Textile Porn

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Textile porn? Have The C'mons been stringing
us along - what do you think?
http://www.youtube.com/cmons
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"If the inquiry names names, then names will
be named." - Gordon Brown, PM.

"The house has noticed the Prime Minister's
remarkable transformation in the past few
weeks - from Stalin to Mr Bean." - Vince Cable
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|   30.11.07 ISSUE 377
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com

* Say hello to the Wine-alikes
* Munchkins: The true story
* Charts: Leona Lewis is still number one
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Beware the Crack-Finger <<
       The latest thing to blacken Amy's name

   Photos of Amy Winehouse have highlighted an
   unfortunate new physical development - a
   nicely blackened thumb and index finger.
   Either she's been lighting a lot of candles
   recently or it seems that she might have
   winter 2007's least on-trend accessory -
   The Crack Finger. Users burn rocks with a
   cigarette lighter at an angle which discolours
   the fingers and makes the lighter plastic
   melt against the skin.

FYI: Why does Blake Winehouse always wear that
pork-pie hat? "Male pattern baldness", we're told.

FYI 2: What is Amy Winehouse's favourite tube
station? High Barnet. (Sorry)


*****************************************************
You're reading popbitch so your morals are probably
suspect. If you're married and horny but want more
we've got 140,000 solutions for you:
http://go.popbit.ch/41
*****************************************************


      >> Big Questions <<
      What people are asking this week

   Which ex-England rugby player made few friends
   at a corporate after-dinner speaking engagement   
   recently? A waiter tried to clear up the
   tables as he was speaking, so the rugby star
   greeted him with the phrase, "Excuse me,
   could you fuck off? And go back to Italy."

   The tour manager of which indie band got so
   sick of the band getting wasted on gak every
   day that he started crushing up pro-plus tablets
   and getting someone to sell them to his charges?


-----------------------------------------------------
Hot Chip's next single, Ready For The Floor,
is brilliant
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Say hello to the Wine-alikes <<
       The sound of 2008 - much like 2007

   Every day the music industry comes up with
   another excuse for the implosion of their
   hegemony. File-sharing, technology, climate
   change, monkeys (probably). We've got another
   theory. A lot of people in it don't know their
   arse from their elbow. The one thing they do
   know how to do is copy what is already
   successful. Amy Winehouse has been huge in
   2007, so next year we get loads of bluesy
   female soloists.

   Adele - we brought you her music back
   in the summer - and she has the charisma
   and talent to take on Amy head-to-head:
http://www.myspace.com/adelelondon

   Duffy - somewhat dull and mumsy, the perfect
   soundtrack to a pro-biotic yogurt ad:
http://www.myspace.com/duffymyspace

   Beth Rowley - disturbingly tall former
   jazz singer. Interesting:
http://www.myspace.com/bethrowley

   Gabriella Cilmi - Winehouse-lite, but
   better looking, and without the
   Crack Finger:
http://tinyurl.com/29bydy


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The centre of Khartoum is laid out like the shape
of the Union Jack.
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       >> Whatever happened to... <<
       David Sneddon. Remember him?

   In 2002 David Sneddon unexpectedly won Fame
   Academy. And that was that. So what's he doing
   now? Well, we spotted him at Bush Hall this week
   getting drunk at the Colby Caillet gig. This is
   what we learned. His parents are coming to visit
   him this weekend. (He lives in London with his
   girlfriend). And the following weekend he's going
   back to Scotland to see them. But the weekend
   after that he is free.

   FYI: David also owns a recording studio and is
   a songwriter, signed to Universal.


-----------------------------------------------------
White dogs are often deaf.
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       >> Big balls Biggins <<
       Tips well and leaves a big impression

A_reliable_source writes:
   "A friend was working in a hotel in the north
   at Christmas time when Christopher Biggins
   and Barbara Windsor were staying while
   doing a nearby panto. One night Babs and
   Biggins were getting royally pissed on
   champagne. After their fourth bottle was
   finished they requested another and my
   friend delivered it to their room. Biggins
   was in top form and asked her to stay
   for a drink. However, he and Babs were
   wearing towelling robes and, as he made
   his grand gesture, his robe flew open
   and his cock and balls were free for all
   in the room to see. Babs got a giggling fit
   and my friend made her excuses and left.
   Apparently his cock was average but he
   had very large balls. And they were
   both excellent tippers."

FYI: IMACGMOOH. Popbet knows the winner of
and it's not who you think.
http://www.popbet.com


-----------------------------------------------------
For the first time since 1980, the percentage of
overweight adults in USA has not increased year-on-year
"You can only get so fat," says one physiologist.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Money to burn <<
       EMIs fruit-and-flower-fest

   EMI's new head honcho Guy Hands is said in
   the press to be horrified at the company's
   excesses. For example, 200 grand a year on
   "fruit and flowers" for EMI's London HQ and
   20 grand a month on candles for an LA flat
   used by EMI artists.

   We wonder if Guy knows that while fruit,
   flowers and candles are often bought in the
   music industry, popbitch readers will
   know it has also been a useful accounting
   loophole that allowed unlimited money to
   be spent legitimately purchasing drugs
   and hookers. Primal Scream and Suede were
   defrauded by an accountant who used this   
   "fruit and flowers" loophole to steal half
   their money while Billy Idol supposedly
   favoured "champagne and flowers".
   Wonder who prefers candles?


