Saturday, June 09, 2007

Bitchy Pop

"I am not proud of the Big Brother row - I am not
even proud of Big Brother. But Big Brother accounts
for 15 per cent of the total revenue that keeps
Channel 4 afloat." - Lord Puttnam, deputy chairman C4

>> Wig can work it out <<
Paul McCartney and the phantom syrup

The backstage area of Later With Jools
Holland this week was buzzing after one
of the show's team loudly claimed that Paul
McCartney had a hairpiece.

FYI: Everyone was calling Macca "Cilla Black"
behind his back, thanks to chipmunk teeth
and skin stretched way too tight on the face.

For a new hairpiece (or hairdresser) better go to:

>> White mischief <<
Bristol babe gets it all wrong

So indie-loving posho Emily gets canned from
Big Brother for using a racist term to the
show's only African-Caribbean contestant. While
it's suspiciously convenient for Channel 4,
it's hard to feel any sympathy when you
hear Emily's friends springing to her defence.
Here's "Lucie" on Facebook:

"What the hell are you on about 'dirty racist',
she was obviously blatently (sic) joking, it's not
a big deal, it's only people like you and people
who have got so strung up about little things
that the person did not mean in offence that
have made this country so god damn politically
disgustingly correct! URGHH political correctness
will be the downfall of ENGLAND. Don't take
everything so seriously, learn to take a joke and
have a sense of humour or you'll all end up
like that idiot Charley."

FYI: Russell Simmons, founder of Def-Jam, has called
for the removal of sexist and racist words from songs.
"The word 'nigger' is a racially derogatory term that
disrespects the pain, suffering, history of racial
oppression, and multiple forms of racism against
African-Americans and other people of colour."

A former Big Brother employee says that psych
tests were performed on applicants not to weed
out the mentalists, but to make sure they are among
the contestants selected (e.g. Shabnam?)

>> Heads you lose... <<
Why Wills dumped Kate: part 342

Earlier this year for a bit of fun some
friends of Kate Middleton mocked up a fake
bank-note with Kate's head where the Queen
usually goes. Which would have been fine,
except that one of William's friends saw it.
His snobbish circle were not amused. And
Kate was soon for the chop.

Edwin Van der Sar spotted checking in at Alicante
airport with his family. Flying with Monarch, Edwin
was trying to pay an extra 24 euros for the premium
extra leg-room seats, but they'd all been sold.

>> Big Questions <<
What people want to know this week

Which Hollywood mega-star has just employed the
services of LA's top exorcist to cleanse his
house? The charlatan charges five grand a day
to drive out the evil spirits.

This week's tragic rail crash in Australia happened
outside a town called... Kerang.

>> Summer surprises <<
Five things we weren't expecting in June

1 Judd Apatow's brilliant Knocked Up is almost
as big in USA as Pirates of Caribbean III.
And we can't wait for its star Seth Rogan's
autobiographical Superbad, starring George
Michael from Arrested Development.

2. Michael Bay's Transformers just might be
the film of the summer:

3. Johnny Marr's son is a pop star.
Paolo Nutini wanted Nile Marr as support
act on his tour - until his management
realised he was only 15.

4. Spitting contests are making a comeback.
A 43 year-old man took on a 12 year-old boy
in the eastern German town Forst. Anxious to
win, the man leaned too far over his second-
floor balcony and fell over. He's now in
intensive care.

5. Andrea Corr is releasing an anti-Iraq war
record. (Good for her - it seems that
she has a bit of Bono inside her).

Don't miss out. Find cinemas in seconds:

>> Big Britain <<
Walliams, Windsor and Baddiel

Last week at the birthday party for Matt
Lucas' partner, we're told David Walliams got
his (quite impressive, we hear) cock out
to show Barbara Windsor. Though Babs was
heard later saying something about not
being as big as Sid James...

Walliams spent a long time chatting with
David Baddiel about comedy partnerships.
Surely a Baddiel-Newman style break-up
isn't on the cards for this pair?

JonBenet Ramsey's Dad is dating Beth Holloway Twitty,
mother of Natalee, who went missing in Aruba last year.

