Mad

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Divorce cost him an arm and a leg, so how much dough
has Sir Paul McCartney got left? Find out with The
Sunday Times Rich List, the final word on who's richer
than who in Britain today.
http://tinyurl.com/45my3d
********************************************************

"If I take a dog for a walk, apparently I'm
fucking my dog!" -  Gerard Butler
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
_ __   ___  _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|   23.04.08 ISSUE 394
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Tall Tiger tales
* Where's Maddie?
* Charts: Estelle is number one
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> His God materials <<
       Wedding day bliss for Pullman

   Philip Pullman may be one of our foremost
   atheists but his son got married at the weekend
   in a Catholic church with full mass, a choir
   and a soloist who sang Ave Maria. Pullman even
   gave a reading from Corinthians ending "God
   is love", to one or two raised eyebrows. He
   didn't, however, take communion.


-----------------------------------------------------
A writes: “When I worked at HMV in the early 90s Mike
Nolan was browsing through the cassette section. I
walked up to him and asked if he needed any help or
was just making his mind up? He didn’t smile. At all.”
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Where's Maddie <<
        The joys of community journalism

   The current trend in news journalism is to
   let the viewers do the work. But the rise of
   photos and videos from amateur mobile phone
   cameramen is not without peril, thank God.
   One 24 hour news network didn't spot that
   someone was sending them in photos of the
   London Olympic torch procession and photo-
   shopping images of Maddie McCann into the
   crowd. Oops.


***************************************************
For everyone who entered our Playstation Buzz!
league. Winner: SDG (14537). Runners up: Eric
Burdon, Dropoft, Alans Your Man. If you didn't win,
you can buy the Buzz! pop quiz game here:
http://go.popbit.ch/51
****************************************************


     >> Big Questions <<
     The blind items leading the blind

   Which late night TV show presenter pairing
   are all smiles on screen but once the cameras
   stop rolling the mutual hatred is bubbling up.
   The longer-haired presenter is jealous at the
   attention the other is getting. And the other
   can hardly hide his contempt for what he
   (somewhat correctly) considers the other's
   lack of talent.

   Which Pirates of the Caribbean star is still
   talked of in hushed tones by Bahamian locals,
   where II and III were filmed, thanks to his
   super-human habit of drinking three bottles
   of very fine red wine every day?


-----------------------------------------------------
“Gossip keeps people’s behaviour in check because
they want to look good to others and don’t want to
be thought badly of”, according to scientists.”
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> The Ken and Eric show <<
       Finding Cantona in Salford today

   Ken Loach is making a biopic of Eric Cantona's
   time at Man Utd, provisionally titled Finding
   Eric. The director hasn't lost his “man of the
   people” credentials. Rather than staying in
   the posh Lowry Hotel he's in a big standard
   3 star place, refusing the services of a
   chauffeur and spending his 35 quid a day
   per diem in Pret a Manger on food for his
   staff. He and the Cantona family have been
   travelling around by tram or minicab.


-----------------------------------------------------
Sam Neil spotted buying lunch at Villandry's new
sandwich bar. He ordered chicken with garlic mayo.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Happy meal <<
       Madonna and Guy still friendly, shock

   Madonna and Guy dined at Cecconi's last week.
   People on the next table report the famous
   pair spent the evening chatting happily with
   each other.

   Our spy escaped to the restrooms to call a
   friend. She didn't see that Madonna had also
   gone to the bathroom, and as she stood by
   the basins excitedly whispering down the phone
   Mrs Richie came out of the cubicle and
   walked straight past her (without washing
   hands) back to her seat. Cue an uncomfortable
   rest of meal.


-----------------------------------------------------
Meg Ryan has been in London with her adopted daughter
Daisy, who is “cute enough to sell on to Madonna”.
Meg's forehead doesn't move much but she's ditched
the Daffy Duck lip implants.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Klaxon alert <<
        Jools Holland guests beware

   BBC Entertainment has a new joke. Q: What's the
   definition of a bad party? A: Two many Klaxons,
   not enough beer. The band for some reason went
   all to the filming of Jools Holland's show and
   sat in the audience drinking just about all of
   the free booze set aside for the “talent”.
   And Pixie Geldof, taking after her sister,
   started to snog the fat Klaxon whenever the
   camera was on them.


-----------------------------------------------------
Princessnasty writes: “I flew back from Barbados this
week next to L'wren Scott, Mick Jagger's girlfriend.
She's freakishly tall with surgery scars behind her
ears. Mick's gone down a gear from Jerry Hall.”
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Conspiracy theory corner <<
       What to worry about after Diana

   There's a weird new theory that Sonny Bono
   didn't die in an accident, he was assassinated.
   Some FBI agent reckon drug and gun runners
   killed him on the ski slopes, through a staged
   ski accident. One investigator said that he sent
   Bono evidence that top US government officials
   were linked to arms and weapons dealers. Less
   than a month later, Bono was dead.


