Thursday, December 20, 2007

It's Eariler Than Usual ...

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"That's the pinnacle for me man. I'd never rehearsed
it with him, I never had a sound check, I just went up
and winged it and it was beautiful" - Leon Jackson
on performing with Michael Buble.
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|_| |_| 20.12.07 ISSUE 380
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* Keep up the netball Alesha
* Omar Sharif - nice
* Charts: X Factor dross is number one

>> Happy 2008! <<
... And may all your otters be white

Merry Xmas and thanks for sticking with us
through 2007. As we look forward to all the
weird and wonderful things which will surely
happen in 2008, we can't help but think the
strangest trend this year was for the womb to
become public property. From supposed text scans of
Britney's non-existent new pregnancy to Kerry
Katona's sordid on again-off again money-spinning
spawn to Charlotte Church being forced to
tell the world she was pregnant before the usual
12 week marker and Lily Allen suddenly morphing
into a "real family person" instead of a real
Groucho Club person nothing seems to be off-limits
any more. Well, as it's become normal to see
celebrities' home sex videos perhaps this was
the inevitable next step.

Thanks for all the stories, emails, inspiration
and all the videos of otters around the world you
sent in. Sorry to anyone we failed to reply to,
or if we didn't use your story - we do love you.

Happy New Year! And we're back on 17th January.

Hitler-lover Unity Mitford was conceived in Swastika,
Ontario, and her middle name is Valkyrie.

>> Good sport <<
Alesha gets sound career advice

This weekend we'll find out if Alesha Dixon
is not too black or too female to win a
BBC public vote, on Strictly Come Dancing.
Back in her schooldays teachers weren't
convinced by her joining Misteeq. Alesha
was brilliant at sport, and her sixth form
teacher in Luton told her she was much better
sticking with netball, and taking a sports
science degree. “Music won't lead anywhere...
there'll always be a need for PE teachers”,
were her somewhat unfortunate words.

OK magazine has Jordan dressed as the Virgin Mary.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

This Brit acting legend failed to impress
travellers to Oman recently with a foul-mouthed
and somewhat racist rant at how long the
passport and customs queue was.

Which warring duo are the subject of lurid
rumours about the true paternity of their
unfortunate child?

Eddie Murphy has set up a record label. His first
signing is Karrine "Superhead" Steffans - so-called
because of her oral technique.

>> Angelic upstart <<
The origin of tree-topping tinsel tits

One Christmas a long time ago Santa Claus had
problems. Four of his elves were sick so
Santa got behind schedule. Then Mrs Claus
told Santa that her Mum was coming to visit;
this stressed Santa even more. He went to see
his reindeer and found that three of them
were about to give birth. More stress. Then
when he began to load the sleigh he dropped
the toy bag and scattered the toys.

Santa went into the house for a shot of whisky
but the elves had drunk him dry.

Just then the doorbell rang and Santa cussed
on his way to the door. There was a little
angel with a big Christmas tree. "Merry Christmas
Santa”, said the angel, “Isn't it a lovely
day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where
would you like me to stick it?”

Thus began the tradition of the angel on
top of the Christmas tree.

German technician Karlheinz Brandenberg used an
acapella of Suzanne Vega's Toms Diner to perfect
the technology behind the mp3 format in the 90s.

>> LA Confidential <<
Live like the super agents

So last year: getting your PA to call you as
you enter a meeting to keep the other person
waiting, to make you look important.

Now: talk and text: with the aid of a blackberry
you never have to look up or stop texting during
your meetings with prospective clients.
How Nathan Barley.

Popbitch's favourite Middle Eastern politician:
Ahmed Fatfat, Lebanese Minister for Youth and Sports.

>> Sharifer madness <<
The old ones are the best

Omar Sharif starred in a West End production
of The Sleeping Prince in the 80s where he
earned about 10 grand a week. One night he
saw that everyone getting ready to go for a
drink and asked what the occasion was. He
was told it was his dresser’s birthday.
Embarrassed that he had forgotten, he quickly
got her a card, and placed that week's paycheck
in it. She was able to put the money down as
a deposit for a house.