-----------------------------------------------------
Fashionistas are wondering if Heather Mills, at
her soapbox thingy about veganism at Speakers Corner,
was wearing a pair of leather MBT trainers?
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       >> All new Tatu <<
       They're back, and pissing on Girls Aloud

   Russia's finest sometime-lesbo pop princesses
   are back. In the last four years Julia
   Volkova has had a baby with a karate champion,
   dated the pantheon of Russian male pop stars,
   started singing again with Lena Katina and
   is now pregnant again, while original svengali,
   and tabloid paedo hate-figure, Ivan Shapovalov
   has disappeared. New single, Beliy Plaschik,
   is awesome, and has a startling video with
   Lena ordering the firing-range execution of a
   seven-month pregnant Julia.

Watch video and see Julia's boy-menagerie,
including a Russian rapper:
http://www.popbitch.com/videos


-----------------------------------------------------
Ziggy's ex-bandmate Dan Corsi is now an
in-house model for River Island.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Reality check <<
       Nick Rhodes: world's coolest pop star?

   Our favourite internet exchange of the
   week, from duranduran.com:

   "Dear Nick Rhodes,
   In 2004 you took part in a debate at the
   Oxford University to discuss 'that reality
   T.V is killing real music'. Do you not
   think that your upcoming appearance on
   the reality TV music series, The X-Factor,
   sits at odds with the stance you fought
   hard to defend?"
   IzzY World.

   "Dear Izzy,
   The irony had not escaped me. Just as I lost
   the vote at the Oxford debate, I also lost
   the vote in the democracy that is Duran
   Duran... As I don't personally choose
   which shops stock our records, I have to
   remain somewhat impartial about the limited
   choice of opportunities to perform live
   on popular television shows too."
   Nick.


-----------------------------------------------------
Popbitch's favourite Osterley dentist: Dr Payne.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Tall tales... <<
       ... Of little folk

   The Wizard of Oz movie is 68 years old. The
   surviving nine (out of 124) munchkins gathered
   last week to receive a star on the Hollywood
   Walk of Fame. So many legends exist about
   these little folk's extraordinary behaviour
   on set that we investigated.
 
   Many tales were started by Judy Garland. She
   once claimed a munchkin approached her on set
   and said "Judy, someday I'm going to fuck you."
   Her alleged reply? "If you do and I catch you..."

   The rest of the myths decoded - true or false:

   * Boozing
   One drunken munchkin supposedly fell into a
   toilet at MGM and had to be rescued. TRUE-ISH!

   * Orgies
   Mervyn Leroy, the film's producer, joked about
   epic munchkin group sex sessions. 124 little
   folk in one place... we have no other
   evidence, but we still say TRUE!
  
   * Hanging
   Legend says that one heartbroken munchkin
   hanged himself during filming. When Dorothy
   & co. dance down the yellow brick road you
   see a large object swinging in the background.
   It's no munchkin, it's a bird: FALSE!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r89z_-1by6U

   * Dwarfs v Dog
   Did they get paid less than Toto? Munchkin
   Jerry Maren said they were paid $50 per week
   for a 6-day working week. Toto, the dog,
   got $125 per week. TRUE!


-----------------------------------------------------
Port Sudan airport was until quite recently called
Osama Bin Laden International, after the man who built
it. Maybe that says something about the country.
-----------------------------------------------------


       >> Things that make you go hmmm <<
       Binturong, rap maths and vagina purses

   Rap represented in mathematical graphs
   and charts:
http://www.jamphat.com/rap/

   Lady-part bags:
http://www.artgoddess.com/purses.htm

   Morrissey manager Merck's riposte
   to the NME cover:
http://true-to-you.net/morrissey_news_071127_01

   Shag trophies as clothing. Nice:
http://tinyurl.com/2xftcb

   Loads of music, pop culture, tv and
   film t-shirts at our pre-Christmas sale.
   Free P&P, all prices slashed:
http://www.teefly.com

   Cool clothes for rock'n'roll chicks!
http://www.dollydagger.co.uk

   Get a Binturong. They're now legal to keep
   as a pet. And so cute:
http://tinyurl.com/2kcoet

   Under 24, or still pretending to be?
   Free texts and phone calls:
http://www.blyk.co.uk/


     >> Chart Predictions <<
     New entries/High climbers Sun 2nd Dec

++ Number One
LEONA LEWIS Bleeding Love

++ Top Ten
GIRLS ALOUD Call The Shots

++ Top Twenty
SOULJA BOY Crank That (Soulja Boy)
ELVIS PRESLEY An American Trilogy

++ Top Forty
EDITORS The Racing Rats
CHRISTINA AGUILERA Hurt
SEAN KINGSTON Me Love
SUGABABES Change


      >> End Bit <<
      Stuff about Popbitch

* Email stories, gossip:
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* Adam Curtis is presenting his documentaries at
Whitechapel Art Gallery, 8-9 December. He's also
going to tell you why the YBAs are our equivalent
of the Socialist Realists in the Soviet Union
under Stalin and Khruschev. And why he likes
marmots so much. Get tickets:
http://www.whitechapel.org/content.php?page_id=3685

*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, party_b, S, onthehushhush, DM,
AC, onthehushhush, NZGirl69, missus, eddie, SW,
the dusthunter, FF,

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Old England Football Jokes Home:
Brian Barwick sees an old lady in the street
struggling with heavy shopping.
"Can you manage love?" he asks.
"It's OK", she says, "I don't want
the job, thanks".


Still Bored:
Our favourite Xmas song - We're All Going To Die:
http://www.myspace.com/malcolmmiddleton