Funbags

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get free next day delivery when you buy online from O2:
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"I have been diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This
should be interpreted as 'I am not dead'. I will,
of course be dead at some future point, as will
everybody else" - Terry Pratchett
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|   13.12.07 ISSUE 379
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Spice Girls special
* Tony Blair likes shopping
* Charts: Katie Melua is still number one
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Back home <<
       The Spice Girls party at the Novotel

   This afternoon the Spice Girls host a special
   welcome home party for their fans. It will
   at a secret location but fans have been told
   to meet at 14.30 at the Chablis suite of the
   Novotel in Hammersmith. How glamorous.

   Well, if The Spice Girls can milk their
   reputation from a decade ago, so can we. There's
   a mini Spice special below.


-----------------------------------------------------
Yoko Ono's Christmas card has a picture of herself
as a child on the front with the words "I'm a witch,
I'm a bitch, I don't care what you say".
-----------------------------------------------------


         >> Tony shops til he drops <<
         Middle East peace is in the bag

   As seen in Tony Blair's luggage at the Jacir
   Palace InterContinental, Bethlehem, this week:

   - Large shopping bag with gold tissue paper
   - Kurt Geiger shopping bag
   - Card with "To Cherie" written in black letters.
   - Half a dozen hard suitcases (non matching)
   - Lots of blue shirts fresh from the dry cleaners.

   One of the benefits of being the special envoy
   to the Middle East is the tax-free shopping...


-----------------------------------------------------
JMascis from Dinosaur Jnr always orders pudding
first as he loves his desserts and wants to make
sure he's not too full to have one.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Sweeney prod <<
       Clinton admires Claire's accessories

   Bill Clinton travels the world helping good
   causes. On his tours he was a guest at
   philanthropist Richard Caring's St Petersburg
   charity ball. As was Claire Sweeney, formerly
   of Brookside and Celebrity Big Brother. Another
   rather bemused guest tells us that the former
   leader of the free world was completely taken
   by Ms Sweeney's charms.

   Did lucky Clare get the presidential kneepads,
   we wonder...


*****************************************************
Married? Bored?  Want more?
Come and meet 140,000 others in the UK like you:
http://www.illicitencounters.com
*****************************************************


      >> Big Questions <<
      What people are asking this week

   The arty ex of which pop star has a collection
   of photos from their time together which show
   the star tied up naked in a doorway being
   pleasured with a range of fruit and vegetables?

   Which music legend was overheard reminiscing
   about a chatshow host who was famous for
   having the "best cocaine in London"?


-----------------------------------------------------
During his time in Arab Strap, Malcolm Middleton
also made a nice living as a driving instructor.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Paedo pop <<
       Moldova's Gary Glitter

   A late contender for song of the year.
   Alexandru Bobnibov is trying to be
   Moldova's Eurovision entry. He has a
   song called "I Love The Girls". The chorus is:

   "I love the girls of 13 years old
   13 years old... And nothing else"

   And once in your brain, you can't stop
   singing along.

Listen (track 2):
http://trm.md/eurovision/


-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite Associated Press writer -
Mr Dikky Sinn.
-----------------------------------------------------


 ********* Start of Spice Girls Special *********


      >> 1. The early days <<

   The advert they responded to in The Stage said
   "R U 18-23 with the ability to sing/dance? R U
   streetwise, ambitious, outgoing and determined?"

   Emma claimed her karate teacher mother predicted
   her fame. "My mother saw my aura. I was about 17.
   She told me it was gold, and that meant money."

   The Spice Girls route to fame was Wannabe, a
   tune written during their first ever session
   with songwriter Matt Rowe. He was playing
   around on a grand piano and got inspired by
   them singing songs from Grease. Listen to the
   bass line and hear the Summer Nights inspiration.


-----------------------------------------------------
Spike Stent, the mix master behind the Spice
Girls records, went on to mix Radiohead's album.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> 2. The heydey <<

   The Appletons of All Saints used to bitch
   about The Spice Girls. Word got back to Mel
   B and at the Brits one year she confronted
   the sisters in the ladies toilets, grabbing
   Nicole by the throat and holding her up against
   the wall. Later that evening, Shaznay came over
   to Mel B's table, took her hand, kissed it
   and told Mel that she'd made her night.

   Victoria was always laughed at for only
   drinking Lambrusco. A couple of years ago
   in Sketch Mrs Beckham was seen drinking
   Bucks Fizz, made with 1975 Krug.


-----------------------------------------------------
Geri once visited the dentist. When it came to
settling the bill, she wrote a cheque out to
"the dentist". Bless.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> 3. Things go wrong <<

   There was a dog in an Irish dog home called
   Geri Halliwell. The dog home called her that
   because when they rescued her, she was very
   badly injured having been attacked by four
   bitches. (Does anyone know what happened
   to Geri the Dog? email hello@popbitch.com

   The boardroom at the Spice Girls' offices
   contained framed portraits of all five members.
   When Geri quit, they kept her photo up, but
   turned it upside down.


*****************************************************
Win an iPod touch with Discovery Channel. Watch a clip
and answer a simple question for your chance to win.
http://www.discoverychannel.co.uk/christmas/pb.shtml
*****************************************************


       >> 4. It could have been worse <<

   Geri Halliwell's niece, Mandy, tried to start
   a pop career. She sent round a demo, with no
   biography or cover letter, just some press
   reports that she'd had Gareth Gates a
   couple of times.

