Dead Pop Bitch

*****************************************************
Britain's Next Top Model: watch Mondays 9pm, on LIVING
http://snipurl.com/1ogab
*****************************************************


"Channel 5 is all shit, isn't it? Christ, the
crap they put on there. It's a waste of space."
- Adam Faith's last words.
-----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH           _     _ _
_ __   ___  _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|   16.08.07 ISSUE 362
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Deadbitch: random celebrity deaths
* Sleeping with the Tribbles
* Nosophiliacs of the world unite!
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> The A-Z of death <<
       From Aeschylus to Zoophilia
 
   Popbitch was saddened by the early death of
   Tony Wilson, so we made a whole issue about
   death to try and cheer ourselves up. At the
   very least, here are 187 facts and stories
   for you to use on holiday this summer.
   Whenever you need to get rid of those
   annoying hangers-on around the hotel bar
   or pool - try one of these. Something should
   work.


-----------------------------------------------------


   A
   Aeschylus
   Ancient Greek playwright, known as the father
   of tragedy. Perished when an eagle dropped
   a turtle on his head.

   Autoerotic asphyxiation.
   First documented in the 1600s, when it was
   observed at public hangings that male
   victims often got an erection when being hung.
   A phenomenon now known in the S&M
   community as "breath play", i.e. strangulation
   for kicks. In 1994 Tory MP Stephen Milligan was
   found hanged, wearing stockings and suspenders.
   Autoeroticists are said to bite on
   an orange during the act so the citrus
   sharpness keeps them from blacking out.
   Sadly for Stephen, it seems he dropped his
   satsuma (or it was pushed!). Friends of
   Michael Hutchence have claimed he didn't
   commit suicide. He was hanging off the back
   of his hotel door having a very special wank.

   Autopsy
   Watch one live:
http://www.filecabi.net/video/autopsy.html


*****************************************************


   B
   Buckwheats
   Reputedly the most painful form of execution -
   a bullet up the rectum. Death is very slow and
   painful. Your lungs fill with blood and your guts
   gradually fall out of your arse. (See Things To
   Do In Denver When You're Dead.)

   Booze
   On the day he died Oliver Reed had drunk three
   bottles of Captain Morgan rum, eight bottles of
   German beer, and countless whisky chasers. Reed
   always insisted he wasn't that keen on drinking,
   but "you meet a better class of people in pubs".

   Blue Plaques
   Fancy one on your house? Apply twenty years
   after death, so get your friends on the case:
http://tinyurl.com/26s9av


*****************************************************


   C
   Chicken
   1. On 31st August 1995, six people died rescuing
   a chicken. The chicken fell into a well in
   Southern Egypt, and six people drowned trying
   to rescue it. Only the chicken survived.
   2. Sir Francis Bacon contracted pneumonia and
   died while stuffing a chicken with snow.
   What a fowl way to go.
   3. A chicken sandwich didn't kill Mama
   Cass. It was heart failure brought on by
   obesity. FYI: her real name was Ellen Cohen.

   Caffeine.
   Shots of espresso in one go needed to kill you?
   117. More caffeine death stats:
http://www.energyfiend.com/death-by-caffeine/


*****************************************************


   D
   Dr Who
   The first three Dr Whos died in chronological
   order. This means Tom Baker is next.

   Drowning
   A particular favourite of pop stars.
   Brian Jones, in his swimming pool; Jeff
   Buckley went for a swim wearing steel-toed
   boots while singing along to a radio
   playing Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love";
   Beach Boy Dennis Wilson, got drunk and
   dived into the sea at Marina Del Rey to
   retrieve items he had once thrown off his yacht.


