Mel Brooks had some fantastic ideas in this film.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Bad Disney Movie
“Equality is not in being great. Great black people
have always been compensated. The true equality is
the equality to suck like a white man” - Chris Rock
“I wish my parents had spent more time worrying about
my education than me being a star.” - Shania Twain.
----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 11.09.08 ISSUE 413
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* God hates UK & Ireland, apparently
* Chris Morris: New TV idea bombs
* Charts: Kings of Leon are number one
------------------------------------------------------
>> RIP VMAs <<
MTV make mockery of world
Poor old Britney. Once again used by outside
interests and corporations. Men, mum, record
label, paps - they've all used Brit to make
cash with no regard to her mental health. After
years at the top of pop and some of the greatest
pop songs of the last decade she couldn't get
arrested at MTV awards ceremonies. Now,
as US pop looks, for once, so second rate
that it can't break out beyond tween circles,
Viacom uses the poor, fragile, obviously over-
medicated ex-pop star for publicity and news.
One of the least impressive, least bought records
suddenly make her a star. Yeah right. Nothing
should be able to withstand this amount of
cynicism. Death to the Video Music Awards!
Russell Brand tried to smash the mediocrity, at least.
Enjoy the online comments, many more like this one:
"Russell WHO? I didn't realise this show was an Osama
(sic) campaign rally. Imagine if Cedric the Entertainer
came to London and did a bit about Margaret
Thatcher and Alzheimers." Nick, Austin TX, USA
http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1594254&vid=272743
------------------------------------------------------
Russell Brand has/had a black and white cat
called Morrissey.
------------------------------------------------------
>> Brass neck <<
BBC say Airline Plot good, Morris bad?
Chris Morris. Role model for news and comedy
shows on TV. He has a brilliant new show idea.
The Brass Eye provocateur has written a comedy
about a Jihadi wannabe suicide bomber cell
in the North of England. It's funny and topical.
The perfect TV show? Well, maybe to you and me.
To the BBC and C4, the channels we hear he
offered it to, it's not. They've said no to it.
Possibly too scared at the subject content?
Did you see the recent "Airline Plot" terror trial?
The jury didn't convict but on the same day, the
BBC thought it was appropriate to use their news
programmes to attack that jury, and put out a
Panorama show called "The Airline Plot" -
when a jury had decided that no such plot existed.
And Morris can't get his show commissioned!
-----------------------------------------------------
A DRC Government minister has ordered a Kinshasa jail
to release a dozen goats. They were to appear in court,
charged with being sold illegally by the roadside.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> BBC: arse from elbow? <<
Can you teach a dog New Tricks
The BBC has a series called New Tricks which is
incredibly successful It stars popular but
uncool actors James Bolam, Amanda Redman and
Dennis Waterman as detectives. It's proved
a massive hit with viewers. All good? You'd
think. Except BBC suits HATE it. And its
success. BBC Drama has targets, focus group
works and demographics to hit and this
doesn't. Cue soul searching, and bitter
recriminations among executives who don't
think this should be BBC output.
-----------------------------------------------------
Best new film to look forward to: JCVD. The story
of an actor called Jean-Claude Van Damme. Starring
an actor called Jean-Claude Van Damme.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Horsing around <<
You couldn't make it up
The Bobbi Brown concession at Selfridges
has a lot of wealthy or famous customers.
Recently a wealthy Arab sheik turned up to
buy make up. He wanted it for... his white
stallion. He gave a photo of the horse to
staff and asked them what he needed to
make-up the horse to look beautiful. He
walked off with a haul including brushes,
eye shadows, blushers, gel eyeliner, and
make up remover - costing more than three grand.
-----------------------------------------------------
Webbed feet, like Rachel Stevens and, it appears,
dozens of Popbitch readers have, apparently are a
sign that your ancestors came from Venice.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Drop the pilot <<
They know everything about everyone
One of the best sites now is the Professional
pilots Rumour Network. Here's the latest
celebrities-on-planes news
"Cilla Black - she should be shot"
"You don't talk to Ms Black. Ms Black
will talk to you. Ms Black only sits in 1".
