Thursday, July 10, 2008

"One rohypnol on the rocks, please!"‏

The Nightlife collection - coming to your
town-centre this weekend...

“I find it quite baffling that I'm famous enough that
the paparazzi want to sit outside my house. They
don't sit outside Mel C's house” - Geri Halliwell.
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|_| |_| 10.07.08 ISSUE 404
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* That's what I go to church for
* Hidden messages for Simon Cowell
* Charts: Dizzee Rascal is number one

>> Rohypnol on the rocks, please! <<
Get Risky Pissed in London tonight

London night-lifers have a new nickname for
Harry and Chelsy's new favourite haunt, Whisky
Mist. Since newspaper reports that an
overlubricated model was allegedly raped in
the basement surfaced, wags have renamed the
bar... Risky Pissed.

In Israel, camels are starting to be fitted with
fluorescent vests, to try to stop accidents.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which pop superstar asked friends to hide them
from Bono at an event as they were terrified of
being roped into his Red scheme?

Recommend people you know for jobs and get paid 3.5%
of their starting salary if they get hired! Sounds
too good to be true? Check out:

>> Mika shocka <<
Confessions of a celebrity

Mika played a great stadium gig in Paris
last Friday to 55,000 over-excited fans,
(including some who almost wet themselves
at a cover of Depeche Mode's Just Can't
Get Enough). Things have changed so quickly for
Mika. He confessed that when he was recording
his debut album in Miami a couple of
years back he was too short of cash to
splash out on many CDs but really wanted to
listen to loads of new music for inspiration.
So he chose a record store in Orange Grove,
and used to walk around picking up discount
stickers from old albums - like $2 and $4 -
and stick them on his arm. Then quietly
put them on the albums he wanted. Bad Mika!

A Royal correspondent told us this week that The
Queen likes Sky News' Sunrise show - particularly at
weekends. But prefers Andrew Marr to Adam Boulton.

>> That's What I Go To Church For <<
Heidi Sugababe and the Busted flush

Matt from Busted got married last weekend
to MTV lovely Emma Griffiths. Matt's
recent jaunt to a "celebrity relaxation centre"
to help cure of him of his pop star proclivities
obviously worked as he barely drank. His bride
however was hard to shift off the dance floor.
David Gest arrived at the wedding hotel shortly
before kick-off and decided room service
might be more important to him than
punctuality. Heidi from Sugababes was also
there and the only thing we can report on
her behaviour was that she was warned not
to use a particular toilet "because it
won't flush".

Remember Matt's best moment:

Britain's Next Top Judge is... Igor Judge. He'll no
longer be Judge Judge, but Lord Judge.

>> Camden crawl <<
Amy takes no chances

CL writes:
"I saw Amy Winehouse doing her tired paparazzi
pied piper act along Inverness St, Camden,
on Tuesday. However, later that night I saw her
again, in a cornershop around the corner and
it looked to me like she was wearing some
kind of nappy/incontinence pants under her shorts."

Chesney Hawkes has a Christmas singalong in a bar on
Ascot High Street every year.

>> Kooky chat-ups <<
Hugh moves in his own way

Rockhack writes:
"Hugh Harris from the Kooks at Isle of Wight
festival met a female school friend backstage
for the first time in years:

"Hugh: 'My dear, you look radiant. Have you been
working out?'
Girl 'No', looks down, then moves over to the
other band members while Hugh awkwardly
talks to strangers.


An AC/DC musical may be in the pipeline. Working title
"It's a Long Way to the Top" The plot is partly the
band's history and part Rock Star, the Mark Wahlberg film.

>> McFadden Watch pt XV <<
"You're just the fat Ronan Keating"

Brian McFadden recently turned out as a guest
sub late in a pre-season match between Dwight
Yorke's former A-League club Sydney FC and
NSW Premier League side Blacktown City Demons.
Obviously this was a publicity stunt to promote
Football Superstar, his new TV show, but
McFatten was greeted with chants of "You're
just a poor Robbie Williams" and "You're just
a fat Ronan Keating". McFadden was unfazed
and met their shouts of "Who are ya?" with
"I'm the wanker playing for your team."

