Friday, February 22, 2008


If you wear a Rolax watch or Jommy Chew shoes, then you
probably drink vodka. And this isn't the site for you:

“If you're in Havana and you're not drinking a
Mojito in the background then what are you
really doing?“ - Craig David
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|_| |_| 22.02.08 ISSUE 386
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* From The Stranglers to Pop Larkin
* Phone a friend with the Maharishi
* Charts: Duffy is number one

>> Winner takes it all <<
Take That's superfans strike again

Talk going round backstage at the Brits
was that, in the Best Single category losing
nominees were told the day before that they
hadn't won. Which was strange as there was
supposed to be a phone vote on the night
to pick the winner. Although Take That
were already way out in front at that point,
in the light of so many recent phone fraud
scandals it seems an unusual way to behave.

FYI: Interesting to see that supposedly credible
Mercury winners The Klaxons mimed, while
pop acts played live.

Shia LaBeouf likes going commando so often we're
told his bollocks have started to drop
“like an old man's”.

>> On your Mark <<
A good night for record producers

The music industry gave British male artists
a huge kick in the teeth at the Brits.
Ronson's a nice guy and a good producer, who
has made some successful cover versions, but
he is neither an artist nor British. Long
time New York resident Mark became a US
citizen last week. Perhaps the notoriously
misogynist record industry just wanted to
find a bloke to credit for Amy Winehouse
and Lily Allen's success last year.

Anthony Costa's solo show at Darwen Library Theatre
failed to go ahead after only 22 tickets were sold.

>> Big Questions <<
What people are asking this week

Which political campaign would be rather damaged
if revelations about a candidate's outrageous
and danger-seeking sexual escapades come out
at the wrong time?

Photos of Johnny Borrell and Hermione from
Harry Potter at a Fashion Week party were a
smoke-screen to cover up his new liaison with
which celebrity?

Is there any reason whatsoever for us to have
Sharon Osbourne on our TV screens again?

Popbitch's favourite Chief Warrant Officer: the
motion picture liason officer for the US
Coastguard is... CWO Randy Midgett.

>> Dial Omm for murder <<
Say sorry to a star with popbitch

boggled-mind writes:
“I'm a very old Popbitch reader. When I was 15
the Maharishi visited Sydney. I went to his
lecture and was entranced. He invited us back
to his hotel to get the "secret" word (omm)
for meditation, but there was no more room
in the conference room so I was put into the
Maharishi's suite to wait. On his bedside
table was his telephone contact book. All these
stars' numbers were there and I wrote them all
down - Warren Beatty, George Harrison, John
Lennon, Mick Jagger , Patti Boyd and Ringo
Starr was as far as I got before the old fraud
came in. Later that night I phoned them all
from Australia and when they answered I
just said "ommmm" until each one finally
hung up. Sorry guys. I got into such trouble
from my dad when the phone bill came in I
was banned from using it for ages.”

Nudity + Police = Jail? Did this TV star get extra
rough treatment? Where is the justice?

>> Ibiza rocks... sometimes <<
Balearic island gets ready for bed

Anyone who has ever enjoyed watching the sun
come up at a club in Ibiza will be sad to
hear of the changes this year. Local
authorities have just passed legislation
outlawing club opening between 6am and noon.
Space and DC10's status as after-hour venues
are therefore under threat. The owner of DC10,
identified in court only as DLM, is already
facing a year in prison for opening hour
transgressions from last summer. However
nothing is that simple in Ibiza. Local
bureaucrats have also said there could be
exceptions made to this rule. So maybe
if the club you want to go to has well-
connected people with the right size
brown envelopes running it, that dream
sunny morning clubbing experience might
still come true.

Gavin Henson was at the Marc Almond concert at Cardiff
St Davids Hall wearing “enough mascara and eyeliner
to make Dusty Springfield jealous.”

>> Kabullshit <<
Things aren't looking up in Afghanistan

We were hoping to celebrate our forthcoming
400th issue with our readers in Kabul. However
Our_man_in_Kabul sent us this:

“Things are going bad around here and it's
gonna get ugly pretty soon I'm afraid.
We're more worried about the cops than
the Taliban. A nephew of Karzai has set
up his own security company here. He has
various districts of the city in his
pocket, and pays off the cops to stop
and search the gringos (Brits and any
Westerner). A couple of guys we used to
work with got arrested at the end of
January and held for 10 days by the Afghan
authorities - not nice. This place is more
corrupt than Iraq, and that is saying

Eggsy from Goldie Lookin Chain dined with his mum at
the Fwrrwm Ishta restaurant in Caerphilly on Saturday.
He wore no leisure wear, nor much gold.