   Mel C's mum, aka Joan O'Neill who fronted
   River Deep, a Liverpool-based Tina Turner
   tribute band, wanted to duet with her daughter,

   Geri moved to LA to launch a Hollywood career,
   as a Bond-style secret agent in a spy film called
   Semper Occultus.


********* End of Spice Girls special ************

-----------------------------------------------------
Lily Allen was in the Notting Hill American Apparel
this week. The shop assistants gossiped loudly that
she was not as thin as the media was pretending. Nice
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Banking on Banksy <<
      Nice work of you can get it

   A retired Squaddie has made a career out of
   following Banksy around and buying the doors
   and walls that he paints. The Squaddie recently
   sold three pieces and used the proceeds to
   buy a house in Australia. He has loads more
   works and will now never have to work again.


-----------------------------------------------------
Stuart Pearce spotted on the Central Line. Apparently
"his brother lives in Hangar Lane and it's quicker
than taking the car".
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Everybody's stalking <<
       Mad fan on myspace shocker

   Everyone who's anyone has a stalker. But
   Colin Farrell may currently have the world's
   maddest. Desserae Bradford has just been
   arrested for prostitution, rants about it
   on myspace and has a new song, Colin
   Farrell is my bitch:
http://www.myspace.com/46210107

   More good stalkers from the past:

   * Nick Rhodes' female stalker was jailed after
   making a replica Nick out of pizza.

   * After being dumped by her heart surgeon lover,
   Princess Di left him stalker messages in a fake
   American accent, claiming to be "Mrs Armani".

   * Kevin Spacey's was obsessed with his hands.
   She always carried paper and marker pens
   so she could trace them.

   * Britney's stalker Masahiko Shizawa used
   to claim she signalled her feelings to him
   through her changing hairstyles. (Wonder what
   the bald look meant?)

   * Juliette Peters, Billie Piper's stalker said
   "She needs cutting up into little pieces with
   her head in the north of England and her body in
   the south of England in a forest somewhere"

   * Hannah S Club's was short, Danish and ex-
   military. Tina's stalker Steven Hindley was
   convicted of possessing indecent photographs
   of children age 11-14.


-----------------------------------------------------
Duelling is legal in Paraguay as long as both
parties are registered blood donors.
-----------------------------------------------------


      >> "May I check your funbags?" <<
     Security keeps abreast of new rules

   BBC bosses (well, employee relations and
   occupational risk management departments to be
   exact) have gone nuts about staff not wearing
   identification around their necks at all times,
   to the extent that failure to comply will now
   become a disciplinary issue. This has not been
   well received at Women's Hour. They say that
   security staff are now spending much longer
   looking at their breasts, where the cards are
   located, and so will refuse.


-----------------------------------------------------
More people use blue toothbrushes than red ones.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
       Xmas Goodies, cats, Little Legends

   That new Hot Chip track we recommended has
   a great video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW94AEmzFhQ

    This should have been Xmas number one:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V7aX2D4wZ8A&feature=related

   These chaps are rather nice. And the singer's
   brother is Jerome from Robson and Jerome.
http://www.myspace.com/johnnyflynn

   The Police have been playing in Rio. Each band
   member has a specially designed dressing room.
   The designer said Andy Summer's room reflected
   opulence, Stewart Copeland had a fun room,
   all in dark red. Sting's was 'spiritual', with
   a large buddha figure.
http://tinyurl.com/2amnj9

   Have a Big Welsh Bet: Get on a Rhydian and
   Gethin double while there's still time:
http://www.popbet.com


       ** Xmas goodies special **

   Stuck for that all important Christmas gift? 
   Keep Calm and Carry On and get a 10% discount
   with the code 'popbitch'
http://www.keepcalmandcarryon.com/

   Office Sex Blogger, Darwin's Canoe School and
   *loads* more. Free P&P. Shipped for Xmas:
http://www.teefly.com

   What to get your cat for Xmas:
http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html

   The perfect Xmas trip - Las Vegas for a
   dwarf pop revue. Midget Milli Vanilli anyone?
http://www.littlelegends.com/

   There's no place like Discoo... From Wizard of
   Oz to Little Miss Tees, we've got something a
   bit different...just for you.
http://www.discoo.co.uk/t-shirts-and-vests-women-c-23.html


     >> Chart Predictions <<
     New entries/High climbers Sun 16th Dec

++ Number One
EVA CASSIDY & KATIE MELUA What A Wonderful World

++ Top Ten
SOULJA BOY Crank That (Soulja Boy)
MARIAH CAREY All I Want For Christmas Is You

++ Top Twenty
CROWDED HOUSE Pour La Monde
WHAM! Last Christmas
MICHAEL BUBLE Lost

++ Top Forty
STEREOPHONICS My Friends
SLADE Merry Christmas Everybody
WIZZARD I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday
FOALS Balloons
SHAUN THE SHEEP Life's A Treat
SCOUTING FOR GIRLS Elvis Ain't Dead


      >> End Bit <<
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*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, party_b, JM, JK, CF, wulf, MW,
danceswithmustelids, theabominablehoman, K, deepstoat,
ulysses,

And thanks:
Green & Black chocolate,
Woodford Reserve Bourbon
Snow Leopard Vodka
Brown Bros Tarrango
Tio Pepe
4711 Perfumes
Sure for Men
English classics gift set
Pink wine
Jacquin's Rock & Rye
Radox
Sunsilk Shampoos
Blistex
*****************************************************

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What’s orange and fizzy and comes down
the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Fanta Claus.

Still Bored:
Is it Friday?
http://www.isitfriday.biz/