Saturday, June 28, 2008


Copy: Win a VIP Camp Bestival experience with
SingStar. Get 4 free tickets, a limo, stylish double
decker bus to sleep in, and a picnic hamper.
“I'd stand for election to save Ireland from
the Freemasons" - Jim Corr
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| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
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|_| |_| 26.06.08 ISSUE 403
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* A new "star" for OK!
* Say sorry to a Sally
* Charts: Ne-yo v Coldplay for number one spot

>> Jacob the prisonbitch <<
Jeweller to find new client base

Hip-hop's most famous purveyor of bling,
Jacob the Jeweller, is off to prison for his
part in a rather cool sounding "interstate
drug ring". The man responsible for the
heinous crimes against accessories and
politically suspect obsession with wearing
diamonds by the rap and wannabe-black
(Justin Timberlake ect) pop community -
and the man behind Lil Kim's range of watches
is also the subject of rumours that he'd
started selling average pieces at outrageous
mark-ups. One famous rapper discovered his
fiancee's ring was worth less than 10% what
he paid for it and now others are getting their
pieces looked at to see if the sales were above

The Hawaiian creation myth suggests that the octopus
is the only survivor from a former alien universe.

>> BB's best friend <<
Another ludicrous nobody for OK!

Richard Desmond still seems to be Big Brother's
number one fan. He still gives work to ex-
wannabes Chanelle and Nikki, to everyone else's
incomprehension. And this year OK! shelled out 80k
to buy up week one reject Stephanie. Even
though there doesn't seem to have been another bid.

More: BB Dale with his top off:

Britney Spears' sister Jamie Lynn has called her
baby Maddie. Which is just brilliant.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Her reality show should ensure that she
never works again in her day job. So which
US actress's previous career was as a
high-class Hollywood hooker? And one of the
things that made her hate her ex-husband
was that he was happy to tell friends
about it.

Prince Caspian star Ben Barnes used to be in
a Eurovisionp-wannabe boy band called Hi-Rise.

>> Oops! <<
When sorry just isn't enough

JT writes:
"One of my mates was on a corporate golf day,
playing with three people he didn’t know. On the
first tee he hit a long low scuttling shot and cried
“Oops, that’s a Sally then!” One of the other
golfers said, What do you mean, a Sally? My mate
replied, "Well, you know, like that Sally
Gunnell. A good runner, but bloody ugly.

Cue Silence.........

"That’ll be Sally Gunnell, my wife", said
one of the others.

The Discoo sale has 60% off EVERYTHING! It is your
final chance to grab some amazing fashion bargains!

>> Snack attack<<
What the food critics really eat

AA Gill, at Woodall Services on the M1 near
Sheffield bought three packets of crisps
including Walkers Sensations, Thai Sweet Chili
and a grab bag of Ready Salted.

Like Dr Who, the octopus has three hearts.

>> World's best job <<
Wanted: gate for gatekeeper

Decades ago Mutrah, Muscat's main city, was
separated from the port by a huge wall with a
large gate. Every sundown the gate would be closed
and sealed till the next morning. When the authorities
connected the roads and had to drive cars to the
port and back the gate wasn't large enough. So they
knocked two giant gaps either side of the gate and
built the road through.

Of course you don't point out to anyone your job
is useless, so for years the officer whose job
it was to be in charge of the gate still arrived
at sundown, making sure the gate was sealed, before
driving back out through the huge gap.

Gareth Gates was on a Virgin flight from Las Vegas
to Gatwick this week. He sat in Economy (near the
back) and chatted to anyone who approached.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
David Gest, octopus, disco sheds!

Porn in Arab countries:

Disco sheds! Needs sound on, and loud:

Octopus eats shark:

David Gest - pop star:

Rape quiz - how would you score?

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 29th June

++ Number One
NE-YO Closer

++ Top Twenty
GLAS VEGAS Geraldine
COURTEENERS No You Didn't No You Don't

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, LB, JC, systemaddict 1, PS
missbhavin, JT, LW

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's the difference between a rock guitarist
and a jazz guitarist?
A: A rock guitarist gets to play three chords in
front of thousands of people.

Still Bored:
White tiger cubs:

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