Saturday, July 26, 2008


In the mating game you can't afford distractions,
like worrying about underarm sweat. Use Sharp Focus,
the latest anti-perspirant in the Lynx Dry range,
and your 'pits will stay desert-dry and smelling
great - which means that, like our man, you get
to keep both eyes on the prize!


"I do like reading the Bible" - Jennifer Lopez

_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 24.07.08 ISSUE 407
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to

* Giles Coren loves Sub-Editors
* Penis Knightley and Lez-Fest
* Charts: McFly are number one

>> Dark humour <<
Joker laughs at bat AIDS

During the filming of The Dark Knight
Heath Ledger kept a notebook to help him get
in character, detailing all the things that
he felt the Joker would find funny.

The first entry: AIDS.

Five missing feet washed up on the shores of British
Columbia - good story. Local coroner dealing with
called Randy Gaylord - better story.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which member of Madness enjoyed making the
most of his tour hotel facilities? On one
trip abroad his tour crew saw him leaving
reception with a bulging suitcase, so asked
him to open up and show them what was in
there. They found piles of hotel towels
hidden inside, but wrapped in the towels
was a marble elephant statue.

Which member of the legal shenanigans
surrounding the Max Mosley spanking case was
known as "Flogger" at his boarding school?

"Paps win prizes! Show your paparazzi skills, party
antics and share mobile pics. Send them directly to
all your mates' mobile phones with NOWTHEN for the
cost of just one MMS. Prizes for pics here:

>> Popebitch <<
Get on a three-year-old in Sydney

Over the last couple of weeks Sydney has been
over-run with Catholic pilgrims and priests
following the Pope on his visit.

The main event was a huge mass at Randwick
racecourse. So why did the Catholic Church
choose a venue linked with vices like
gambling and drinking? Well, they were told
it was the only place in the city where it
was legal to ride a three-year-old.

Stuart Cable (mum's name: Mabel Cable) can change
a motorbike tyre in 56 minutes.

>> Beck v Kennedy <<
Popbitch: down with the kids

Jeff Beck and Nigel Kennedy have been rehearsing
together. Kennedy is in awe of Beck and the
pair are looking at doing possible gigs and
recordings together. Finally, something to
save the music industry.

FYI: Nigel Kennedy now lives in Poland.

Lovebox Festival spot - "Chloe Sevigny jostling
other punters on a promotional bus for free booze
in a surprisingly undignified manner".


>> Har Marvellous wine <<
Little Italy has good sommelier

Har Mar Superstar was eating in Little Italy,
Soho with some music industry types. He drank a
glass of red wine and said it was so nice he
wanted them to write the name of the bottle
down. They did. "House red".

Spotted at a beach cafe in Camp de Mar, Mallorca...
the singer in Scooter. "He was alone, ate a burger
and chips, drank a can of coke and smoked two fags."


>> Vile Pervert Terror threat <<
Jonathan King in trouble again

Jonathan King was spotted in Nice airport
going through security. Alarms were set
off and guards found a big metal bullet-
shaped object in his bag. So was The
Sun's favourite pervert aiding the war
on terror? Well, it turned out that
it was an old coin-keeper that his
recently deceased mother owned that JK
kept as a souvenir. Sadly, security didn't
care for the sentimental story and it went
straight in the bin.

OK! to Peter Andre: "What do you always Sky+?"
Peter Andre: "It sounds cheesy, but Katie
And Peter: The Next Chapter."


>> Penis Knightley and Lez-Fest <<
Balham Station phantom grafitti artist

In Atonement Keira Knightley's character dies
when Balham tube station is bombed during the
Blitz. In reality, a plaque to commemorate the
actual bombing is still visible on the tube
platform. Next to it is a poster for Keira's
latest film, The Edge of Love. Spooky.

Yet one irreverent wag has decided to graffiti
the poster. Keira has a penis on her face
And what is written on castmate Sienna
Miller? Lez-fest.


Forty tranny tourists were arrested in Dubai last
week and are being deported.

>> Where's Natalie? <<
And all the dead people in Belgium

When Brian Jonestown Massacre left London after
their singer put their guitarist in hospital
with minor stab wounds, they rocked up at Dour
Festival in Belgium. While the band's PR machine
was claiming it was just "horseplay" singer Anton
Newcombe arrived on his own. He had to be picked up
and driven to the festival - and from the artists
area to the stage - in a different shuttle bus as the
rest of the band refused to be anywhere near him.
He spent the festival on his own, "lamenting the
amount of dead people in Belgium".

Of more interest to press was the news that
Natalie Portman was on the guest list. They
swarmed around the press entrance for hours,
to the bemusement of ex-Sneaker Pimp Chris
Corner, from IAMX, who had invited a girl
to meet him there called Natalie. He couldn't
remember her surname, so had guessed at Portman
because it sounded familiar.

Dragon's Den's Deborah Meaden (a noted pianist) was on
BBC2's First Night Of The Proms saying that she would
"find it difficult to handle a new organ for every
performance." Fnar. Sorry.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Statler & Waldorf, Hollywood Bowl, Calum Best

In case you haven't yet seen these, another
two reasons to hate Giles Coren, he's
provided two here - letters to the subs desk
on The Times:

Did we wake up in 1992 again? The charts are full
of bland r&b inflected pop, identikit indie and
dated Euro happy hardcore. This is our current
favourite song: Little Boots - Meddle:

Statler and Waldorf have their own
youtube channel:

All the stars hang out in Watford - Holby
City's Louisa Bradshaw-White and family,
plus Paul Gascoigne and Bianca seen hanging
out here on the same day!

Kickstart your career with a homemade sex
tape. Even if the agents don't come knocking
you'll still get paid every time it's watched:

Nice monkey paintings:

Waste some office time - which egg will hatch first?

Ibiza’s a strange one this year but this new
magazine from Mixmag and the people behind Sosho,
and the Match Bar in Ibiza, reminds us it's still
one of the best places for fun on the planet:

Big Chill, 1-3 August - probably the last time
you'll get to see Leonard Cohen sing in a field:

Calum Best has a tedious new TV show. All you need to
see are these bits:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 27th July

++ Number One

++ Top Ten

++ Top Twenty
ADELE Hometown Glory

++ Top Forty
IDA MARIE I Like You So Much Better When You're
USHER Moving Mountains

>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:

* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by:

* Mail by aysabtu

Thanks to: AM, SW, LB, LT, Noam, flobbit, becksbird,
gordonsalive, honk, glimmertwin, rockit99, flobbit,
Poppy, CS, SW, danceswithmustelids, P, kidvampire,

THANKS: to everyone who came or supported our
cricket day in some way. We're still counting but
so far we raised a few thousand pounds:
Brains Brewery - for the lovely 45 continental beer
Barbecue meats provided by Hensons Foodservice, one
of London's top restaurant suppliers
Great sandwiches by:

Thanks for the cookies and smoothies:

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?
A: Dr Dre.

Still Bored:
How Asperger's are you? Popbitch is "an average
computer scientist":

No comments: