POP ... BITCH

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From the makers of the award-winning Peep Show’ comes
British Comedy Award winner Star Stories series 1 on
DVD, a hilarious comedy that presses its nose against
the steamy window of fame.
http://snipurl.com/channel4_shop
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"You don’t go grabbin’ somebody’s husband’s balls,
you understand me? That’s very disrespectful."
- Faith Hill, to a fan of her husband, Tim McGraw
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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|_|         |_|   02.08.07 ISSUE 360
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Bet on a baldy at the Beeb
* Bye Bye Goatboy
* Charts: Kate Nash is number one
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        >> RIP: Reverend Goatboy <<
        Popbitcher develops permanent fatal error

    "Everyone fancies Goatboy. He's lovely, but he's
    probably a horrible 16-year-old student from
    Wolverhampton." In April 2001 the Guardian
    wrote a feature on the Popbitch messageboard.
    An immediate hit, the board had provided a way
    for a group of like-minded people with a love of
    music and gossip to come together. Not
    surprisingly, the article focused on its
    obvious star, the Reverend_Goatboy.

    Six years on, Goatboy, aka Rev_Rickenbacker,
    aka Horace, remains the heart and soul of this
    community. Until this week, when we got the sad
    news of our friend's sudden death from
    pneumonia. We came to love this mischievous,
    shady, wickedly funny, warm-hearted internet
    legend. From extraordinary tales from his own
    life, to his strong political beliefs - anti-
    authority, anti-Thatcher, don't let the
    bastards get you down - to the most jaw-dropping
    pieces of gossip (including two scandalous
    stories about an 80s Conservative Cabinet
    Minister), tens of thousands of us got to
    know Goatboy. We're really going to miss him.
    Not least because he always said he was going
    to steal Lemmy's corpse when he died and
    have him stuffed.

    And no, he wasn't a horrible 16 year-old from
    Wolverhampton.

More:
http://www.popbitch.com/revgb


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There's a very strong rumour that the Tour de France
winner hasn't yet escaped the doping scandal. There's
a bag of blood in a lab in Spain to be tested soon...
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        >> Red threat, white city <<
        Bet on a baldy at the Beeb

    All is not well within the BBC. The place is
    more than ever starting to resemble the last days
    of the Soviet Union. Everyone is attacking
    everyone else - the News department feel let down
    after Hutton by their colleagues. Now they're
    getting their own back by giving Entertainment
    a good kicking over the "fakery" scandals.
    Journalists are being sent away to "re-education
    camps" and there's the constant threat of exile
    in Siberia, sorry Manchester, while in-house
    magazine Ariel, aka Pravda, just pumps out
    good-news stories.

    BBC insiders have pointed out that Director-
    General succession tends to follow the Soviet
    hairy-bald rule  - a slaphead is always
    followed by a hairy man. (e.g Lenin - Stalin,
    Krushchev - Brezhnev, Andropov - Chernyenko,
    Gorbachev-Yeltsin). We've had Checkland
    (balding), Birt (hairy), Dyke (slap), Thompson
    (upside down hair)... So while Mark Byford
    might be hoping to destabilise Mark Thompson's
    position as much as possible, he's just not
    got that requisite look.

Which baldies are in the running?
http://tinyurl.com/25wzlo


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A Chinese wildlife research centre in Chengdu is
making Olympic souvenirs out of panda poo.
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        >> Big Questions <<
        What people want to know this week

    This fashion designer has been thinking of
    having a baby with a lesbian friend so went
    to the doctor to find out what to do. Sadly,
    a shock was in order when the doctor told
    him he's got AIDS.

    This beautiful American movie star was tipped
    for a glittering career not so long ago but
    he quickly got more interested in drugs than
    acting. New York party-goers tell of an
    extraordinary night when he over-dosed in the
    middle of the room, while a Saturday Night
    Live funnyman vomited all around him. The
    actor was removed by paramedics and the party
    just carried on.


*****************************************************
CHARITY AUCTION ENDS TODAY 5PM - including full set
Fabric DJ CDS, signed collection of John O'Farrell's
books, bar tabs, free dinners, massage/tango lessons,
cheese AND tickets to Deal or No Deal to open the box!
http://www.charitybitch.com
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        >> Goatboy Gold - no 1 <<
        The Reverend in happier days

    "Many years ago, I pulled up at the side of
    the road to ask directions from a little old
    lady. She turned out to be pissed out of her
    fucking head and she screamed at me "Donchoo
    know whoo Ai aihm? Aim Beryl Reid, OBE!"

    And, indeed, it was. I chose to ask someone
    else for directions...."


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Timbaland, Ne Yo and R Kelly are writing and
producing a new album for Celine Dion.
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        >> What would Vicky do <<
        Chanelle gets soothed by Beckham

    Posh-Spice worshipper Chanelle has quit the
    Big Brother house, no doubt to queue up for
    Spice Girls reunion tickets. She'd become
    increasingly hysterically, with visits
    to the diary room all day long. Big Brother
    had resorted to telling her to take some deep
    breaths and then saying,

    "Chanelle. What would Victoria do?"


*FYI: Big Brother addict? Play Subtitle Superstar
and your ad could be featured on TV during the Big
Brother final. Samsung U600s to be won too:
http://tinyurl.com/2tyvof


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Charley Big Brother turned down tabloid offers of
100k, as she thought she was worth more. Offers were
withdrawn and she finally settled for 25k.
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        >> Reefer Bradness <<
        Embarrassing weed confessions

JB writes:
    "I was a runner for a film that Brad Pitt was
    starring in. I was told to collect him and co-star
    Harrison Ford and take them on set. I open the
    door to Pitt's trailer and stick my head in,
    calling out 'Mr. Pitt?'. I get about two steps
    in and I see Brad Pitt smoking a HUGE joint.