*****************************************************

   E
   Execution
   1. A study in 1990 in the US suggested that in
   82% of cases the race of the victim was found to
   influence the likelihood of getting
   the death penalty, i.e., those who murdered
   whites were more likely to get it than those
   who killed blacks.
   2. Texas has executed 399 inmates since 1976.
   3. The average time on death row is 10.26 years.
   4. The cost of lethal injection drugs per
   execution, $86.08.
   5. To make your own lethal injection you need:
   Pancuronium Bromide (collapses diaphragm and
   lungs), Potassium Chloride (stops heartbeat),
   and Sodium Thiopental (sedates). There is
   also a popular cocktail by the same name
   (1 shot creme de noyaux, 2 shots dark rum,
   1 shot Malibu, splash orange juice, splash
   pineapple juice). Do not mix the two up.

   Reprieve is a charity that fights for the lives
   of prisoners on death row. Find out more.
http://www.reprieve.org.uk

   Entwistles
   Peg Entwistle, a depressed young actress,
   committed suicide in the 1930s by leaping off
   the Hollywood sign. Strange sightings have
   been reported since of a sad-looking blonde
   woman in 1930s attire wandering the area,
   who vanishes when approached. John Entwistle,
   no relation, died in a Las Vegas hotel room
   from cocaine and hookers. The Hard Rock
   Hotel has kept the identity of the room secret.


*****************************************************

   F
   Famous last words
   "Kurt Russell" - Walt Disney
   "I should never have switched from Scotch
   to Martinis" - Humphrey Bogart.
   "Have they sacked Dominic Lawson yet?"
   - Auberon Waugh.
   "I am still alive!" - Caligula, after being
   stabbed repeatedly by his guards.

   Funeral songs
   In 2006, the most popular song at funerals was
   Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt. The most
   popular song to commit suicide to is
   Bohemian Rhapsody.

   Food
   King Henry I died in 1135 of "a surfeit of
   lampreys". The King of Sweden in 1771 died after
   a meal of lobster, caviar, sauerkraut, kippers
   and champagne, topped off with 14 servings
   of his favourite dessert. In 2002, US President
   George W Bush almost choked to death on a pretzel.

-----------------------------------------------------
Being selfish. It's not big. It's not clever.
But it is funny.
http://tinyurl.com/2ag85d

-----------------------------------------------------
  
   February
   The first week of February spells danger for
   pop stars. Richie from Manic Street Preachers
   vanished on 1st February 1995. Sid Vicious
   overdosed on 2nd February 1979. Buddy Holly,
   Ritchie Valens, and the Big Bopper died
   in a plane crash in Iowa on 3rd February
   1959 and Karen Carpenter died of heart failure
   brought on by anorexia on 4th February 1983.


*****************************************************


   G
   Graves
   Weirdest graves we've seen:
   1. Pipe organ:
http://tinyurl.com/yqdo33
(scroll down)
   2. Tents (explorer Richard Burton)
http://tinyurl.com/22udym
   3. Sitting room, complete with family:
http://www.tinyURL.com/yvyu7x

   Gifts
   All the death-themed gifts you'll need:
http://www.bluelips.com


*****************************************************


   H
   Harry Potter
   (SPOILER ALERT)
   How they died, in order: Charity Burbage,
   Hedwig, Mad-Eye Moody, Rufus Scrimgeour,
   Gregorovitch, Bathilda Bagshot, Ted Tonks,
   Wormtail, Grindelwald, Dobby, Dolahov, Crabbe,
   Fred Weasley, Remus Lupin, Tonks, Colin Creevey,
   Severus Snape, Nagini, Bellatrix Lestrange,
   Yaxley, Voldemort.

   Hollywood
   Read the stories, and take the tour:
http://www.findadeath.com

   Hemingway
   In 1961 Ernest Hemingway purchased the weapon
   he used to commit suicide at Abercrombie & Fitch,
   which was then a firearm supplier. He rested the
   gun butt of the double-barrelled shotgun on the
   floor of a hallway in his home, leaned over it
   to put the twin muzzles to his forehead just
   above the eyes, and pulled both triggers.


