Dear Bristol. Hang in there!!!!! XXOO‏

******************************************************
In the mating game you can't afford distractions,
like worrying about underarm sweat. Use Sharp Focus,
the latest anti-perspirant in the Lynx Dry range,
and your 'pits will stay desert-dry and smelling
great - which means that, like our man, you get to
keep both eyes on the prize!
http://tinyurl.com/5aqxps
******************************************************

"Treating yourself to something you really like can
make you feel very good" -  Colleen Rooney

"I felt like a sweating sea cow" - Billie Piper
----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH           _     _ _
_ __   ___  _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|  04.09.08 ISSUE 412
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Madge and Guy OK, "As far as I'm aware"
* Jamie Lynn Spears loves Bristol "Bristols" Palin
* Charts: Katy Perry is still number one
------------------------------------------------------

 
       >> Say my name <<
       Album buzz for Borrell

   It's been a good summer for pop music. And
   there are so many big albums coming out before
   Christmas that it should be a good winter.
   Rather surprisingly, the album to watch out for
   is by Razorlight. Word of mouth from industry
   insiders is really good, even though it comes
   reluctantly, and through gritted teeth, as most
   music business staffers seem to hate 
   singer Johnny Borrell.

   We can't work out why he inspires such dislike.
   Surely not because of stories that when he is
   on the point of orgasm he likes to ask his sexual
   partner, "What's my name?" To which the correct
   reply is "Johnny Borrell". A mystified "Er, Johnny?"
   Is not good enough and is followed by him
   shouting "No! my full name!" Or so we are told.


FYI: The Killers third album is due. They've
shaved, so expect first album synths, rather
than second album U2 guitar anthems.


-----------------------------------------------------
This Morning agony aunt, Denise Robertson, likes
two gin & tonics and a glass of white wine on the
train back up north from the studio.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Duchess author throws strop <<
       Says she's an heiress, sits on her terrace etc

   Amanda Foreman writer of The Duchess, which has
   just been turned into a Keira Knightley film,
   was on CNN this morning complaining about the
   unwanted attention that an old picture of her
   naked in Tatler has heaped on her. She was
   quite rightly annoyed that the press had got
   hold of it. But where did they find the picture?
   Perhaps it was from her own website?

Photo:
http://www.amanda-foreman.com/images.shtml
  
-----------------------------------------------------
A BBC Wildlife Magazine poll this week announced that
the otter is Britain's favourite mammal.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Look - conjoined robot! <<
       Guy & Madge display communication skills

   Guy Ritchie's PR assault in the press to help
   his generally well-received new film, RocknRolla,
   has, of course, touched on the state of his
   marriage. "I love my wife... she is brilliant at
   what she does". It must be these romantic
   statements that keep Madonna happy. “Everything
   is going very well as far as I’m aware", he then
   added, a tad forlornly.

   Madonna did turn out to support Guy at the film
   premiere. Our favourite comment by a fellow guest:
   "Her and Guy did a very bizarre and uncomfortable-
   looking locked arms thing for 10 minutes
   (including when walking up stairs) that made them
   look like a conjoined robot".


-----------------------------------------------------
Gloria Estefan played a gig on a tennis court in
Marbella last week. It was at the Puente Romana
hotel - a bargain 3500 euros for a box.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Big Questions <<
     What people are asking this week

   Which actor, and pop star's father, was described
   to us by a comedienne as being “hung like Gollum”?

   Which Big Brother 9 contestant was once seen
   in a pub on all fours crawling under the tables
   to give unsuspecting punters a blowjob?

*** It's the closest BB for years: make some money on
the tedious eviction show. Bet a tenner and get a
free 10 quid matching bet:
http://adfarm.mediaplex.com/ad/ck/54106

FYI: Should the final three be Mikey, Rachel and Sara
as the odds would have it, then history dictates that
a girl should walk away with the crown. Only once
has the majority gender in the final three not won -
when Kate Lawler beat off the challenges of two
boys (Jonny and Alex) in BB3.


-----------------------------------------------------
A gay version of The Wonder Years is in development.
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> 50 quid for 40 licks <<
   You can't always get what you want         
stoneageromeo writes:
   "John Pasche, the creator and seller of the
   Rolling Stones' lips logo, is meant to have
   only received GBP50 for his design. Not so.
   That may have been the cash that exchanged
   at the time but there was more: a promise that
   if they were still going in ten years time and
   using the logo, John could join the band.

   "Ten years passed but instead of letting him
   join (the man is SO quiet) they bought him a
   rather grand house in Oxshott instead
   where he still lives."


-----------------------------------------------------
There was a barbecue in Measbrook last week. Things
went down like a house on fire but they ran out
of Fosters at 4am.
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Jake v Carole  <<
        Let the vendetta begin!

   Artist Jake Chapman didn't like something written
   about him by The Observer's Carole Cadwallader.
   This seems to be his reply (edited highlights):
        
   "Drear Ms Cadwalladr(sic),
   I must admit that I failed to notice, until prompted
   by my distraught mother, that you really got me good
  'n' proper in the Observer, Sunday 17 august - 'look
   up 'dog' and 'turd',' you said, 'and you'll find
   Jake Chapman'.... and now I'm officially a
   'Narcissistic phallus!' Latin is it? I bet it is!
   Clever girl.

   "I'd naturally plummet for vagina dentata as a
   symmetrical riposte, but your wit is so hopelessly
   toothless I'm left feeling lightly gummed...
   oh dear, the associations are beginning to make me
   quite queasy, kippers, your dentured snatch, frumpy
   laura ashley blouses reeking of stale mothballs...