Ringo Starr signs into hotels as Mr Monaco.

>> Office politics <<
Hidden messages for the Dark Lord

builders write:
"Funny how you mentioned the new Sony BMG
Offices on Kensington High Street. They have
been spending millions on the offices, and they
are kitted out to a really high spec. They are
a bit weird though, in that the services
(electricity and the water pipework) have been
left open to view. The trouble is, it looks
ridiculous - seeing lagged pipework is not cool.

"The architects had a nightmare laying out the top
executives' offices. Each bigwig changed the
floor plan so they'd get a bigger office. There was
a big brouhaha when it was discovered that Simon
Cowell's office was bigger than the President of
Sony BMG Europe. Cowell also has a state-of-the
-art air-conditioning system installed in his
khazi. The fact that he has an extractor fan
that could suck a golf ball up a garden hose
is totally unrelated to the fact that he's
partial to a sneaky fag.

"Oh, and a couple of the lads working on the
job have left less than complimentary messages
hidden in Mr Cowell's office, in much the same
way as Alexander McQueen used to leave messages
in the lining of Prince Charles suits, when he
worked on Savile Row."

Zara Phillips is rumoured to be in the next
series of Strictly Come Dancing.

>> Cookie Monster <<
No happy ending for BB story

An ex-colleague of Katreya Big Brother says
tabloid reporters keep going to see them
at work to try and get them to claim
the Thai used to offer massages with a
"Happy finish".

They did, however tell them that the Big
Brother favourite is extremely intelligent,
doesn't like cookies more than the average
person, and can definitely pronounce the
word "hilarious".

FYI: Pamela Anderson has just gone into the
BB house in Australia (though she'll actually
be sleeping in the Versace hotel nearby, the cheat.)

Charity! Cricket! Help Popbitch! Hello nice brand
and PR people: can you help us with water, beer
prizes, food for our cricket event raising money
for cancer hospital? email

For more info, to play in our team, come and
get drunk with us or anything:

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Drunk referees, tits, panda babies

If Popbitch had a referee, it would
be this nice chap from Belarus:

Woman with enormous boobs goes on TV:

Evacuated panda birth:

Former baseball legend Billy Bean has split with
his partner restaurateur Efrain Veiga after 13
years. Veiga slept with a young friend who
failed to wake up after a night on the GHB.

The motto of the Leslie clan is 'grip fast'.

Beyonce's mini-me, Solange, has a rather
tasty single out (although not so sure of
the Che Guevara appropriation for the video):

Conspiracy theory of the week:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 13th July

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
KID ROCK All Summer Long

++ Top Twenty

++ Top Forty
THE WOMBATS Kill The Dictator

>> End Bit <<
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* Festival time! We think the Wickerman is worth
a go. In beautiful Scotland, with a 9 hole pitch
and putt, watch Bez take on Sham 69. Want tickets?
Buy them here or email and
tell us who is Tiger Woods favourite rock band:

Thanks to: AM, SW, LB, Cueball, monstris, Suz, JO,
SD, T, RK, lashdevil, Rockhack, Fishcox, MW, CF
Pauline, deep_stoat, dark_horse

Thanks to : the hundreds of LA readers who pointed
out that they call all mobile burrito vans roach
coaches, not just the one near Ramsey's restaurant.

Old Jokes Home:
A man visits his doctor for a health check.
"I'm afraid that I am going to have to ask
you to stop masturbating', says the doctor.
"Oh no, why is that?' asks the worried patient.
"Well, I am trying to examine you" replies the Dr,
"And it is really putting me off".

Still Bored:
As we're currently scared of gang stabbings,
here's one lot from Chicago you really
shouldn't laugh at:

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