POP - BITCH

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Sick of those smiley faces you get all over emails
these days? Watch them die a horrible death instead.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA0wY4WFUPM
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"The Spice Girls were the original
Cheeky Girls" - George Galloway.
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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|_|         |_|   05.07.07 ISSUE 356
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* RIP: George Melly
* Meet the apprentice of smoking
* Charts: Rihanna is still number one
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        >> Spice up your wife <<
        Simon Fuller wants some boy power

    Simon Fuller has had years to put together
    his perfect Spice Girls reunion package. Of course
    it wouldn't be complete without the reality TV
    svengali introducing a new money-making show.
    His plan is to start a search for the Spice Boys!
    A worldwide TV contest which would pick the dancers
    for the tour. Last time round most of the girls
    were shagging the dancers - Mel B even married
    one - and Geri (who got dumped by her spice boy)
    has been suggesting that the dancers should all
    be gay. Instead they'd be chosen by public vote,
    with the Spice Girls on the judging panel.

(FYI: The girls will be doing most PR for the tour
individually, carving up continents so they can
cover more ground (and not piss each other off)
Posh will do America, starting with Today show on
12th July and Jay Leno the day after.)


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Woody from Madness is now the drummer in a Madness
tribute band.
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        >> The Apprentice of smoking <<
        "Even John Leslie looked embarrassed"

    The winner of the last series of The Apprentice,
    Simon Ambrose, was drinking at Proud Galleries,
    London, last Friday, with John Leslie.

    Simon leaned over to the girl on the next
    table and asked if he could have one of her
    roll-ups. She gave him her papers and tobacco"
    and watched him make a very amateur, clumsy fag.
    He then asked her for a light.

    The girl turned to him and said, "Do you
    actually smoke, or what?"

    The reality show winner replied, "Not really.
    You could say I'm the apprentice of smoking".

    Even John Leslie looked embarrassed.


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Take That's opening song at the Diana concert, had
this first line, "You, you're such a big star to
me. You're everything I want to be. But you're
stuck in a hole." How true.
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        >> Big Questions <<
        What dealers want to know this week

    Most It-girls flirt with cocaine during their
    fifteen minutes, before going to rehab. But this
    one just can't seem to stay clean. One of
    her favourite Cornish hang-outs has banned
    her after an incident which resulted in a broken
    bathroom door. Others in the county still love
    her, like the Fowey hostelry where a staff member
    queuing for the toilet after her was treated to an
    enormous line of cocaine left on the window sill.


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RIP George Melly. His love of music and hedonism is
an inspiration to us all. He said before his death.
"As an atheist, I don't believe in an afterlife. And I
believe in it no less and no more than I did at 20."
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        >> Phone sex <<
        Vodafone's perfect spokesman

    Lewis Hamilton can probably get any girl that
    he wants these days, but a couple of years ago at
    a motor-racing party Lewis' chat-up trick was to
    hide the mobile phone of one of the nubile pit
    ponies in attendance, then pretend to find it.
    And then cleverly suggest for a reward she should
    have sex with him.


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William Reid, after the Jesus and Mary Chain reunion
at the Royal Festival Hall, was smoking a joint.
A poor young security guard was trying to get him
to stop by telling him, "but it's illegal!"
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        >> Foreign affairs <<
        David Miliband in the sack

john_lewis_partnership writes:
    "A girl I know went out with the "youngest
    Foreign Secretary for thirty years" back in
    the early '90s. She reports that he could only
    have it off if she was wearing a black
    bra and no knickers."


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Popbitch's favourite weathergirl: BBC East Midlands
stalwart Sara Blizzard.
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        >> Exit light... <<
        ... Enter night

    Metallica are touring Europe this summer. Last
    week their website organised a fan meet and greet
    at a Belgian festival. The fans arrived in the
    afternoon and were shown into a portacabin. After 
    a while the bass player turned up and said hello
    to everyone for about ten minutes. An hour later
    Kirk Hammett came along and did the same. And then
    nothing for about 90 minutes until Lars Ulrich
    showed up. All were friendly but by this time the
    fans had spent about three hours in the room with
    no food or drink, but with a large security guard
    stopping anyone going in or out. James Hetfield
    had too many problems with his voice, apparently,
    to show up at all, although Paul from Maximo Park
    tried to wander in but fell foul of the bouncer.

FYI: The singer of the Bravery was thrown out of the
front of stage area at Werchter Festival as no-one
seemed to know who he was.