"Michael Winner. Words fail me at how
important he thinks he is".
"Jodie Kidd - she is Michael Winner in drag".
"Friend works on check-in and has witnessed
Madonna throwing her toys out twice - once over
not being able to sit in 1A on Concorde and another
time over not being allowed her excess luggage free.
"Rachel Stevens - cried because we wouldn't
upgrade her"
More next week...
-----------------------------------------------------
An anagram of Mercury Music Prize winner "Elbow's
Guy Garvey" - Vaguely Web Orgy.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which Brit tabloid hacks covering
Gary Glitter recently has a particularly
strong connection with the story? He lives
in Bangkok and enjoys hanging out in the
under-age bars in the city.
(Ancient jokes home: What's the difference
between Gary Glitter and a greyhound? The
greyhound waits for the hare.)
-----------------------------------------------------
One of Britain's professors running the Large
Hadron Collider is the ex-keyboard player
of D:Ream, Professor Brian Cox.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Fan love <<
Publicists love Leona?
Every week we get thousands of emails from
readers. Sometimes PR companies try to smuggle
stories in. Which do you think this is from
- PR or genuine fan?
"I here from a PA at a big publishing company
that there is a bidding war in progress for the
auction of the first official Leona Lewis book
to be published in 2009 ...... Sound exiting for
her global fans and I am one...
I am sure it will be great. T"
-----------------------------------------------------
Roger Fisher from Heart has pledged he'll give the
royalties earned from his song Barracuda being played
for Republicans straight to the Obama campaign.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> God hates the UK <<
And Ireland, apparently
"Have we told you lately that God hates the UK?"
The lovely Phelps family of Westboro Baptist
Church, aka the God Hates Fags gang, have a
new target: the UK.
Apparently we're being punished for our "fag
enabling ways". They blame: The Church of
England, "Enough said about that filthy false
religion". And the Government, "Its head is
the Sovereign, Queen Elizabeth, II. That’s
right - the exact same Queen Elizabeth, II,
who is the head of the Church of England."
No shit, Sherlock.
And God's punishment: London tornado in 2006
(6 injured), the 2003 European heatwave "which
included the U.K" and last but not least,
the Black Plague (1666, when sodomy was very
illegal).
Next week: "God hates Ireland, Land of
the Sodomite Damned"
More:
http://tinyurl.com/46tqvy
-----------------------------------------------------
JS writes: "David Walliams was in Wagamama Dublin.
Very unassuming and has lost weight. IDNSH noodles."
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Horse play <<
Nagging the best man
Australian weddings can be weird things. A
stag night in Sydney recently went so wrong it
went to court. Everything was going well, the
stripper was popular, until the best man was
called upon to do his bit. He ended up on all
fours, with the stripper on top of him, brandishing
a dildo. The, apparently conservative best man
is said to have told the stripper, "don't put
it in". "Moments later the best man squinted
and got up quickly, calling the stripper an
idiot and telling her to leave", the court heard.
"I feel that my manhood has dropped a bit," he
told police in his statement.
And the name of the stripper who ended up
"riding him like a horse"? Linda Naggs.
-----------------------------------------------------
The three Jonas Brothers have a secret handshake.
One of them is diabetic.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Love wars <<
Bristol hits the baby news again
France's Minister of Justice, Rachida Dati,
has announced she is pregnant, but isn't
going to say who the father is. Spanish media
has started to report that one celebrity is
denying he is the father. Ex-President Jose
Maria Aznar. Apparently the two have been
friends for a while, and were spotted
recently partying at Paris' Bristol hotel
with the Sarkozys and Julio Iglesias.
Aznar, you may remember, made his name
on his Islamaphobia. Dati is half Morrocan
and half Algerian.