-----------------------------------------------------
Nigella Lawson shopping in DKNY Selfridges. She had
bird shit on her arse.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Talent vortex <<
       Dirty bomb required

   Where's al-Qaeda when you need it? This press
   notice hit our inbox:

   2008 NBC universal All-American summer press day”
   What: press event
   Where: The Langham, Huntington Hotel & Spa
   (formerly the Ritz Carlton)
   When: Friday, May 2, 2008
   Who: Simon Cowell, David Hasselhoff, Piers
   Morgan, Jerry Springer, Hulk Hogan...


-----------------------------------------------------
Karen from Will & Grace (Megan Mullally) was the
original choice to play Tom Cruise's hooker
friend in Risky Business.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Pigs in space <<
       Moon landings almost go Loony Tunes

celtiagirl writes:
   “A lovely old chap at the BBC who'd been in
   charge of covering the first moon landing once
   told me that if the NASA mission had gone
   wrong, the only tape they had lined up to cut
   to was a Warner Bros Porky Pig cartoon.
   That's all folks.”


-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite licensing co-ordinate: Royal
Borough of Windsor and Maidenhead's David Barwise
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> The prisoners of Abkhazia  <<
       Post-conflict traumatised monkeys

   The world's leading centre in Medical Primatology
   is in the Georgian breakaway republic of
   Abkhazia. Sadly, this post-Soviet, post-
   conflict Research Institute of Experimental
   Pathology is now little more than a run-down
   zoo, housing 286 inbred, traumatised monkeys.
   The institute was started by an eminent Soviet
   biologist, Ilya Ivanov. In its heyday it
   provided the monkeys that went up into space.

   Ivanov pioneered the science of artificial
   insemination to create inter-species hybrids,
   like the Zeedonk (zebra/donkey). He was
   really attempting to create a human-ape hybrid.
   In the 1920s Ivanov inseminated two female
   chimps with human sperm. It didn't work. He
   moved to Guinea to get human females pregnant
   by chimp sperm, but was stopped by the French
   authorities. He started the Institute in Georgia
   to carry on his work but eventually fell out of
   favour, and died in a prison camp.

More on the monkeys:
http://tinyurl.com/4oy2cl


-----------------------------------------------------
Memphis, Tennessee is USA's most obese city.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Tall tiger tales <<
       Siegfried and Roy revealed

   Siegfried and Roy's secrets finally look set
   to be revealed. A new book about the tiger
   loving twosome claims:

   * Siegfried and Roy enjoyed foursomes with
   Liberace and his boy-toy Scott Thorson
   * Siegfried was so scared of the animals
   he'd never even hold their leashes.
   * Their tricks are done with body doubles
   and concealed panels.
   * Roy died for a while during surgery
   after being bitten by Montecore the tiger.
   * Shirley MacLaine is one of many of
   their friends who believes Roy did
   die and that Siegfried parades around a
   hired lookalike.
   * the animals had to be zapped with electric
   prods to perform.

FYI: The Secret Life of Siegfried and Roy: How
the Tiger Kings Tamed Las Vegas:
http://tinyurl.com/4e9htn



-----------------------------------------------------
The only way to throw a huge party via the internet
without the risk of having your house demolished and
your Dad beaten up:
http:www.thinkyourepopular.com
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Cats, dog pedicures, Gordon Brown

   Crude granny abuse, or a practical measure?
   You decide:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=STFmS2fLWRU

   Cat!
http://www.petoffice.co.jp/catprin/english/

   In case anyone missed Gordon Brown's career-
   defining appearance on American Idol:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ld1KHAz41JE

   Think your dog needs a pedicure? Get
   it some nail varnish:
http://www.petshed.com/products/category710.asp

   Otter v swan
http://www.popbitch.com/videos

   Don't forget tomorrow, Friday, is Eurovision
   night! See this year's acts at The Scala,
   London. Get your tickets, quick:
http://www.scala-london.co.uk/scala/event.php?id=867

   Beauty and the Dirt are running special
   competition. Popbitch readers can win a
   BlackBerry Pearl 8110  and DVDS for 30
   Rock, Chromophobia and 10 Items or Less etc:
http://www.beautyandthedirt.co.uk/show.asp?ID=928

   Blimey, how big are turtle schlongs?
http://tinyurl.com/253rof

   Primordial dwarf of the week. Very sweet:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=o-MQH-9NrJ4

   Mixmag is 25 this month! No need to feel old,
   catch the highlights:
http://www.mixmag.net/25years


     >> End Bit <<
     Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:
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*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, LT, AM, mumbles, dollymixture,
J, lang, danceswithmustelids, richjohnston, A, honk
politicschimpette, spank_daley, 7zark7, celtiagirl
*****************************************************


Old Jokes Home:
Kerry Katona walks in to a pet shop and says 'do
you sell large white bears?

Before the shopkeeper can answer a man rushes in
and says “Don't serve her, she's escaped
from the Priory'.

What's wrong? says the pet shop owner.
“She has 'buy polar" disorder”.


Still Bored:
Stars of YouTube bloodbath and (at 19:45 mins) a
brilliant explanation about the internet (It's a
full episode so takes a while to load):
http://tinyurl.com/2k5cow