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Ecuador airline Icaro has launched mid-air lingerie
parades, with voluptuous models strutting up
and down the aisles in underwear and heels.
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        >> Celebrity gym watch returns <<
        Jason Donovan shows he's still a big star

J writes:
    "A friend shared the changing rooms at a
    gym in Primrose hill with Jason Donovan.
    He is, apparently, 'Rather large. Like
    a soggy Spring Roll'."


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The Principal at Carl Wanke Elementary, San
Antonio Texas is Don Van Winkle.
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        >> Dead wrong <<
        References from beyond the grave

Flack-Jacket writes:
    "Nice to see Alan Johnston safe. My company
    sent me on the kidnap training course. The firm
    who trained us asked for written comment
    on what we thought about their service.
    I politely suggested they might want to
    remove from their website the glowing
    reference given about the training by ITV's
    Terry Lloyd who, after all, had died
    after being ambushed in Iraq in 2003."


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Liverpool airport was closed for four hours today
after police found a suspicious car parked outside.
It was taxed, insured and still had its radio.
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        >> Roswell was real! <<
        Man of the week: Walter Haut.

    Lieutenant Walter Haut was the PR officer at
    Roswell airbase in 1947, and was the man who
    supervised the publicity campaign to show
    people there was no extra-terrestrial encounter
    but that a weather balloon had crashed. Haut
    has just died and left an affidavit to be opened
    on his death. It said that this had just been
    a cover story, that there had been a UFO and
    that he had seen small humanoid alien bodies.
    What a brilliant joke to go out on...?


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Boris Becker had dinner at Nobu, Park Lane, last
Saturday. Hope the broom cupboard was closed.
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        >> Hitler: nice bloke really? <<
        Judy Finnigan puts her own take on history

    "I heard Bernard Manning had died on BBC radio
    news - I was shocked. Not at his death, but at
    the cold and brusque announcement... the
    newsreader launched into an account of how
    offensive his humour was and how racist. That
    was that. No acknowledgement that he could be
    hysterically funny, no fond memories of him
    from other comics, by whom he was much loved."

    Judy's probably not now on the shortlist for
    Celebrity Big Brother.


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Afghanistan is introducing a smoking ban.
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        >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
        Red Bull, Kajagoogoo, enlightenment

    J Pop is back! Our new favourite band is Pee
    or Boo, so listen to Cuty Boy:
http://www.myspace.com/peeorboo

    Worried you know too much about Britney and
    Lindsay? Easy way to make yourself look clever -
    Dan Hind's The Threat To Reason, a notorious
    but accessible new look at the Enlightenment,
    God botherers and God botherer-botherers:
http://go.popbit.ch/38

    We know she's a soft target, but it's a cold,
    rainy July day and Victoria (daughter of
    Jonathan) Aitken's attempts at pop are
    worth a giggle: 
http://www.victoriaaitken.com/

    Want to know what's really in Red Bull?
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/magazine/15-07/st_redbull

    Visit Discoo for T-Shirts by celebrity fave
    Junk Food. Check out bestselling "Don't Hate
    Me Because I'm Skinny" Tee:
http://www.discoo.co.uk

    More on the Brazilian football star said
    to be ready to come out - he was accidentally
    outed on a football discussion show this week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AA_FlBIQHYI

    Have you seen Kajagoogoo's new video?
http://www.kajagoogoo.com/multimedia.html

    A man in Oregon who shot a snorkeller in the
    head after mistaking him for a rodent has been
    sentenced to prison. William Roderick had been
    smoking weed and thought he saw a nutria, a cross
    between a beaver and a muskrat, in the water.
http://www.nutria.com/site.php


        >> Chart Predictions <<
        New entries/High climbers Sun 8th July

++ Number One
RIHANNA Umbrella

++ Top Ten
AVRIL LAVIGNE When You're Gone
TIMBALAND The Way I Are
NATASHA BEDINGFIELD Soulmate
FERGIE Big Girls Don't Cry

++ Top Twenty
MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE Teenagers
MARK RONSON/LILY ALLEN Oh My God

++ Top Forty
INTERPOL The Heinrich Manoeuvre
NELLY FURTADO Say It Right
NEW YOUNG PONY CLUB Ice Cream
TYLER JAMES Why Do I Do
TAKE THAT Shine
FERGIE Glamorous


        >> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, JB, LT, LB, AB, MTB,
NM, MT, AM, plastiktom, DH, Ag, AB, JH, theabominable
homan, NL, rich, sunsetbitch, pedro, miss x,
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Old Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call a little German who lives in a tin?
A: Heinz.

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