Thursday, July 12, 2007

Latest PopBitch

Britain's Next Top Model is warming up nicely on
LIVING tv. Just two episodes in and we've had
bitchfights, accidents and tears over new hairdos.
Catch the show on LIVING, Mondays, 9pm. For info:

"I don't like bricks. I prefer stones" - Judy Finnigan
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|_| |_| 12.07.07 ISSUE 357
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* Carl Cox shows us how it's done
* Live Earth fun and games
* Charts: Rihanna is STILL number one

>> Stone the crows <<
Celebrity climate change confusion

Joss Stone performed at Live Earth Johannesburg.
While she stopped to do some interviews for about
20 minutes, someone in her entourage instructed
her driver (a Mercedes bio diesel limo) to
keep the engine running so the car interior
stayed warm for the star.

FYI Johannesburg headliners UB40 announced a track
with, "Nice to see you all singing, we've got an
album out at the moment, this is a track from it."
(So not just for the polar bears, then.)

London's hottest playgroup is in Battersea.
Mark Owen regularly attends, with child, and
happily accompanies the kids on a tambourine.

>> No Chandon, no band on <<
Carl Cox's bubbly lifestyle

Pop stars largely kept their usual
high-maintenance demands away from Live Earth.
Which reminds us of our favourite ever
pop star rider:

DJ Carl Cox ALWAYS got at least a magnum of
good quality champagne - wherever he played.

As his tour manager was fond of saying:

"No Moet, no show-ey
No Chandon, No band on."

Live Earth's BBC1 audience peaked at 3.1m. This
year's Eurovision got 10.9m.

>> Big Questions <<
What people want to know this week

He may be a bit of a wizard on the green baize
but which snooker star lost his passport this
week in Hong Kong's bar district... on a
night out with a hooker?

Which Brit rap lothario keeps a shagpad in
Wimbledon secret from both wife and girlfriend?
When he's not ensconced his married friends
can enjoy its charms.

Slang for gay in China is "to be fond of the
leftover peach" or a "sleeve-cutter".

>> Not the new Banksy <<
Jack Penate makes new fans

wee minger writes:
"XL artist Jack Penate was rather cocky when
confronting management at Glasgow's Sub Club
last Sunday, after liberally applying his 'tag'
to many flat surfaces in the club. However,
he was lot less cocky afterwards, when he had
to stump up a couple of hundred quid and
grovel to the club for his bag, which he had
inadvertently left behind."

O2 customers can buy tickets before anyone else for
the White Stripes concert at The O2 in November.
Offer ends tonight!

>> Radio gone gaga <<
Does anyone in music know arse from elbow?

Radio One's head of music has been telling
record label A&Rs to consult him before
signing any bands... because what would be
the point without knowing if you were going
to get any airplay on One.

And they say the music industry is
in crisis...

Bono and The Edge are doing research for their
upcoming Spiderman: The Musical by going to Broadway
shows such as Xanadu and Spring Awakening.

>> Deerly beloved <<
How to be really sneaky

Deer farmers breed their does with an Alpha
male deer to get the best possible breeding
results. But to sure all the does get
pregnant they also let a young male deer
hang around, to catch any the top deer misses.
The technical term for this role, even in the
deer management text books? "The sneaky fucker".

Journey's brilliant Don't Stop Believing has hit
number one in Ireland, thanks to an appearance
on the final episode of The Sopranos.

>> Food for thought <<
Don't touch John McClane's dinner

Bruce Willis' regular chat-up line is
"You smell nice! I'm Bruce Willis. Do you
want to go to dinner with me?"

However, dinner can be a fraught time for
Bruce. He has a morbid fear of anyone
touching his food.

Poor Oliver Stone recently dumped a girlfriend
when he caught her sniggering with her friends
about his hair plugs.

>> Man in black <<
Graham Poll reinvented

Controversial referee Graham Poll is making
a nice living as an after-dinner speaker.
He introduces himself by saying "Good evening.
I'm the complete tosser who gave out three
yellow cards in the World Cup."

It's easy to be scornful of Poll, but he did
only made 60 grand a year for taking that
abuse - about the same as Andrei Shevchenko
gets every three days. And he's confessed the
real reason he decided to quit early was when
his thirteen year-old daughter started
getting death threats.

Nick Cave spotted running for a bus on the Kings Rd.
He "runs like a girl".

>> Pandering to your affection <<
Animal videos to soothe your Thursday

Pandas rule. They may be next year's otters.
Here they cry, sneeze and fight:

1. Panda Cry

2. Panda Sneeze

3. Panda Fight!

Justin Timberlake had 7000 bottles of Fiji
Water delivered to O2 for his gigs.

>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Daniel Radcliffe, Japan, marmots

New weird Japanese eating trend:

Sex toys for supermodels. And royal girlfriends.
Moss likes the gold one, Middleton the cone:

Adulterous marmots rule!

Daniel Radcliffe and Freddie Mercury
share stylist:

Ukraine's Eurovision tranny gets a big release
in Germany:

Someone doesn't like Mr Amy Winehouse:

Carbon offsetting - just guilt-removal
for rich people?

>> Chart Predictions <<
New entries/High climbers Sun 15th July

++ Number One
RIHANNA Umbrella

++ Top Ten
ARCTIC MONKEYS Fluorescent Adolescence

++ Top Twenty
BLOC PARTY Hunting For Witches
ARCTIC MONKEYS Fluorescent Adolescent
TRAVIS Selfish Jean

++ Top Forty
DYKEENIES Clean Up Your Eyes

>> End Bit <<
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Old Jokes Home:
An amnesiac walked into a bar.
He said, "Do I come here often?"

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