Thursday, June 12, 2008

I hate ankle socks too

“I can't stand ankle socks” - Fabio Capello
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|_| |_| 12.06.08 ISSUE 401
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* What's under Motty's sheepskin?
* Cheech and Chase up Pompeii!
* Charts: Mint Royale is number one

>> Cheech and Chase <<
Chevy sparks hunt at exhibition

The Houston Museum of Fine Art recently opened
a new exhibit on Pompeii. The launch had a
smattering of local dignitaries and celebrities,
including Chevy Chase. As the evening drew on
guests were bemused to hear Chevy over the
tannoy saying he'd lost something and if anyone
found it could he have it back. Nothing more
was heard about it, except the museum staff
did later find a bag of weed in the Gents.

Shaquille O'Neal attended Saturday's Belmont Stakes,
where Big Brown failed to be the first US Triple
Crown winner in 30 years, dressed as a giant jockey.

>> Football uncovered <<
What's beneath Motty's sheepskin?

Revellers at a recent football related
corporate event in London were treated to
an appearance by a popular Sky Sports
presenter. After a few drinks he agreed
to answer a few questions:

Q1: Who is the thickest footballer?
A: Marlon Harewood - “he often needs
reminding which is left and which is right.”

Q2: Who has the biggest wang in football?
A: “Well, all I can say is that Mrs Motson is a
very lucky lady.”

Q3: Tell us something about your colleagues?
“Mike Wedderburn has a special cushion
for his piles.”

(FYI: Motty has a manbag! He was spotted at Pillars
of Hercules, Soho. carrying a posh leather one.)

Ritz Carlton Miami has a Tanning Butler. He has
three levels of tanning cream by the pool for guests
plus an Evian spray to cool you down.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which vocalist-loving actress has a bit of
a thing for sleeping pills and has a private
doctor she calls regularly for supplies?

Which annoying pop star loves attending
alcohol dependency meetings even though
she barely drinks?

Popbitch's favourite corporate training manager:
Vodafone’s Trudy Trainer.

>> Hot royal love <<
But don't mess with HM

When Mike Tindall moved into Zara Phillips'
grace and favour apartment in London he had
a big sporty lads' hot-tub installed. The
Queen wasn't amused when she found out and
it was rather quickly taken out.

Prince Charles has bought four alpacas to act as
“bouncers” on his organic farm where they chase
and trample foxes.

>> You're sponsored! <<
Apprentice silverback goes to Mongolia

Now The Apprentice is over, Suralan's sidekick
Nick Hewer is off to Ulan Bator in a 20 year old
Renault to take part in the Mongol Rally. The
hard-nosed taskmaster has a softer side - he's
raising money to reunite institutionalised
children in Eastern Europe with their families.
Sugar has coughed up a grand. The cream
of Britain's TV business world (Jacqueline Gold,
Karren Brady, Margaret Mountford etc) have
also sponsored Nick.

See how cheap/generous the celebrity sponsors
have been (Gold - 200 quid, Brady 20 quid etc)

BB's Little Brother has a feature called 'Who's
Tune Is It Anyway' (big on screen graphics, spelling
mistake included).

>> Nick Cave watch <<
Part 115: Nick goes swimming

J writes:
“I spotted Nick Cave about a month ago in
swimming trunks at the Hyde Park Lido. (They
were those posh trunks that Tony Blair likes,
Vilebrequin). His twin boys were there and
they played with my kids. The boy told me
their dad was Very Famous. And they said they
lived very far away. I asked where.
They said Brighton.”

Giraffe milk has just been pronounced as kosher.

>> McFadden: worse than George Lamb <<
Westlife emigre doesn't find new DJ career

Ex-Westlifer Brian McFadden is now living in
Sydney. He recently guest co-hosted a big
breakfast radio show. It was reported that he
was 30 minutes late, had three instances of
'dead air' in an hour and played the same
song twice in 30 mins.

Amy Winehouse's Rehab is on Keith Richards
itunes playlist.

>> Summer delights <<
Nice things to help you waste June:

1. Victoria Beckham's secret 80s Hollywood
heart-throb lover tells all!

2. In The Footsteps of Harrison Dextrose.
(It's a bit like Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy)

3. Alexander Marcus - Papaya
Electro-schlager pioneer, from the label
that blessed us with Scooter. Catch the
dancing near the end:

Beavers are back! The first dam of its kind for 800
years is being built in England and the pair look
like they are about to breed:

>> Norris, Capri Ranger <<
Chuck gets existential in Capri

Chuck Norris has been holidaying in Capri,
Italy. He was with a glamorous blonde woman,
although they barely spoke. But he was
overheard muttering that he'd “had enough
of Walker, Texas Ranger”.

Two Tottenham Court Road spots: “Paul Young with
rather ginger hair and liver spots on his hands”, and
Jude Law “with a suspicous amount of hair on his head”.

>> Tarrant's book-club <<
Chris is no Linda La Plante

Chris Tarrant flew to Malaga last weekend.
At the baggage collection he was complaining
to his female companion that there wasn't
anyone there to meet them and their heavy
luggage (while she suggested they'd need
some pesetas for a trolley) when a fellow
BA passenger walked up to him. She'd
picked up a Lynda La Plante book that she'd
seen him leave on the plane in case he
missed it. When Tarrant explained he'd
left it as he realised he'd already read
it, the fan asked him if he'd sign it
for her. “But I didn't write it!” Chris
replied, “Lynda La Plante did!”

Which SATC girl are you? Play the game to win
tickets to a private screening:

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Lego rock, gay bashing, breeding beavers

Evil Westminster Council are trying to get
outdoor drinking banned in Soho. Sign up
to help defeat this ludicrous idea:

ps3, xbox360 and wii fanboys get over to for great gaming tees:

Black Nordic Lego rock:

BASH'd is a gay rap opera which chronicles
the tale of Jack and Dillon; “two star-
crossed lovers who must cope with the
reality of hatred when one is brutally beaten”:


Patsy Palmer porn-a-like:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 8th June

++ Number One
MINT ROYALE Singin' In The Rain

++ Top Twenty
FEEDER We Are The People

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, L, party_b, pezza, NR, AL, S, SO,
satanprinceofdarkness, deep_stoat, LT, dollymixture,
lashdevil, JCP1959, JM, jacques_as_in_hattie, PF

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What do you call a woman with no legs?
A: Fanny Walker

Still Bored:
The Democratic Party Primaries.
In eight minutes. Brilliant.

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