-----------------------------------------------------
Anon writes: "Just seen your story on Carole
Cadwallader. She was sued once by a celebrity Brazilian
waxer and landed the Observer with a ฃ12k damages bill
for a three paragraph article. Not the brightest...?"
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Sin City <<
Leather nights of Berlin
Last weekend was the Folsom Street Fair fetish
event in Berlin. The main party, PiG, was held
at a huge power station in Rummelsburg, East
Berlin. There were more than 3000 men in fetish
gear. Including George Michael. Nowadays gay
pop stars' dream is a West End Show. At
least George still shows them how it's
supposed to be done.
George has, rightly, been named as one of
Britain's top gays by Godhatesfags.com. Well
they call it "Poster Children for Sin" but we
prefer to accentuate the positives. Making up
the top five are Sir Elton John, Nicholas
Boles, Sir In McKellen and Boy George.
-----------------------------------------------------
Jenna Dewan, the girl who Justin Timberlake left
Britney for, is getting married to Channing Tatum, who
was brilliant in A Guide To Recognising Your Saints.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Techdance <<
Ashton Kutcher gets on the web
Techcrunch 50 is, apparently, the Sundance of the
Tech Industry. It took place this week in San
Francisco, and Ashton Kutcher went along to launch
his new website. How 2001 of him! Our spy said:
* Demi Moore spotted wandering around "looking
shiny and expressionless" And she nearly broke
someone's nose trying out a Wii style golf game
on an iPhone.
* Ashton Kutcher "seemed to have B.O."
* Samantha Ronson DJd the Facebook afterparty:
"She did actually mix the records herself
(unlike Geldof, Lawler etc) but she wasn't very
good at it."
* Jack Johnson played the iPod press conference.
"He was rather good."
* Steve Jobs not dead, looks better than he did.
* Steve Wozniak is fat, but good-natured and
posed for photos with awestruck geeks.
Kutcher's site:
http://www.blahgirls.com
-----------------------------------------------------
Richard Gere's middle name is Tiffany. Billie
Piper's middle name is Paul.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Palin porn, dog on wheels, Polish posters
"It's like a really bad Disney movie":
Matt Damon on politics. Interested in dinosaurs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anxkrm9uEJk
Super-cool film posters:
http://tinyurl.com/54wkh8
Kevin Godley has a dog on wheels.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5KwNUAO5ao
James Whale has a great new TV job:
http://www.bid.tv/presenter_james_whale.htm
Sarah Palin porn-a-like:
http://www.xvideos.com/video48460/hot_teacher_teaches_teens_how_to_fuck
GOLD - Like a mini-Latitude or Bestival but with
no mud. Booker Prize authors, 5-star Edinburgh
comedy, Luke Wright's Poetry Parlour, Martin
Creed's band, Gay Bingo, Heartbreak etc. 1pm -2am,
Saturday 27th September, Shoreditch Town Hall
http://www.gold08.co.uk
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 14th September
++ Number One
KINGS OF LEON Sex On Fire
++ Top Ten
CLIFF RICHARD Thank You For A Lifetime
++ Top Twenty
IGLU & HARTLY In This City
++ Top Forty
FLOBOTS Handlebars
CANCER Just Stand Up
MCFLY Lies
BASSHUNTER Angel In The Night
QUEEN & PAUL ROGERS C-LEBRITY
SAM SPARRO Black & Gold
FLO RIDA ft WILL I AM In The Ayer
MIA Paper Planes
ELBOW One Day Like This
>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch
* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com
* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com
* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.
* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk
* Mail by aysabtu
*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, LM-ES, CS, xxx, SW, AP, R,
deep_stoat, abominablehoman, opus, Plamen,
party_b, patorubio, el_presidente
*****************************************************
Old Jokes Home:
A deaf old man goes for a checkup to the doctors
with his wife.
