at his request
for mixers to go with his vodka so he embarked
on a eight-hour drinking binge with them
culminating in the DJ being carried back to his
hotel. His hosts were similarly trashed so
didn't notice they'd bashed his head on the
door to his room and cut his ear open.

Guests arriving at the state banquet for Saudi King
Abdullah were welcomed by a military band playing
tunes from Hello Dolly.

>> Our hero <<
Enrique throws himself into his work

Enrique Iglesias has been over here in UK
doing concerts at Wembley and hitting the
London clubs. Sadly nothing of much note
happened which could beat our favourite ever
story of a Enrique Iglesias gig. Enrique was
doing a concert in Rome and his people arranged
for some models and pretty girls to be stationed
in front of the left-hand side of the stage, so he
could dive in for some great photo and TV shots.
The crew reminded him when he went on, "left side,
Enrique". He thought they meant stage left.
So when Iglesias dived off the stage for his photo
opp, he wasn't where he thought he'd be. Instead,
he landed right in the disabled fans area.

David Beckham made some flight attendants very happy
on a recent BA flight when he stripped down to his
underwear in first class and changed into his pyjamas.

>> Tawdry telly <<
ITV's morning glory

While it is obviously amusing to see Jeremy
Kyle getting it in the neck from the tabloids,
it's good to remember he's not the only person
responsible for his "bear-baiting" TV show.
One TV executive told us how surprised they've
been to see ITV claim to be shocked that violence
should break out on the Kyle show, as at a
commissioning meeting, TV production companies
were told they were looking for new shows
to fill the "Chavs Fighting" morning slot.

Lilly Allen is getting her own BBC Three show. What
she doesn't know, is that for internal political
reasons, she might have to record it in Scotland.

>> Pop mini-me's grow up <<
Whatever happened to S Club Juniors?

S Club 8 burst on to the pop scene in 2001
to a general sense of indifference. They
quickly went away. So where are they now?
Hannah went back to school, Jay wants to go
into business after his A Levels, Rochelle
is "modelling", Stacey is learning to play
the guitar, Calvin is on a US TV show, Frankie
recently received her bronze swimming
certificate and Aaron is a dancer.

And Daisy? She's a Score Angel, one of the
News of The World's barely dressed cheerleaders.
So how does the paper, the scourge of Britain's
paedophiles, introduce this 17 year-old "32C
blonde beauty"? "At 12-years-old she was the
sweetest thing on the pop scene... but now
she's set to be the hottest talent on
England's football pitches."

Countdown to Midnight. This New Year's Eve join Take
That and Sugababes live at The O2. O2 customers have
a chance to get priority tickets here:

>> She's bootiful! <<
The sexual arousal of Turkeys

It's really not a good time of year for Turkeys.
Tens of thousands are being culled in a bird flu
scare. And then there's Christmas. But don't
spare too much sympathy. They're icky little
buggers. Researchers at Penn State University
have been investigating the sexual arousal of
male turkeys. They were impressed to see that
the birds attempted to mate with look-a-like
dummies. Piece by piece they removed parts of
the dummy and found that the males were still
highly aroused when presented with no more than
a head on a stick. However it doesn't work in
reverse. The turkeys failed to get the horn
for a turkey with no head. (We've yet to find
out if this is true of Steve Coogan...)

Rhydian, the one from X Factor who looks like an
android, likes to spend weekday evenings in the
Esporta gym, Swiss Cottage.

>> Plumbing the depths <<
Anthony Costa strikes out alone

Anthony Costa, the one who looked like a plumber
in Blue, has announced his first solo tour
of the UK next year. It starts on February 16,
at The Brindley, in Runcorn and finishes on
March 26, 2008 in Barrow in Furness, England.

From Runcorn to Barrow-in-Furness. One of the
saddest sentences in pop.

Popbitch's favourite London barrister:
Dr Julian Facebook.

>> Charity begins in LA <<
BBC loses out to California sunshine

BBC staff are rather sad this year about
Children In Need, a moment of warmth and
levity in their otherwise besieged world.
Their big celebrity pop guests of the year,
the Spice Girls, have decided to film their
performances in LA. (Even though they
managed to do their supermarket
adverts here). People are grumbling
that "even Madonna managed to drag her arse
down to Television Centre to perform two
years ago".

Bored at work? Bored at home? Shop in 26 different
High St stores, gossip about celebrities and fashion
and meet new friends on a new social network site:

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Potatoes, baby taser, pallas cats

Northern urinal slide:

Send someone a message in which McCain potatoes
sing a song. It's silly and made us laugh
(and our mums loved it)

Baby's First Taser - is it a cute pink seal or
is it a stun-gun?

Royal Males, Golf Sales & Burnside. All
with free UK p&p:

Recently unbanned pet, under the Dangerous
Animals Act. Get a pallas cat:

Madonna and Me: Misadventures of a would-be
pop star: For 20 years singer/songwriter
Nikki Racklin sat breathlessly expecting
stardom to come calling. Instead it happened to
an intriguingly-named Italian-American singer

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 19th Nov

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
ELVIS PRESLEY You Don't Have To Say You Love Me

++ Top Twenty

++ Top Forty
SPICE GIRLS Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)
T2 FT JODIE AYSHA Heartbroken

>> End Bit <<
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Old Jokes Home:
Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head
with a vase and he went T'PAU!

I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?"

"No", said Batman, I've got china in my hand.

Still Bored:
End world hunger, and find a new
game to become addicted to:

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