"I want permanent erections".
Jonathan Pope, producer of new soap Echo Beach is
looking for talent. Go for it here.

>> Old spice <<
VIP fans go to Heathrow

Last week we told you that excited Spice Girls
fans were told to meet at the Chablis Suite,
Novotel Hammersmith for a VIP event at a
secret location. Well, it turns out the secret
location was Heathrow and the event was to
welcome the girls back to the UK. The fans
were bussed to the airport, stood around
while the girls thanked Virgin Atlantic
etc, and then got taken back to London.
One family had cut shut a holiday in Spain so
their daughter could meet her idols. Bet they
were pleased they'd done that.

After seeing the Spice Girls comeback concert,
Popbitch would like to apologise to Mel C for
all the mean things we wrote about her back
in the day. Until we experienced this beyond-
hopeless live event, we had no idea how much Sporty,
the only one with a voice, dance moves, energy
or stage presence, carried the rest of the band.

Philippines Celebrity Big Brother even has problems.
Five CBB stars danced with the famous Cebu provincial
jail inmates, but TV bosses have so far withheld
the promised payments to the orange suited prisoners.

>> Ding Dong <<
The Lambrini surprise

Alan Carr is filming a celebrity quiz show
for Channel 4 called Ding Dong. The show,
particularly Carr himself, is said to be funny.
But at a recent filming some of the audience were
bemused by the final question. Carr asked "What
do party girls drink?" To which the contestants
chorused "Lambrini". Surely advertisers aren't
so clever as to sponsor quiz show questions
these days, are they?

FYI: Peter Andre was a guest on the show. An observer
said he has his shirts tailored "like a woman".

ITV sent Parky a bottle of 1982 Chateau Lafite-
Rothschild for Christmas.

>> Treason! <<
Royal butler lost for words

With poor dead Diana still splashed across the
front page, it seems appropriate to recount
an amusing tale about her creepy butler Paul
Burrell. He appeared as a guest on Countdown
in March 2006. On his very first show things
got uncomfortable very quickly during the
second letters round when one of the
contestants chose "TREASON" as his answer
An awkward silence ensued before Des Lynam
recovered enough composure to ask Paul if
he could do any better.
Paul's reply? "No".

And remember, recycling is for life, not
just for Christmas. Ed Byrne explains why:

>> Eight things for Xmas <<
How to get through the holiday season

1. Juno is released in UK end January. It's
the best film for ages. Trailer:

2. Excellent Xmas shoot-em-up:

3. The muppets rule:

4. Danish popsters Alphabeat's next single Fascination
has the cutest girl-boy harmonies - check out the video:

5. Download Yoav's very pretty Beautiful Lie from itunes:

6. Moldova's Gary Glitter sadly didn't get the
Eurovision nomination but see him in the flesh:

7. Pets With Tourettes – book of the year!

8. Meet crotchy:

Jane from Rainbow's Rod, Jane and Freddy is in
panto in Newport.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Asylum seeker, Marilyn, science tattoos

Cat nurses mouse. Aw:

Marilyn wants you to buy him a computer, in return
for goodies or lunch:

People who really like science and tattoos:

We're getting through December hangovers with:

Celebs have sex too (and sometimes they're
daft enough to video it)

Running out of Xmas dosh? Get the hottest festive fashion
at sale prices now at new social network site:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 16th Dec

++ Number One
LEON JACKSON Yawn, yawn, yawn

++ Top Ten
EVA CASSIDY & KATIE MELUA What A Wonderful World
THE POGUES Fairytale Of New York
MARIAH CAREY All I Want For Christmas Is You

++ Top Twenty

++ Top Forty
KATE NASH Pumpkin Soup
THE KILLERS Don't Shoot Me Santa

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, CP, EW, jacques_as-in-hattie,
LB, deep_stoat, pc, CS, J, honk

And thanks:
Dermyn Super Serum
Coopers vintage ale
Snow Leopard Vodka for all the crapp!
Jacquin's Rock and Rye
4711 Fragrances
English Classics Sheer Luxury
And everyone else we've forgotten.

Old Jokes Home:
Q: Where do Russian parents send their kids
when they misbehave?

A: To the Naughty Steppe.

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