*****************************************************


   I
   Ironic deaths
   Jim Fixx, author of The Complete Book of
   Running, died whilst jogging.
   Jerome Irving Rodale, founding father of the
   organic food movement, died in 1971, on
   the Dick Cavett Show, while promoting his
   health books.
   Dr Alice Chase, author of Nutrition for
   Healthâ died of malnutrition.
   Dr Robert Atkins, inventor of the Atkins
   diet, died clinically obese.
   Allen Carr, author of The Easy Way to Stop
   Smoking, died of lung cancer.


*****************************************************


   J
   Javelin. Oops. Nearly:
http://tinyurl.com/2qvxjo


*****************************************************


   K
   Kangaroo
   Aborigines used to send kangaroos into villages
   to wreak havoc before they invaded.
   Something like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mHzFs_LYDro


*****************************************************


   L
   Last meals/Last words
   "I did not get Spaghetti-Os. I got spaghetti.
   I want the press to know this." - Thomas
   Grasso, before his execution in 1995.
   The last prisoner executed in USA, Lonnie
   Johnson (a black man who killed two white
   men), made no last meal request. On 24th
   July, he was the 19th man executed in
   Texas this year. More last meals:
http://www.deadmaneating.com

   Lefties
   On average, right-handed people live seven
   years longer than their left-handed
   counterparts.
   And over 2500 left-handed people are killed
   every year by household objects intended for
   right-handed people.


*****************************************************


   M
   Armin Meiwes
   Cannibal Meiwes was the German computer techie
   who ate his friend Bernd-Jurgen Brandes in 2003.
   He first cut off the penis and flambeed it with
   garlic for the two of them to share. Sadly
   after all that, Mr Brandes wasn't feeling
   very hungry. Two years later another German,
   Ralf M, was inspired to kill his friend, Joe,
   but he couldn't face eating him and put most
   of his body in the fridge (except the bits
   he gave to his cat).

   Monkey Suicide
http://www.monkeysuicide.com/

   Mummy
   Mohammed al Fayed wants to be mummified on death
   and placed in a glass mausoleum on
   the roof of Harrods. Before claiming he was
   murdered by Prince Philip, presumably.


*****************************************************


   N
   Necronautics
   The International Necronautical Society
   Inspectorate think death is just another
   land to conquer and inhabit. Much like
   Tunbridge Wells.
http://www.necronauts.org

   Nosophilia
   Sexually arousal by the knowledge that a
   partner is terminally ill. Nosophiliacs
   can often be found staking out cancer support
   groups to find fresh meat.


*****************************************************


   O
   Obituary euphemisms
   "Free spirit" - unemployable
   "Vivacious" - drunk (female)
   "A character" - drunk (male)
   "Fun loving" - drank more than worked
   "Down to earth" - born working class
   "Utterly carefree" - senile

   On-stage
   Tommy Cooper died of a heart attack in the
   middle of his act on stage. The act that
   followed him on stage was Les Dennis and
   Dustin Gee. Two years later during a pantomime
   in Southport Gee also dropped dead.


*****************************************************


   P
   Psychic
   1.75-year-old Indian seer Punjilal announced that
   he would die between 3pm and 5pm on Thursday,
   20th October 2005. Thousands of pilgrims came to the
   village of Sabra in Madhya Pradesh state to
   witness his death. Much to everyone's surprise,
   when 5pm came and went, he announced he was
   going to live until he was 90.
   2. Colin Fry is a TV psychic who in 1992 found the
   lights were unexpectedly turned on during a
   seance, when Fry was apparently seen holding a
   "spirit trumpet" in the air, which the audience
   thought was being levitated by supernatural
   forces.
http://www.tonyyouens.com/colinfry.htm

-----------------------------------------------------
The pharaohs were buried with their most precious
possessions. Evidence suggests they were a
seriously hedonistic bunch.
http://www.blacklabeladultshop.com/ 
-----------------------------------------------------
  
   Pope
   Number of popes stabbed, strangled, or poisoned
   to death in the last three decades of the 10th
   century: Five.