Doctor, slowly: "Mr Roberts, I need a urine sample,
a faeces sample and a sperm sample please".
"What did he say dear?" says old Mr Roberts.
Mrs Roberts: "He says he needs your underpants".
Still Bored:
9/11 - seven years on:
http://www.icanhas911.com/2007/09/11/fukkin-ur-veringz/
Sunday, September 07, 2008
Saturday, September 06, 2008
Thursday, September 04, 2008
Dear Bristol. Hang in there!!!!! XXOO
******************************************************
In the mating game you can't afford distractions,
like worrying about underarm sweat. Use Sharp Focus,
the latest anti-perspirant in the Lynx Dry range,
and your 'pits will stay desert-dry and smelling
great - which means that, like our man, you get to
keep both eyes on the prize!
http://tinyurl.com/5aqxps
******************************************************
"Treating yourself to something you really like can
make you feel very good" - Colleen Rooney
"I felt like a sweating sea cow" - Billie Piper
----------------------------------------------------
POPBITCH _ _ _
_ __ ___ _ __ | |__ (_) |_ ___| |__
| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_| |_| 04.09.08 ISSUE 412
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
go to http://www.popbitch.com
* Madge and Guy OK, "As far as I'm aware"
* Jamie Lynn Spears loves Bristol "Bristols" Palin
* Charts: Katy Perry is still number one
------------------------------------------------------
>> Say my name <<
Album buzz for Borrell
It's been a good summer for pop music. And
there are so many big albums coming out before
Christmas that it should be a good winter.
Rather surprisingly, the album to watch out for
is by Razorlight. Word of mouth from industry
insiders is really good, even though it comes
reluctantly, and through gritted teeth, as most
music business staffers seem to hate
singer Johnny Borrell.
We can't work out why he inspires such dislike.
Surely not because of stories that when he is
on the point of orgasm he likes to ask his sexual
partner, "What's my name?" To which the correct
reply is "Johnny Borrell". A mystified "Er, Johnny?"
Is not good enough and is followed by him
shouting "No! my full name!" Or so we are told.
FYI: The Killers third album is due. They've
shaved, so expect first album synths, rather
than second album U2 guitar anthems.
-----------------------------------------------------
This Morning agony aunt, Denise Robertson, likes
two gin & tonics and a glass of white wine on the
train back up north from the studio.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Duchess author throws strop <<
Says she's an heiress, sits on her terrace etc
Amanda Foreman writer of The Duchess, which has
just been turned into a Keira Knightley film,
was on CNN this morning complaining about the
unwanted attention that an old picture of her
naked in Tatler has heaped on her. She was
quite rightly annoyed that the press had got
hold of it. But where did they find the picture?
Perhaps it was from her own website?
Photo:
http://www.amanda-foreman.com/images.shtml
-----------------------------------------------------
A BBC Wildlife Magazine poll this week announced that
the otter is Britain's favourite mammal.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Look - conjoined robot! <<
Guy & Madge display communication skills
Guy Ritchie's PR assault in the press to help
his generally well-received new film, RocknRolla,
has, of course, touched on the state of his
marriage. "I love my wife... she is brilliant at
what she does". It must be these romantic
statements that keep Madonna happy. “Everything
is going very well as far as I’m aware", he then
added, a tad forlornly.
Madonna did turn out to support Guy at the film
premiere. Our favourite comment by a fellow guest:
"Her and Guy did a very bizarre and uncomfortable-
looking locked arms thing for 10 minutes
(including when walking up stairs) that made them
look like a conjoined robot".
-----------------------------------------------------
Gloria Estefan played a gig on a tennis court in
Marbella last week. It was at the Puente Romana
hotel - a bargain 3500 euros for a box.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week
Which actor, and pop star's father, was described
to us by a comedienne as being “hung like Gollum”?
Which Big Brother 9 contestant was once seen
in a pub on all fours crawling under the tables
to give unsuspecting punters a blowjob?
