Did you hear ?

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Tell ghd everything at darkorpure.com:
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“I was shocked when I read about the man in
Austria who kept his daughter in a dungeon.
It's so sad.“ - Coleen McLouglin
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|   15.04.08 ISSUE 397
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Footballer's lives: hard
* Apprentice impresses ladies with window skills
* Charts: Ting Tings are number one
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Quokka shocka! <<
        Australian Liberal sniffs chair, animal...

   Two years on from Mark Oaten’s scat confessions,
   his fellow Liberal and leader of the opposition
   in Australia Troy Buswell has admitted being
   a chair-sniffer. A former staffer in Buswell's
   office said he once started to grab the office
   chairs going 'aahww, which one did you sit in?
   I’ll be able to tell'. Buswell was “groaning
   and making sexually satisfying noises.. It
   was awful”, continued the staffer, “My
   colleagues were just stunned into silence.”

   Sacked front-bencher Paul Omodei has claimed
   there are “more stories” to come about his
   colleague. And at a press conference on
   Wednesday Buswell was forced to deny publicly
   that “something inappropriate in the past may
   have happened” between himself and a Quokka,
   a small wallaby-like marsupial native to
   Rottnest Island off the West coast of Australia.

Not such an innocent quokka? Photo:
http://tinyurl.com/6jt387


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Burma newspaper, The New Light Of Myanmar, vaguely
mentioned the cyclone this week. But had way more
on Man Utd's league win and a story on “BBC Admits to
holding on to charity money.” Very Daily Mail.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Lee's laws <<
       Footballers like holidays

   With the football season drawing to a close,
   Europe is getting excited about the start
   of the European Championships. England's
   players must be gutted not to be there. Or
   so you'd think. According to ex-England star
   Lee Sharpe some players dreaded the call
   up to the national team. Because, he
   explained, you never got the chance to go
   on proper holidays as you were always
   playing football in the summer.
  
FYI: Alexander Hleb was drinking a beer with
Arsenal fans at his missus's gym this week,
the Esporta in Swiss Cottage, but saying nothing
about his transfer. A gym mole claims Mrs Hleb
is leaving the gym. So that's that.


-----------------------------------------------------
Thought celebrity TV couldn't get any worse? Coming
soon, Celebrity Cash In the Attic. John McCririck
and Brian Conley are among the guests. (Going
rate for appearing? 500 quid.)
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> My name is Caan, James Caan <<
       BBC business gurus (heart) Daniel Craig

   The Dragons found themselves denless ahead
   of the last series of Dragons Den, after
   the warehouse in which their entrepreneur-
   baiting inexplicably takes place was sold
   off for redevelopment as luxury flats.
   Instead, at great expense, the BBC has
   recreated the attic - giant clocks, chains,
   piles of fake money and all - in a studio at
   Pinewood, directly adjacent to where the
   new James Bond is being filmed.

   Filming for the new series is currently taking
   place, and Deborah Meaden, Duncan Bannatyne
   et al are said to be "terribly starstruck"
   and keep hanging around outside hoping to
   catch sight of Daniel Craig.

Build your own Den:
http://tinyurl.com/4l4wzp


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Tina Turner's South of France villas has an
amazing, huge swimming pool. But it's only about
three feet deep, as Tina can't swim.
-----------------------------------------------------


     >> Big Questions <<
     The blind items leading the blind

   Which skinny Hollywood blonde has developed
   a Westbrook-level cocaine habit. She didn't
   even bother to stop hoovering lines when
   going for a hair cut recently.


-----------------------------------------------------
John Prescott was at a Westminster reception this
week. He walked in late, told Andrew Robathan MP to
"fuck off" and then said to The Telegraph's Mandrake
columnist "Aren't you that cock from Sky News?"
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Spectorwatch <<
       The men in white coats never far away

   Phil Spector needs to take a lot of medication.
   He has a talking pillbox. When he needs to
   take another tablet the pillbox says,
   “take a pill, take a pill”.


-----------------------------------------------------
Overheard on the London - Manchester train: Steve
Coogan. He was going to spend an evening with
friends in the lakes, has just sold part of production
company Baby Cow and stands to make a million.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Say sorry to a star <<
       Bill Oddie, put your hands all over my body...