*****************************************************

   Q
   Quack
   The kind of doctor we all want but only
   celebrities seem to have on their payroll.
   Anna Nicole Smith died with 11 different
   prescription drugs in her system.


*****************************************************


   R
   Rasputin
   Poisoned, shot, stabbed and clubbed but did
   not die. Was finally drowned. Here's his penis:
http://tinyurl.com/yoml8w
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rasputin's_penis


*****************************************************


   S
   Skeletons
   Skeleton graves. A bit icky:
http://tinyurl.com/yobzsk

   Sudden Death Syndrome
   A disorder of the electrical system of the heart
   that can lead to the death of apparently
   healthy people without any warning. It is rarely
   diagnosed, most cases being written off as
   accidents. To date, scientists have yet to come
   up with a cure. Lazy bastards.

   Surgeon
   Dr Robert Liston, the fastest saw in the west.
   In one two-and-a-half minute operation he
   amputated the leg of his patient (who later
   died from gangrene), sliced the fingers
   off his assistant (who later died from blood
   poisoning) and slashed through the coat-tails
   of a spectator (who dropped dead from fright).
   The only operation in surgical history to have
   a 300% mortality rate.


*****************************************************


   T
   Toe Death
   1. Louis XIV of France died of gangrene in 1715.
   For some time before his death, when he took
   his socks off, toes would come with them.
   2. Jack Daniels (of booze fame) died of blood
   poisoning, six years after hurting his toe when
   kicking his safe because he couldn't remember
   the combination.
   3. Bob Marley developed a cancerous tumour from
   a football wound on his right big toe. Danny
   Baker often claims it was his kick that did it.
   Worried that it would affect his dancing,
   Marley refused amputation. The cancer spread
   and he died four years later.

   Tribbles
   The Star Trek fan's euphemism for death is to
   "Sleep with the Tribbles".


*****************************************************

   U
   United States
   Eighty percent of people in the United States
   die in hospital.


*****************************************************


   V
   Vampire of Highgate
   The Highgate Vampire was said to haunt Highgate
   cemetery in the 1970s. Two local exorcists,
   David Farrant and Sean Manchester, both
   claimed they could kill the creature. They
   didn't. The vampire has eluded capture to date.


*****************************************************


   W
   Who Next?
   1. We called William Hill to get odds on Lindsay
   Lohan lasting the year. They declined.
   2. A review of Pete Doherty's writings on Amazon:
   "I have ordered 53 of these books as I
   understand that they are written in his blood.
   According to my calculations that should use up
   about eight pints of it and hopefully bring an
   end to the adolescent dribblings of this
   smacked-up sub-Dickensian tossclump."
   3. Play the death game:
http://www.ghoulpool.us/

   Walt Disney
   Walt was not cryogenically frozen; he
   just refused to have a funeral. He was
   cremated, and his ashes are in a vault.


*****************************************************


   X
   Xmas deaths
   Died on Xmas Day: James Brown, Dean Martin,
   Charlie Chaplin, and WC Fields.


*****************************************************


   Y
   Yuri Gagarin
   Having safely managed to be the first man in
   space, Yuri Gagarin died in a routine training
   flight near Kirzhach trying to re-qualify
   as a pilot. He is buried in the walls of
   the Kremlin.

   Your Death.
   When is it? Popbitch's is 15th February 2050.
http://www.deathclock.com/

*****************************************************


   Z
   Zoophilia
   People who prefer their sex partners to be
   animals. Kenneth Pinyan (aka Mr Hands) died in
   2005 of a perforated colon after an encounter
   with a particularly well-endowed stallion.
   There's a new film about it.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0874423/

*****************************************************


       >> End Bit <<
       Help Popbitch!

* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com

* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.

* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk

* Mail by aysabtu



*****************************************************
Special Thanks: LA, WB, AM, SW

And Thanks, LT, SM, AM, DH
*****************************************************


Old Jokes Home:
Q: Why did the man take his wife to Mexico?
A: Tequila.