>> Silver-tongued <<
The perils of hosting award ceremonies

Poor Sarah Silverman. One of America's
sharpest comics, she looked so out of place
in the back-slapping dross of MTV movie awards.
(Best movie that hasn't been released
yet award... really?) First off she had reality
TV guru and show producer Mark Burnett
patronising her when she said she'd only use her
own script - "the thing is Sarah, this show has
20m viewers not like yours which has 7m."
Now she's going to be living in fear of
her life. The show only had one classic
moment - Silverman's jokes about Paris
Hilton - but now that Hilton's been
released from her prison sentence after a
shamefully short three days, you can bet
she's planning revenge.

FYI: 2006 MTV movie awards had 3.2m viewers

FYI 2: If you missed it, Silverman on Hilton:

Daisy Wright, Jude Law's ex nanny and mistress,
has reinvented herself as a Pilates instructor.

>> Where are they now? <<
Peter Powell: Eastenders star

H writes:
"In Richmond Sainsbury's yesterday I was in the
checkout queue behind DJ Peter Powell. He
bought three bottles of aftersun and a
corkscrew. The fortysomething checkout lady
said to him, "Oooh, do you know who you
remind of me of?"

Powell replied 'Yes, Peter Powell m'darlin'.

"'No', she countered. 'Billy off Eastenders!'"

When you need to find yourself a new image consultant:

>> Land of Confusion <<
Will Alan be Darfurious with AAO?

The little-known Anglo-Arab Organisation claims
to promote a better understanding between Britain
and the Arab world. Its president, Nadhmi Auchi,
recently met with the genocidal President of
Sudan, Omar al-Bashir, and invited him to
come and visit Britain. Bashir accepted.

This may come as something of a shock to one
of the AAO's patrons, Conservative shadow
secretary of state for transport, Alan Duncan.
Only a month ago he signed an early day motion
on Sudan Divestment, which campaigns to end
global financial support for the Sudanese
government. Seems like grammar schools
aren't the only thing that the Tories are in
a state of confusion over.

Popbitch's favourite Australian hospital reality
show doctor: David Ogle, obstetrician.

>> Girl Power Day <<
Diana meets her match

Will the Spice Girls make an appearance at the
Diana concert? Prince William has written
personally to Geri and Emma to ask them to
appear but it wasn't the most popular
move with the other girls - particularly as Geri
is no longer a director of any Spice company.
And concert organisers are split between those
desperate to get them involved and those who
think perhaps the girls, not the concert, would
get the world's attention. Spice Girls Ltd
registering 1st July - the date of the concert
and Diana's birthday - as Official Girl Power
Day won't have helped their cause either.

We hear that Suede might be reforming (or at least
all playing together on Brett Anderson's summer
tour of Asia).

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Rugby circuits, orangutans, Rachel Stevens

Thierry Mugler closed down his couture house -
and has re-emerged as a body-builder called
Manfred. See him before, and a naked after:

German Playboy's June cover girl Doreen Dietl
tells the magazine that she's single but she's
currently enjoying the charms of the Canterbury
Rugby Circuit instructor at Leo's Gym, Munich.
Gym-goers say Doreen can be heard at these
classes grunting "like someone enjoying a
double fisting""

Real-life heroes:

* Which singer was rumoured to have had cocaine
blown up her arse? The answer, plus the funniest
rock apocryphals ever:

Rachel Stevens fisting porn-a-like:

* Who wears the trousers? Posh or Becks? Angelina
or Brad? Jordan or Peter? The nagging
girlfriend has evolved:

Choose the right biofuel or the orangutan gets it.

Have your gastronomic efforts rated with a
personalised How's my Cooking t-shirt:

You know to get your otter photos and gossip on but for everything else:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 10th June

++ Number One
RIHANNA Umbrella

++ Top Twenty
BOB SINCLAR Sound of Freedom

++ Top Forty
THE KLAXONS It's Not Over Yet

>> End Bit <<
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* O2 Wireless Festival. 14-17 June, Hyde Park.
Email a joke to and make us laugh
to win pairs of tickets. For updates & ticket sales:

Thanks to: AM, SW, dollymixture, JB, LT, NB, CN
vogie, germanycalling, bigdog, lashdevil, JB,
calendergirl, unclewhuppity, kps_jockstrap, party_b
Namnam, E,

* Thanks to the 800 people who entered the PSB comp.
Answer To Face The Truth, from Behaviour. (But we
also accepted Rent, Jealousy, Being Boring, So Hard)
We hope winners enjoyed the gig as much as we did.

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's got three wheels and drives along the
bottom of the riverbed?

A: A motorpike and sidecarp.

Still Bored?
Knut is 6 months old! And already weighs 28kg:,1518,486627,00.html

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