*** It's the closest BB for years: make some money on
the tedious eviction show. Bet a tenner and get a
free 10 quid matching bet:
http://adfarm.mediaplex.com/ad/ck/54106
FYI: Should the final three be Mikey, Rachel and Sara
as the odds would have it, then history dictates that
a girl should walk away with the crown. Only once
has the majority gender in the final three not won -
when Kate Lawler beat off the challenges of two
boys (Jonny and Alex) in BB3.
-----------------------------------------------------
A gay version of The Wonder Years is in development.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> 50 quid for 40 licks <<
You can't always get what you want
stoneageromeo writes:
"John Pasche, the creator and seller of the
Rolling Stones' lips logo, is meant to have
only received GBP50 for his design. Not so.
That may have been the cash that exchanged
at the time but there was more: a promise that
if they were still going in ten years time and
using the logo, John could join the band.
"Ten years passed but instead of letting him
join (the man is SO quiet) they bought him a
rather grand house in Oxshott instead
where he still lives."
-----------------------------------------------------
There was a barbecue in Measbrook last week. Things
went down like a house on fire but they ran out
of Fosters at 4am.
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Jake v Carole <<
Let the vendetta begin!
Artist Jake Chapman didn't like something written
about him by The Observer's Carole Cadwallader.
This seems to be his reply (edited highlights):
"Drear Ms Cadwalladr(sic),
I must admit that I failed to notice, until prompted
by my distraught mother, that you really got me good
'n' proper in the Observer, Sunday 17 august - 'look
up 'dog' and 'turd',' you said, 'and you'll find
Jake Chapman'.... and now I'm officially a
'Narcissistic phallus!' Latin is it? I bet it is!
Clever girl.
"I'd naturally plummet for vagina dentata as a
symmetrical riposte, but your wit is so hopelessly
toothless I'm left feeling lightly gummed...
oh dear, the associations are beginning to make me
quite queasy, kippers, your dentured snatch, frumpy
laura ashley blouses reeking of stale mothballs...
"Carole, I was really under the impression that
you'd ejaculated your little public power fit to
satisfactory conclusion the last time you winged
about our lamentable interaction, but no, you're
not yet ready to move on.
"Oh! I can't quite compete with the Observer's
big-wig distribution figures but you'll be amazed
how many people this little chit-chat will find
its way to.
love and kisses.
jakexxx"
*****************************************************
Sick of being a poker fish? Become a rummy shark!
All those childhood hours playing card games
were worth it after all:
http://www.rummyroyal.com/1-2043-2396-12-37736
*****************************************************
>> Gymslip mom mania <<
Jamie Lynn loves "Bristols" Palin
As if the Republican VP saga wasn't surreal
enough, we get the news that Jamie Lynn Spears
has been sending presents to Bristol Palin.
Britney's little sis has just had a baby aged
17, hoped to marry her childhood sweetheart but
is reading magazine covers saying he's cheating
on her instead. JL sent Bristol a card saying
"Dear Bristol: Hang in there!!!!! XXOO" and
"a care package of fancy embroidered burp cloths".
Packaged in a mini pink suitcase, the $60
set of five coordinating burp cloths are
embroidered with Babe, Loved, Yummy, Fresh,
and a skull & bones. JL asked for them in pink,
so looks like Bristol is expecting a girl.
FYI: Us weekly magazine puts Grandma Palin on the front
cover with headline "Mom of five: New embarrassing
surprises", next to a picture of her and Down syndrome baby:
http://tinyurl.com/6689o9
-----------------------------------------------------
How New York Daily News introduced the Palin pregnancy,
"He's a superhunky bad-boy ice hockey player from cold
country; she's a chestnut-haired beauty and popular
high school senior." We had to stop reading after
Bristol was described as "doe-eyed".