   "Carole, I was really under the impression that
   you'd ejaculated your little public power fit to
   satisfactory conclusion the last time you winged
   about our lamentable interaction, but no, you're
   not yet ready to move on.

   "Oh! I can't quite compete with the Observer's
   big-wig distribution figures but you'll be amazed
   how many people this little chit-chat will find
   its way to.
   love and kisses.
   jakexxx"


*****************************************************
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All those childhood hours playing card games
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*****************************************************


       >> Gymslip mom mania <<
       Jamie Lynn loves "Bristols" Palin

   As if the Republican VP saga wasn't surreal
   enough, we get the news that Jamie Lynn Spears
   has been sending presents to Bristol Palin.

   Britney's little sis has just had a baby aged
   17, hoped to marry her childhood sweetheart but
   is reading magazine covers saying he's cheating
   on her instead. JL sent Bristol a card saying
   "Dear Bristol: Hang in there!!!!! XXOO" and
   "a care package of fancy embroidered burp cloths".

    Packaged in a mini pink suitcase, the $60
    set of five coordinating burp cloths are
    embroidered with Babe, Loved, Yummy, Fresh,
    and a skull & bones. JL asked for them in pink,
    so looks like Bristol is expecting a girl.

FYI: Us weekly magazine puts Grandma Palin on the front
cover with headline "Mom of five: New embarrassing
surprises", next to a picture of her and Down syndrome baby:
http://tinyurl.com/6689o9


-----------------------------------------------------
How New York Daily News introduced the Palin pregnancy,
"He's a superhunky bad-boy ice hockey player from cold
country; she's a chestnut-haired beauty and popular
high school senior." We had to stop reading after
Bristol was described as "doe-eyed".
-----------------------------------------------------
      

        >> How Republicans convene <<
        Now it's time to party, party hard

   What a shame for Republican delegates that Gustav
   put an end to the partying early this week. It
   was announced that only "absolutely necessary"
   components of the Convention in Mineappolis
   would be taking place. Like a boat party -
   paid for by chemical industries, a "pig roast
   and reggae" event paid for by the oil industry,
   and a National Rifle Association party that
   was provided with Hookers and Blow, the
   name of the resident band for the evening.


More:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rni6G7RRFkk
http://tinyurl.com/3wey7va2c42


-----------------------------------------------------
Sarah Palin Joke of the week: Fox News: "She does know
about international relations because she is up there
in Alaska right next door to Russia."
Jon Stewart: "Alaska is also next to the North Pole so,
obviously, she must also be friends with Santa."
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Reach for the toes <<
       Will ducklike Rachel master the Foxtrot?

   Rachel S Club is going to be on Strictly Come
   Dancing. That will be interesting as she has
   webbed feet, like a duck. Rachel has tried
   to deny it, saying "It's just that my toe next
   to my big toe and the toe next to that aren't
   separated all the way down." Like a web, then.


-----------------------------------------------------
Keane's new album is said to be a) really good.
b) A bit Killers. Best comment on internet forums on
Tom Chaplin: "His face is bigger than his head".
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Back of a cab, frog oral, Windy Swetman

   One song, one take, one cab. Very cool:
http://www.blackcabsessions.com
     
   A BA insider tells us our piece on how Olympic
   athletes equipment wasn't welcome on BA flights
   wasn't totally accurate: "Our baggage & cargo
   staff did a sterling job ensuring that team
   GB's equipment, including Super Out Of Gauge
   items like javelins, pole vaults, canoes and
   rowing oars, have been getting out and back
   from Beijing as required - even though T5 was
   designed to be SOOG free. If it's over 2.4m
   long it won't go through the baggage scanners
   and should normally be sent as cargo, but even
   so we successfully dealt with these items being
   checked in as baggage for the games."

   Watch cool video:
http://www.popbitch.com

   New Orleans Hurricane helpline Supervisor -
   Windy Swetman:
http://tinyurl.com/5sxhsg

   Chimp gets blowjob from frog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbeiSgu52no

   This cartoon was banned by Mormons:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo

  Van Halen admonished John McCain for using
  their music. So sit back and enjoy one
  of their finest moments:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxknORO1Vzk

   Only TWO days to go to get your Skin Two
   Rubber Ball tickets:
http://www.skintwo.biz


       >> Chart Predictions <<
       New entries/High climbers Sun 7th September

++ Number One
KATY PERRY I Kissed A Girl

++ Top Ten
PUSSYCAT DOLLS When I Grow Up

++ Top Twenty
MILEY CYRUS See You Again
NE YO Miss Independent
GYM CLASS HEROES Cookie Jar
STEVE MAC Paddy's Revenge

++ Top Forty
DUFFY Stepping Stone
CHICANE V NATASHA BEDINGFIELD Bruised Water
NKOTB Summertime


     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

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*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, LM, CS, CP, Sm, copygirl, MW,
rustyintegrale, mercyme, touchmyspasti, Doghouse Dave,
lennie, NL,
*****************************************************


Old Jokes Home:
A man took his dog to the cinema to see War and
Peace. The dog sat beside him and the audience was
amazed to see the dog and his reactions to the
film. When the heroine was facing dire straits the
dog would howl and when things were going well
he'd bark and wag his tail.

After the film ended a woman came up to the dog's
owner and said: "Wow, your dog's reactions were
amazing!" The man replied: 'I know, I'm really
surprised. He hated the book."


Still Bored:
A map of fresh-air shagging opportunities:
http://www.outdoorlovemap.com/