Thursday, June 05, 2008

More pop

Ooh ah Bob Boonah. Paul Kaye's floppy-fringed, foul-
mouthed, football pundit Bob Boonah guested on Nike
Live: The Cesc Fabregas Show, to give his unique
take on the Arsenal midfielder. At

“Barack doesn't have a clue what really is going on
in Iraq. And Obama will eat some humble military
pie if he goes there.” - Chuck Norris.
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|_| |_| 05.06.08 ISSUE 400
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* St Etienne's extreme makeover
* Summer pop loveliness
* Charts: Mint Royale is number one

>> Punk'd <<
Ashton Kutcher gets hit by orange

Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore and Natalie
Imbruglia have been filming in Romania.
They recently filmed a wedding scene at
night outside the capital's Ramada Hotel.
One of the guests, irritated at being
kept awake (and because the bar had been
closed for cast and crew use) decided he'd
had enough and chucked an orange at the
actors... catching Ashton right in the face.

Big Brother: this year we should be treated to
Rex Newmark, chef and son of the man who owns once-
trendy west London bar Beach Blanket Babylon.

>> You're in a bad way? <<
Indie favourites offered Botox

There's a new TV series in production, Bands
Go Pop! It features “Bands who provided the
soundtrack to our youth but who now for
whatever reason no longer look like the poster
picture that once adorned the walls of the
nations teenagers.”

The idea is to give the bands a makeover
using dieticians, fitness trainers,
choreographers - even major cosmetic surgery
if needed - for a special live performance.

The producers say “We want to attempt to turn
back the clock to when our acts were at the
very height of their fame, giving them the
faces, the bodies and the moves that
originally brought them so much fanatical

And which all-singing, all dancing teen faves
was this invitation to take part directed at?

St Etienne.

(Who will be headlining the Royal Festival
Hall later this year without a makeover.)

Katie Melua just did an album launch in a Virgin
Records in Dubai. Attendance was thin so staff from
nearby shops were invited in to queue and meet her.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which odd celebrity is currently embroiled
in a number of legal cases with UK newspapers
over claims that he has herpes? It looks
like he doesn't.

Get the inside track on the Epsom Derby. For the best
tips and advice, make sure you buy Saturday's RACING
POST. And while you're at, Racing and Football Outlook's
Euro 2008 special is available in all good newsagents:

>> Stop! In the name of love <<
Bus routes get the Royal treatment

Several years ago the Sultanate of Oman spent
a great deal of money building hundreds of
bus stops across the country. They are all
beautifully built with crenellations on the
top, To date however, the country has no
public buses.

Graeme Souness has been holidaying in Dubai. He spent
two hours in a coffee shop overlooking the indoor ski
slope and He had just one cup of coffee the whole time.

>> Prats of the Caribbean <<
Footballer reporters get lost

Football reporters from one British TV channel
called up their newsroom colleagues last
Saturday and asked if they had any contacts
in Trinidad. The news desk asked why.

The sports reporter's reply? "The England
team have just landed in Trinidad and we've
been flown to Barbados."

Apprentice reject Lucinda Ledgerwood was known as
Cindy Burger (her real name) before the show.

>> Rock of crack <<
Chris delights shop staff

Chris Rock has been enjoying his time in
London, and popped into Rough Trade records
to do some shopping. Staff were so excited
they asked him to sign the ceiling.

He wrote “I love crack”.

Weeble writes: “Saw Motty at Brighton races I stood
next to him in the stalls for a pee. IDNSHC but he
took an age to pee, and I wouldn't leave until he did.”

>> Nice Novelli <<
Chef looks after his guests

paddy_odoors writes:
“Jean Christophe Novelli has bought a cookery
school and restaurant near Harpenden, Herts.
My 70 year old mum had dinner there recently
and he was such a genial host and she was so
hammered on champagne that he personally
dropped her home to Harpenden in his black
Ferrari, registration JC 50.”

Mint Royale's track which featured on Britain's Got
Talent is number one. It's not on their label Faith
and Hope but Sony BMG which is, of course, the label
where Simon Cowell (Britain's Got Talent) has a deal.

>> Gay Pride Romania <<
“We're here, we're queer... oh shite!”

Mr Doghouse writes:
“Referring to your story on Russian gay bashers,
I have just got back from a stag do in Bucharest,
Romania. Last weekend saw the gay pride march
taking place. Unfortunately being gay is not
advisable in Romania. The event was attended
by around 150 gay and lesbians, 1500 police and
around 2000 Neo-Nazis on an anti-gay march.
Needless to say if the Neo-Nazis didn't get
them the ever helpful police waited in metro
stations to finish the job.”

Mervyn King, Governor of the Bank of England, tried
to jump the queue at the Post Office this morning,
but when rebuffed entered into a long conversation
about commuting to Croydon with his new queue buddies.

>> Summer listening <<
Global pop loveliness

Germany - Whitest Boy Alive
Golden Cage (Fred Falke remix):

Norway - Annie
I Know Your Girlfriend Hates Me:

Finland - The Crash
Big Ass Love

USA - Katy Perry
I Kissed A Girl:

Neil Diamond has three albums in the top 20.
(Although Hot August Night and Love At The Greek are
really the ones to get)

>> Russian rabbits <<
The naughty shoppers of Surgot

It's not just in music and football that Russia
is catching up with the rest. The Russian
sex toy industry is booming. It only really
got going about three years ago but home
grown companies and manufacturers are
starting to make fortunes. Biggest customers
are men guys in the oil rich cities like
Surgot and Yuzhno Sakhalinsk who have nothing
to do and loads of cash, and spend about
500 quid a time on dolls and things.

If only all Grandads had rage issues this
spectacular! Click to watch:

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Traumatised pandas, arms fair, beerbelly

Traumatised pandas getting over the earthquake:

The head of a Klu Klux Klan chapter is called
the Exalted Cyclops. Here's where he gets his
costume made:

Want to drink on the tube? You need a beerbelly:

Clarion Events, hosts of The Baby Show, have
recently bought the rights to DSEi -- Defence
Systems and Equipment International -- the
world's biggest arms fair.

Cherie Blair porn-a-like:

Heading to EXIT Festival? Stay at the best party
place in town - Hotel Milka - warm up and after
parties, roof terrace, bar, DJ's and plunge
pools. Beds from £20:

Barcelona's Placa de George Orwell... has been
fitted with CCTV:

Dave Gorman's BBC2 series Genius wants your
freakish ideas to improve the world. If you've
a notion that rivals fizzy cans of Bovril,
rollercoaster public transport or Tetris:
The Movie, email or visit:

The Brazilian love puppet from MTV ONE's Fur
TV bears all:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 8th June

++ Number One
MINT ROYALE Singin' In The Rain

++ Top Ten
CHRIS Brown Forever

++ Top Twenty
MORRISSEY All You Need Is Me

>> End Bit <<
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* Does anyone know whose llama photo this is?

* Would the reader who sent us Simon Fuller's
school photo email

Thanks to: AM, SW, L, LT, m-xl, Meow, dollymixture,
J, onthehushhush, deep_stoat,


Old Auf Wiedersehen Pet Jokes Home:
An Irishman, fed up with anti-Irish jokes, starts taking
English elocution lessons. After a few successful weeks
he goes to the shops to try it out.
“I'll have an Observer, a Telegraph and a
Times, please Sir, he says to the shop-keeper.

"Are you Irish? asks the shop-keeper

“How did you know? replies the shocked Irishman.

"Well, this is a fish and chip shop, mate.”

Still Bored:
George Lucas' daughter is a boxer:

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