    "He asks me if I want to finish the joint with
    him and passes it to me, warning me to go
    easy as it's strong. 21 year-old me tries to be
    cool so sucks down some giant lungfuls.
    Four minutes later I can't even move. Brad
    eventually asks if I'm OK. I have to say I'm
    not. Brad tells me not to worry, to chill
    out in the trailer for a while, and that he'll
    take my little buggy and collect Harrison Ford.
    He'll just say on set that he sent me off to
    do an errand for him. It took me about half an
    hour before I could even pretend to be normal.
    I stagger back to the set. Nobody bats an eyelid."


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Westminster Council - slogan "Working to create a
more environmentally friendly city" - offers
businesses absolutely no recycling facilities.
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        >> Goatboy Gold - no 2 <<
        The Reverend in Happier Times

    "When Lemmy soundchecks, the sound engineers
    always ask whether the DFA levels on the bass
    are OK. You may not recognise this technical
    term immediately, as it in fact stands for
    "does fuck all", and has been a source of
    amusement to Motorhead's crew and band for years."


-----------------------------------------------------
Parlez-vous Popbitch: "Where is the gay club?" in
Japanese. "Doko ni ikeba, gei no bash-o."
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> Hold my sphincter tight <<
        Boy-bands don't always age well

    East 17 have been playing University Summer
    balls. At a recent concert Brian Harvey was
    a complete mess all night and, when being ferried
    away from the stage, farted all the way down
    in the lift and apologised after every one.


-----------------------------------------------------
Courtney Love checked into a hotel under the alias
Mary Magdalin. Spelled wrongly. Kylie's check in
name is Sue Denim.
-----------------------------------------------------


        >> The drifters <<
        Otters - all at sea

Ol' Sparky writes:
    "I'm in California on vacation. Last week we
    went on a whale watching cruise outside
    Monterey, CA, when - all of a sudden - we
    stumbled upon a group of sea otters, floating
    around on their backs in the middle of the
    ocean, doing absolutely nothing. All of a
    sudden, the deckhand on the boat leans
    over to me, and whispers in my ear:

    "Sometimes these fuckers fall asleep, and wake
    up ten miles off shore. People don't like
    to hear that."

FYI: Remember the Vancouver otters who held hands.
They're back and they're getting frisky!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7htv5xRRYnU


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On the day that MySpace is criticised in the media
for harbouring 30,000 paedos, what does it choose
to advertise on its homepage? The Underage Festival.
----------------------------------------------------


        >> Goatboy Gold - no 3 <<
        The Reverend in Happier Times

    Back in summer 1973, a new group did a short
    college tour to promote their just about to be
    released debut LP. They didn't have enough
    songs for an entire set, so they padded it
    out (as they all did back then) with a
    rock'n'roll cover medley. One of the venues
    they played was in Leeds. A young roadie
    who worked there was asked by the management
    a week or so later what he thought of the
    band, as they were interested in booking
    them again.

    "The one with the poof singer?" says Reverend_
    Goatboy. "Didn't rate them." And then Queen
    went on to sell 300 million albums.



*****************************************************
Global Health Warning: After a number of global
machine-related attacks on Nokia Nseries users, we
have decided to investigate. We urge anyone in close
proximity to Nokia devices to be on full alert.
Horrific attack footage and safety information here:
http://snipurl.com/1p2yd
*****************************************************


          >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
         Mariah Carey, Black Sabbath, Kim Wilde

    Mariah Carey's cat and dog hate her.
    And each other:
http://tinyurl.com/2trlxn

    Swedish man will receive sickness benefits
    for his addiction to Black Sabbath. Symptoms
    include being unable to keep a job:
http://tinyurl.com/2f3y6f

    Kim Wilde gets drenched:
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bL9mBjj2Lvs

    A different kind of flood this week:
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2mf47_peewee-baby_fun

    The Eurovision Dance Contest is coming!
    Get the lowdown here:
http://www.popbet.com/

    FatBoy Slim is F*cking in Roux. It's time to
    bring a little sunshine to the proceedings.
    Buy two get one free:
http://www.chateauroux.co.uk

    One way to cheer up this miserable summer - there's
    still time to get into Britain's Next Top Model:
    Mondays, 9pm, LIVING
http://snipurl.com/1ogab


        >> Chart Predictions <<
       New entries/High climbers Sun 5th August

++ Number One
KATE NASH Foundations

++ Top Ten
NEWTON FAULKER Dream Catch Me
ROBYN Konichiwa Bitches

++ Top Twenty
YVES LAROCK Rise Up
PLAIN WHITE TS Hey There Delilah
THE CORAL Who's Gonna Find Me?

++ Top Forty
PAUL WELLER & GRAHAM COXON This Old Town
THE CRIBS Moving Pictures


        >> End Bit <<
        Help Popbitch!

* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk

* Mail by aysabtu


Eagle vs Shark. The story of two awkward misfits
who find romance by Academy Award-nominee Taika
Waititi, Special popbitch screenings around the UK:
http://195.102.4.175/screeningtour/

*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, LA, WB, LT, SP, AM
SV, honk, NW, KD, TA, lovelight, fridgemonkey,
bigdog, pauly, D, PR

Thanks to: LA, AM and WB.

Thanks to Proof Beer for getting us through summer
http://www.proofbeer.com/
*****************************************************

Old Jokes Home:
The other day I saw a man playing Dancing Queen
on the Didgeridoo.

I thought, that's Aboriginal.


Still Bored?
Dog loves duck
http://youtube.com/watch?v=5cUV9jlE9S8