>> Punk's not dead... <<
From The Stranglers to Pop Larkin

Like Punk Never Happened, Part 342.
The singer who replaced Hugh Cornwell in
The Stranglers, Paul Roberts, is playing Pop
Larkin in a stage production of The Darling
Buds of May. Roberts fronted The Stranglers
from 1990 to 2006 but will be starring in
this new musical at the Kings Theatre,
Southsea, in April.

Marilyn Manson's absinthe “Mansinthe” has been mauled
by food and drink critics, who said it smells like
“sewage, swamp mud and rubbing alcohol”. The only
absinthe brand to be seen with now is Le Tourment Vert.

>> Noel Fielding needed! <<
BBC3 audience bites back

audience girl writes:
“I was unfortunately at a recent recording of
“The Wall", BB3's new interactive show. It
was advertised as being presented by Noel
Fielding. That was the only reason I got the
tickets, it was the most unfunny pile of
drivel ever to be even thought of as a TV
programme, they kept saying about it being
live but it's not even been on yet? Alexa
Chung sat by me and joked about how much the
audience smelt! I really hope it is never
shown as I am sat near her and Lee Mack,
unfunny fucker. And there was no Noel

Lemurs are colourblind.

>> Tune of the day <<
Get into Soko for summer

Imagine a French Kate Nash. She'd be prettier,
cooler, make slightly awkward lyrics sound cute
and probably smoke a brand of cigarettes that
you can't pronounce. Meet Soko.

How can you not like a song with these lyrics?
“I will never love you more than my boyfriend
when I was 14. Even though he's now an asshole.”

Listen to I Will Never Love You More:

Otter footprints have been spotted at night
around Colchester town centre.

>> Newcastle frown <<
Even fish love beer

We can't help thinking Gazza booze and
drug trodden path to the loony bin was
somewhat inevitable. The story of his
sad sectioning this week brought back an
old Gazza legend from when he was 18. Still
an apprentice he was desperate to impress
his boss at Newcastle ,Jack Charlton.
He spent a week's wages on fishing gear
and got the legendary angler to give him a
lesson. At the riverbank Charlton apparently
threw all Gazza's equipment into the water,
except for the fishing rod, opened a bottle
of Newcastle Brown Ale and poured it into
the water. The fish started biting and he
reeled in a whopper in minutes. So an
early lesson - all you need is beer.

When Gazza bought ex-wife Sheryl a tit job, he
sent flowers to her hospital room for when she
came round from the op addressed to “Dolly Parton”.

>> More than a feeling <<
Boston shoot down Huckabee

The founder of soft rock heroes Boston, Tom
Sholz, is angry that Mike Huckabee is using
their classic track, More Than a Feeling,
in his campaign. “Boston has never endorsed
a political candidate”, he says, “and with
all due respect, would not start by endorsing
a candidate who is the polar opposite of
most everything Boston stands for. In fact,
although I'm impressed you learned my bass
guitar part on More Than a Feeling, I am an
Obama supporter.”

Boston Stuff you should know:
1. More Than a Feeling" took five years to write.

2. Scholz credits Walk Away Renee by The Left
Banke as the song's inspiration.

3. Scholz also invented the Rockman Guitar Amp.

4. More Than A Feeling can be heard in Close
Encounters of the Third Kind, when a car pulls
up to McDonald's as the UFOs cause power outage

5. Popbitch once made a very limited edition
cover of the track. Sadly our studio time
was cut short due to our managing to offend
a well-known rap star at the time.

6. Scholtz' charitable foundation has
raised millions of dollars for animals,
homeless shelters and children's rights.

All publicity is good publicity - Britney's perfume
made $13 million in Britain last year.

>> Things that make you go hmm <<
Dog beatbox, cement blocks, Bert and Ernie

Beatbox your dawg:

22 years ago this week Pet Shop Boys released
Love Comes Quickly. It still sounds lovely.

Junk food - the reality:

Everyone's favourite classified:

Magnus Magnusson and Ian Richardson
t-shirts now available:

This nice fella needs some friends:

Bert and Ernie go brutal:
(And so do Cadburys)

The only thing funnier than watching Chelsea lose
the Carling Cup would be winning money on it.
Follow your heart not your head - there's some
good Spurs bets to take:

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 24th Feb

++ Number One

++ Top Ten
H TWO O What's It Gonna Be

++ Top Twenty
UTAH SAINTS Something Good 08

++ Top Forty
TAiO CRUZ Come On Girl
CRAIG DAVID 6 Of 1 Thing

>> End Bit <<
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Thanks to: AM, SW, WB, LT, DM, SW, tears_of_a_clown,
danceswithmustelids, plastiktom, deep_stoat,
bobbifleckmann, LB, TL,

Old Jokes Home:
Q: What's the difference between a prostitute
and a Ferrari?
A: You won't find a Ferrari in my garage.

Still Bored:
Can you name all US Presidents?

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