-----------------------------------------------------
>> How Republicans convene <<
Now it's time to party, party hard
What a shame for Republican delegates that Gustav
put an end to the partying early this week. It
was announced that only "absolutely necessary"
components of the Convention in Mineappolis
would be taking place. Like a boat party -
paid for by chemical industries, a "pig roast
and reggae" event paid for by the oil industry,
and a National Rifle Association party that
was provided with Hookers and Blow, the
name of the resident band for the evening.
More:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rni6G7RRFkk
http://tinyurl.com/3wey7va2c42
-----------------------------------------------------
Sarah Palin Joke of the week: Fox News: "She does know
about international relations because she is up there
in Alaska right next door to Russia."
Jon Stewart: "Alaska is also next to the North Pole so,
obviously, she must also be friends with Santa."
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Reach for the toes <<
Will ducklike Rachel master the Foxtrot?
Rachel S Club is going to be on Strictly Come
Dancing. That will be interesting as she has
webbed feet, like a duck. Rachel has tried
to deny it, saying "It's just that my toe next
to my big toe and the toe next to that aren't
separated all the way down." Like a web, then.
-----------------------------------------------------
Keane's new album is said to be a) really good.
b) A bit Killers. Best comment on internet forums on
Tom Chaplin: "His face is bigger than his head".
-----------------------------------------------------
>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Back of a cab, frog oral, Windy Swetman
One song, one take, one cab. Very cool:
http://www.blackcabsessions.com
A BA insider tells us our piece on how Olympic
athletes equipment wasn't welcome on BA flights
wasn't totally accurate: "Our baggage & cargo
staff did a sterling job ensuring that team
GB's equipment, including Super Out Of Gauge
items like javelins, pole vaults, canoes and
rowing oars, have been getting out and back
from Beijing as required - even though T5 was
designed to be SOOG free. If it's over 2.4m
long it won't go through the baggage scanners
and should normally be sent as cargo, but even
so we successfully dealt with these items being
checked in as baggage for the games."
Watch cool video:
http://www.popbitch.com
New Orleans Hurricane helpline Supervisor -
Windy Swetman:
http://tinyurl.com/5sxhsg
Chimp gets blowjob from frog:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbeiSgu52no
This cartoon was banned by Mormons:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zy0d1HbItOo
Van Halen admonished John McCain for using
their music. So sit back and enjoy one
of their finest moments:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxknORO1Vzk
Only TWO days to go to get your Skin Two
Rubber Ball tickets:
http://www.skintwo.biz
>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 7th September
++ Number One
KATY PERRY I Kissed A Girl
++ Top Ten
PUSSYCAT DOLLS When I Grow Up
++ Top Twenty
MILEY CYRUS See You Again
NE YO Miss Independent
GYM CLASS HEROES Cookie Jar
STEVE MAC Paddy's Revenge
++ Top Forty
DUFFY Stepping Stone
CHICANE V NATASHA BEDINGFIELD Bruised Water
NKOTB Summertime
>> End Bit <<
Stuff about Popbitch
* Email stories, gossip:
hello@popbitch.com
* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com
* Popbitch is published by Popdog Ltd.
* Web hosting by: http://del.co.uk
* Mail by aysabtu
*****************************************************
Thanks to: AM, SW, LM, CS, CP, Sm, copygirl, MW,
rustyintegrale, mercyme, touchmyspasti, Doghouse Dave,
lennie, NL,
*****************************************************
Old Jokes Home:
A man took his dog to the cinema to see War and
Peace. The dog sat beside him and the audience was
amazed to see the dog and his reactions to the
film. When the heroine was facing dire straits the
dog would howl and when things were going well
he'd bark and wag his tail.
After the film ended a woman came up to the dog's
owner and said: "Wow, your dog's reactions were
amazing!" The man replied: 'I know, I'm really
surprised. He hated the book."
Still Bored:
A map of fresh-air shagging opportunities:
http://www.outdoorlovemap.com/
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
Tuesday, September 02, 2008
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