G Writes:
   “In July 1991 I went to a concert by jazz
   pianist Keith Jarrett at the Royal Festival Hall.
   My stoner mate Hippy Nick and I had little
   money, so at the interval we waited around to
   'swipe' any unclaimed pre-ordered interval
   drinks that were left on a table next to the bar.
   One minute before the gig resumed we thought
   everyone had gone back in, so we grabbed the
   pint of lager and a G&T that were left on
   the table.

   “All of a sudden, Bill Oddie and his wife
   came in, looked at the table then complained
   loudly at the bar that their drinks weren't there.”

   “Sorry, Bill, it was me and Hippy Nick. I'll
   buy you a pint next time I see you. The guilt
   has been almost too much to bear.




-----------------------------------------------------
The Press officer for Brita Water Filters:
Ms Lucy Drinkwater.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> “So there was this office...”  <<
       Gervais gets the recycling bug


JF writes:
   “Channel Four On Demand is fantastic - but
   maybe not for Ricky Gervais. His chat show,
   Meet Ricky Gervais (originally aired in 2000)
   is on 4OD and it seems apparent to me that
   many of the jokes from his 2007 Fame tour
   are cribbed from the then-seven year-old show.


-----------------------------------------------------
Mariah Carey gets married just as Madonna's album
is released. Coincidence?
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> The management <<
       Football bigwigs let their hair down

jacques_as_in_hattie writes:
   “My League Manager's Awards gossip:
   * Fabio Capello's head really is several sizes
   too large for his body. He managed three
   sentences of mangled English but was still
   considerably more eloquent than Howard
   Wilkinson, whose "jokes" at the expense of
   the absent Steve McClaren went down like a
   lead er... umbrella.
   *Big Sam Allardyce and his scary entourage
   (Harford, Sanchez, Calderwood) held court
   at the bar and complained loudly and repeatedly
   about the beer being warm - which, it was.
   * My Most Pissed Award of the night goes
   to Dave Bassett.


-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite firm of solicitors  -
Leamington Spa's Wright Hassall.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Car trouble <<
       Westcountry girls - easily fooled

   Kevin from the Apprentice has a Porche.
   Back before this, we hear, he used to
   borrow his mum’s Ford Fiesta.

   To impress the Westcountry girls he used to
   pretend that the car had electric windows.
   Kevin did this by winding down the windows
   with subtle little hand/arm movements and
   by imitating the noise of an electric window.


***************************************************
See who wowed – and who didn't – at this week's
SATC movie premiere. Mentioning no names *cough*
Alex Curran *cough*.
http://tinyurl.com/6raeb4
***************************************************


       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Train tug, cute kitten, eye-bogglers

   A female train driver on a train to
   Amsterdam decided to, ahem, stoke her own
   boiler, but forgot to switch the
   intercom off:
http://tinyurl.com/4abwzt

   Beat the credit crunch with our massive
   t-shirt discounts - get ready for summer:
http://www.teefly.com

   18 - 26 and bored of the pub? Get tickets for
   top London nights out from as little as £5 at
http://go.popbit.ch/53

   10 optical illusions in 2 minutes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuLJzB_pfgE

   Cute kitten:
http://www.aardschok.net/dwergpoesje_nature

   Beth Rowley: the new blonde bombshell
   with real talent
http://zaphod.uk.vvhp.net/v-v/080508143458

   Song for summer:
http://tinyurl.com/4joazt


    >> Chart Predictions <<
    New entries/High climbers Sun 18th May

++ Number One
THE TING TINGS That's Not My Name

++ Top Ten
RIHANNA Take A Bow

++ Top Twenty
PIGEON DETECTIVES This Is An Emergency
NE-Yo Closer

     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, LT, AM, SW, cunteye, deep_stoat
thetuftyclub, GD, HL, D, spudbunny, plastiktom, JP
*****************************************************


Old Jokes Home:
Q) What's the difference between Jesus
Christ and Silvio Berlusconi?

A) Berlusconi has never been found
guilty at a trial.


Still Bored:
Bears on a playground
http://www.tcnj.edu/~hofmann/playground/Playground.htm